Thursday, August 14, 2008, 09:21 PM
am willow
sleepy now.
saw neat storm
pretty. lightning flashed. heard thunder.
trees like rain
sleepy. am happy.
talked to doris.
nice friend
am glad
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( 3 / 1026 )Wednesday, August 13, 2008, 09:34 PM
Indigo Incarnates
I got my new ID badge today -- the one that reads "Case Agent". Yay! I start training tomorrow in my new position. The hilarious thing is that part of my training will be done by the ever-elusive Training Coordinator (you remember -- the one that bakes muffins but doesn't do a whole lot else?) I have to buy a new sport jacket, since I've lost 40 pounds since I bought the last one, har har, and it fits like a circus tent.
I was thinking of some clever case note scripts that might save some time. How about "The Defendant is a Junkie Bum"? Or even "Defendant is JB+"? Or "Defendant was instructed to get off the junk and get a job"? Ha ha ha ha!!!
I rearranged my sacred space a bit. I found out that the orientation of the guardians/elements was incorrect in the prayer room. I had it oriented as North-Air, East-Fire, South-Earth, and West-Water. But it's actually supposed to be North-Earth, East-Air, South-Fire, and West-Water. The magic circle I cast in tonight's ritual did feel a bit more empowered when backed up by the elemental forces called in the correct way. Awesome! Unlike YHVH, the Goddess knows people make mistakes and She is very tolerant of errors made in ignorance but not for malice. So instead of striking me dead (as YHVH would), the result of my incorrect ritual before was simple a less powerful manifestation of energy. But we're allowed to learn from mistakes.
I'm going to my first Full Moon Esbat this Saturday. I've been to a few Sabbats, but this will be the first Esbat I've attended. How's a Sabbat different than an Esbat? A Sabbat is a daytime ritual and an Esbat is a nighttime ritual (usually at the full moon or the new moon).
All in all, it was a pretty good day :)
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( 3 / 1055 )Monday, August 11, 2008, 07:07 PM
Indigo Incarnates
As you all might know, I have a coworker that think's I'm white trash and stupid/incompetent. Well, after she learned that I got promoted to Case Agent, she has been REALLY negative about it. So far, she's said:
- The other case agents will hate me and try to get me fired.
- I'm too disorganized for the job.
- My stress tolerance is too low for the job.
- The other case agents will be unfairly burdened because they'll have to split up my case load after I get fired for incompetence.
I'm too slow and can't manage my time well enough.
Geeez! She just couldn't think of one nice thing to say to me about my promotion.
Now, what I did figure out was that all of the rumors of doom and gloom concerning my promotion seem to originate from HER. Go figure.
I just have to wonder why some people are incapable of being happy for other people. When she got promoted ahead of me a year ago (we both applied for a case agent job, but I didn't get chosen). I didn't call her a screw-up or prophesy failure for her.
Well, I refuse to let her negativity stick. What she forgets is that I didn't know anything at all about criminal justice 2.5 years ago and yet my latest performance review was "Exceeds Standards". Likewise, back when I got into phone sales, I didn't know anything about retail sales, but three years later I was a district manager. Likewise, after college, I didn't know anything about roofing, but three years later I know how to draft, take photographs, operate a plotter, and use a Troxler nuclear moisture gauge. So, it's really been that every job I had began from the point of ignorance but I learned it pretty quickly. I see no reason why learning how to be a case agent will be any different than any other job I've had to learn from scratch.
I really am competent. I know I'll make mistakes, but I do learn quickly.
Ms. Negative can just get stuffed.
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( 3 / 991 )Sunday, August 10, 2008, 05:32 PM
Indigo Incarnates
Today was a pretty good day. I actually slept well last night so I had enough energy to do a decent workout (910 calories, 5.5 miles!) It's nice having an obedient body:)
Our dog, however, was NOT obedient. She got into the box of scones somehow and ate them ALL. Egads! I think I'll feed her dog treats to the cat, har har.
I finished writing chapter 53 of "I, Construct". It's been a while since I've had time to write since I've been doing a lot of Wiccan studies and sorta goofing off on Second Life too much. But I got my act together and added 5,500 words to my story. the story now has 551 pages and 137,000 words. Kewl.
Thistle got to fly today since the weather was nice. It feels so nice to receive energy from the sun when he flies. I'm glad that he is our companion spirit. He rarely incarnates and yet he is frequently in the background. He is a guide, friend, and loving spirit, but he never commands. Thistle is very unique and I'm glad he is part of our system.
Halo was out briefly. He was worried because some idiots at work said we aren't talented enough to be a case agent and that we "suck". the hell with those people. There have been plenty of times that we've learned a brand-new job from scratch.
We did a prayer ritual to the Goddess. It's amazing how it is that we feel loved when we pray. YHVH never let us feel loved, but the Goddess does. I'm glad for this.
So... It's been a pretty good day :)
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( 3 / 973 )Saturday, August 9, 2008, 09:06 PM
Indigo Incarnates
I got accepted as a full member of a Wiccan group called the Turning Circle. It's not precisely a coven, since they don't demand secrecy and members can leave if they want. But it is totally awesome to be accepted as a real Wiccan. Apparently they have two meetings per month. One has members and guests and one has just members. So now I can attend Wiccan rites twice each month. Yay!
