Sunday, August 24, 2008, 09:42 AM
Indigo Incarnates
There's not much going on. I'm feeling like a loser freak. I don't really get many posts here anymore anyway, so it probably doesn't matter what I write anyway. I hate myself for being a loser. Someone else should be the primary alter -- like Thistle. I just can't do anything right. I try to get the house clean and I run out of energy. I forget things and that makes the checking account go into the negative. I don't have the resources to help the people I love. I'm just useless and defective.
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( 3 / 1071 )Saturday, August 23, 2008, 02:54 PM
Ashen Incarnates
Indigo has an uncle who deserves to be punished. this arrogant, greedy egomaniac now states that he shall evict the mother from her home 14 months from now, regardless of her health at that time. The bastard already has a palatial home in New York State. Why does this monster need the home that the mother rents from him?
He is a murderer. He chose to "renovate" the house in winter with improper ventilation. He KNEW she was sick before. He KNEW that she had been sick for a long time. And yet he had that house filled with sawdust, solvents, and particulate debris. That bastard did not care how sick the mother became.
That person is a piece of trash. He is lower than reeking excrement. It just goes to show you how YHVH rewards the sociopaths of this world and punishes the meek. There is no justice. But we shall have our revenge. He seeks to have her financial and medical data. He shall not have it. He wishes to attend her funeral when that comes. He shall not. She will be in the Summerland a month at least before that greedy coward learns of her Crossing.
I hope that the lack of closure haunts him. I hope he hurts for years to come. I hope when he looks at himself in the mirror that he sees the face of a murderer.
He is another person for whom when he dies I shall make plans to dance on his grave and piss on the tombstone. Those who harm the weak from a position of strength are cowards. Those who hurt others for pleasure are monsters. I have no use for monsters.
If YHVH had justice instead of being the god of greedy, rich sociopaths, then the monster who harmed the mother would die by choking on steaming excrement. As it is, YHVH has proven himself again to be the patron of the unjust and the standard-bearer of abusers. I have no use for them, and I have no use for their so-called god.
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( 3 / 1164 )Friday, August 22, 2008, 06:28 PM
Indigo Incarnates
Lemme tell ya: Central Booking has got to be the most psychically toxic place I have ever entered. Part of my training as a Case Agent this week has been to work at Central Booking (as opposed to my usual place at Mitchell Courthouse). The Central Booking facility is overcrowded, stinky, and just plain awful. It is really overcrowded too. I've seen 7-8 people crammed into one tiny cell. And the stench of urine... egads.
The ventilation doesn't really keep up well either. there are aftermarket secondary ventilation units all over the place. Even so, the air gets hot and stale. The windows are all tiny (12"x12") and are filthy. You can't see the sky. In addition, you can't bring in anything into the courthouse: no cell phones, no laptops, no boxed lunches, etc. It makes the employees feel like criminals.
The facility just drains energy from anyone who walks in. I asked some of the other trainees if they felt suddenly fatigued and they said they did. It's just a sinkhole of negative energy.
Today I tried a shielding discipline to ward off the negative energy. I can say that it worked intermittently. But that kind of concentration just can't be maintained for long periods of time. So I had the experience of feeling "ok" for 20 minutes or so, then getting swamped by negativity for a like amount of time.
I am so happy that I am done with that segment of my training. I really do understand why the turnover rate is so high.
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( 3 / 1281 )Thursday, August 21, 2008, 09:34 PM
am willow
indigo worked in a bad place today
scary place
smelled bad
people squished into little rooms
couldn't leave
noisy
scary
was a bad, sad, scary place
didn't like that place
metal everywhere
scary doors made scary sounds
didn't want to get cut in half
walk home was better
sunlight and clouds
blue sky
nice trees
saw a stream that runs by the park
saw moths and bees
a tree had big pea pods on it
saw an old railroad track with a giant metal wheel near it
saw some yellow flowers
was better than sad, bad place
was better to be out.
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( 3.1 / 1236 )Tuesday, August 19, 2008, 11:45 AM
Indigo Incarnates
I got to observe some bail review presentations today. Lemme tell ya: the defendants I saw were some of the grubbiest, scroungiest looking people I've ever seen. None of them worked, and all of them were in for guns and/or dope. Heh heh. One dude got involved in a shootout over a bicycle. Yeah. Another dude had four open drug cases. A third had a gun charge that involved five pistols and the public defender tried to use the excuse that her client had ADHD and therefore couldn't help owning a whole bunch of heat. Hmmm... Baltimore is the new "Wild, Wild West" hee hee.
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( 2.9 / 1251 )Sunday, August 17, 2008, 12:06 AM
Indigo Incarnates
Saturday was a pretty awesome and fun day. Doug and I did our usual Saturday morning breakfast at First Watch. But there was a special treat on the specials board: peanut butter french toast! Yummy!
It was sunny and warm today too. I did a nice 2 mile walk outside. Thistle got to fly and I made sure Willow got to see the prety trees and flowers he loves so much. There's an injured tree he likes to visit. He always wants it to feel better and be able to heal.
I got to tallk with my friend Doris too. She is such a wonderful friend. :) She has been really kind to Halo too.
At Wicca class, we learned a bit about chakras (energy points along the spine). So the fascenating thing is that when I got my chakra reading done, it turns out that the four chakras located below my spinal injury have much less energy than the three above the site of injury. We also learned about using pendulums. Hopefully I can eventually master their use in finding lost objects (I'm always misplacing my keys and wallet).
My first Full Moon ritual was a real blast. The format was a drum circle. Halo was out for a while too. Wicca is really important for Halo too. We got to bang around with a lot of percussion instruments. Pagans always have really nice worship services.
It was a really nice day today!
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( 3 / 1042 )Thursday, August 14, 2008, 09:21 PM
am willow
sleepy now.
saw neat storm
pretty. lightning flashed. heard thunder.
trees like rain
sleepy. am happy.
talked to doris.
nice friend
am glad
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( 3 / 1026 )Wednesday, August 13, 2008, 09:34 PM
Indigo Incarnates
I got my new ID badge today -- the one that reads "Case Agent". Yay! I start training tomorrow in my new position. The hilarious thing is that part of my training will be done by the ever-elusive Training Coordinator (you remember -- the one that bakes muffins but doesn't do a whole lot else?) I have to buy a new sport jacket, since I've lost 40 pounds since I bought the last one, har har, and it fits like a circus tent.
I was thinking of some clever case note scripts that might save some time. How about "The Defendant is a Junkie Bum"? Or even "Defendant is JB+"? Or "Defendant was instructed to get off the junk and get a job"? Ha ha ha ha!!!
I rearranged my sacred space a bit. I found out that the orientation of the guardians/elements was incorrect in the prayer room. I had it oriented as North-Air, East-Fire, South-Earth, and West-Water. But it's actually supposed to be North-Earth, East-Air, South-Fire, and West-Water. The magic circle I cast in tonight's ritual did feel a bit more empowered when backed up by the elemental forces called in the correct way. Awesome! Unlike YHVH, the Goddess knows people make mistakes and She is very tolerant of errors made in ignorance but not for malice. So instead of striking me dead (as YHVH would), the result of my incorrect ritual before was simple a less powerful manifestation of energy. But we're allowed to learn from mistakes.
I'm going to my first Full Moon Esbat this Saturday. I've been to a few Sabbats, but this will be the first Esbat I've attended. How's a Sabbat different than an Esbat? A Sabbat is a daytime ritual and an Esbat is a nighttime ritual (usually at the full moon or the new moon).
All in all, it was a pretty good day :)
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( 3 / 1055 )Monday, August 11, 2008, 07:07 PM
Indigo Incarnates
As you all might know, I have a coworker that think's I'm white trash and stupid/incompetent. Well, after she learned that I got promoted to Case Agent, she has been REALLY negative about it. So far, she's said:
- The other case agents will hate me and try to get me fired.
- I'm too disorganized for the job.
- My stress tolerance is too low for the job.
- The other case agents will be unfairly burdened because they'll have to split up my case load after I get fired for incompetence.
I'm too slow and can't manage my time well enough.
Geeez! She just couldn't think of one nice thing to say to me about my promotion.
Now, what I did figure out was that all of the rumors of doom and gloom concerning my promotion seem to originate from HER. Go figure.
I just have to wonder why some people are incapable of being happy for other people. When she got promoted ahead of me a year ago (we both applied for a case agent job, but I didn't get chosen). I didn't call her a screw-up or prophesy failure for her.
Well, I refuse to let her negativity stick. What she forgets is that I didn't know anything at all about criminal justice 2.5 years ago and yet my latest performance review was "Exceeds Standards". Likewise, back when I got into phone sales, I didn't know anything about retail sales, but three years later I was a district manager. Likewise, after college, I didn't know anything about roofing, but three years later I know how to draft, take photographs, operate a plotter, and use a Troxler nuclear moisture gauge. So, it's really been that every job I had began from the point of ignorance but I learned it pretty quickly. I see no reason why learning how to be a case agent will be any different than any other job I've had to learn from scratch.
I really am competent. I know I'll make mistakes, but I do learn quickly.
Ms. Negative can just get stuffed.
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( 3 / 991 )Sunday, August 10, 2008, 05:32 PM
Indigo Incarnates
Today was a pretty good day. I actually slept well last night so I had enough energy to do a decent workout (910 calories, 5.5 miles!) It's nice having an obedient body:)
Our dog, however, was NOT obedient. She got into the box of scones somehow and ate them ALL. Egads! I think I'll feed her dog treats to the cat, har har.
I finished writing chapter 53 of "I, Construct". It's been a while since I've had time to write since I've been doing a lot of Wiccan studies and sorta goofing off on Second Life too much. But I got my act together and added 5,500 words to my story. the story now has 551 pages and 137,000 words. Kewl.
Thistle got to fly today since the weather was nice. It feels so nice to receive energy from the sun when he flies. I'm glad that he is our companion spirit. He rarely incarnates and yet he is frequently in the background. He is a guide, friend, and loving spirit, but he never commands. Thistle is very unique and I'm glad he is part of our system.
Halo was out briefly. He was worried because some idiots at work said we aren't talented enough to be a case agent and that we "suck". the hell with those people. There have been plenty of times that we've learned a brand-new job from scratch.
We did a prayer ritual to the Goddess. It's amazing how it is that we feel loved when we pray. YHVH never let us feel loved, but the Goddess does. I'm glad for this.
So... It's been a pretty good day :)
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