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( 3 / 1002 )Friday, August 8, 2008, 05:23 PM
Indigo Incarnates
I'm very happy to say that as of today I am a Case Agent instead of a lowly Investigator. Well... Investigator's not that lowly and Case Agent isn't that much more lofty, but hey -- It's a real promotion! Yay!
I beat out 121 other people for the job. And in the encouraging words of my boss' boss, "All of the candidates really sucked. You just sucked a little less than all the others, and we had to hire SOMEBODY." Ha ha ha! That's what I call a real vote of confidence.
What the hell. I've been unqualified for every job I've ever held and yet always manged to get pretty good at it really quickly. So I think I'll do pretty well as Case Agent once I figure out what the job entails.
I'm pretty happy about getting the promotion. :)
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( 3 / 1005 )Thursday, August 7, 2008, 06:24 AM
Indigo Incarnates
Man! I've had some real thugs at Pretrial this week. Usually I get people charged with petty misdemeanors (such as trespassing and simple possession) but not this week! Here's the rundown on some of the more interesting cases:
-- Gang Initiation Babette: Some idiot teenage girl decided to try out for a gang. So all she had to do for initiation was murder some businessman and steal his Blackberry. That's all. Nothing major. So, she stabbed some dude a dozen times and stole his Blackberry. No fuss no muss.
-- Super Muslim Junkie Thug: In the peaceful religion of Islam, alcohol is forbidden. Fortunately, shooting heroin, selling heroin, and beating the crap out of your girlfriend is not forbidden in the Q'ran. That's right: the guy had three cases going athe SAME TIME. He actually scored the highest risk assessment he could possibly score given his age and charge. Nice!
-- Cocaine Welfare Mama: For the ultimate in prenatal care, this 40-year-old pregnant woman had been using cocaine every day for 15 years and has five kids and was pregnant with a 6th. Generally, the State has been taking away her children one at a time. But why stop smoking crack just because you're having a baby?! Let the good times roll! Oh, she was 40, but she looked like she was 55.
Of course, those are just the highlights. There have been some real bottom-feeders this week. Egads!
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( 3 / 947 )Monday, August 4, 2008, 09:08 PM - halo's thoughts
halo incarnates
thinking about things. thinking about mother goddess. loves halo. loves indigo. am glad. thinking about angry desert god. don't know why he thinks we're no good. is ok. not following angry desert god. not hurting body. not cutting. angry desert god always said blood pays for sins. mother goddess doesn't ask for blood. only asks for love and give love when we pray. am glad. went to lughnasadh sabbat. saw nice people. druids are nice. not afraid of us.
was thinking about mom. skinny mom. poor skinny mom. has become so sick. sick for a long time. don't want her to be sick, but her body is damaged. can't get better. will have to cross the veil. will miss her. don't want her to go, but she will. am sad to see her in suck bad health. she served angry desert god for too long. angry desert god made her sick because angry desert god is mean. she doesn't love angry desert god anymore. loves the mother goddess now. am glad. goddess loves people.
been thinking that it's easier to think more clearly. was not always this way. was not always able to think fully. many things have changed. have become more person and less creature. have changed a lot. have friends. not as scary. can love friends. can be okay. am feeling real. can think. is good.
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( 2.9 / 985 )Sunday, August 3, 2008, 08:29 PM
Indigo Incarnates
I had a nice time yesterday at the Lughnasadh Sabbat at the Cedar Light Grove. The great thing about Pagan worship services is that they are really festive! Lughnasadh is the celebration of the Sun God and of the first harvest. We got to sing songs, play drums, and the high priest did a rune casting. After the service, we all had some munchies. It was nice.
Wiccan/Druid gods aren't like YHVH. They want love, but they don't demand we grovel or beg. We are loved because we are created in love. We are created to be what we are, not created in sin. That is the truth of the Old Ways. I'm glad that this truth is finally being remembered.
I'm glad that I got to go :)
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( 3 / 1037 )Saturday, August 2, 2008, 03:46 PM
Ashen Incarnates
I look upon YHVH as a pretender. This deity pretends to be a god of love but actually rewards worship with wrath, fear, shame, and disease. YHVH is not a loving deity. YHVH is an angry desert god. I will not serve this deity. I will not bend my knee to a god that throws its faithful to the abattoir.
You think YHVH is a loving god? You are a FOOL if you do. I see how YHVH rewards the faithful: with misery, disease, poverty, and an untimely death. I see how YHVH rewards the wicked: kleptocratic televangelist fake preachers with half a dozen multi-million-dollar mansions; politicians who say "praise god" while picking your pocket; parolees who claim "god lives in my hear" right before they commit their next murder.
But YHVH has rewarded the monster-father beyond a doubt. This evil bastard has always been rewarded by YHVH. He retired at 48 being rich while doing next to nothing to earn it. He brutally abused Indigo/Halo. He is a child molester and sexual psychopath. He is a drinker, smoker, and drug user. He has stolen as well as taken loans an never paid them back. Lies flow from his lips like water from a waterfall.
The father-monster is a liar, deceiver, and betrayer. He is a monster. He is a coward. I long to kick him in the balls. I will make Indigo outlive this monster so that someday I can personally defile his grave. I will dance on his grave. I will spit on his grave. I piss and shit on his grave. I will drive a wooden shaft into the ground as a vampire would have a stake through its chest. May that bastard be anchored to his rotting corpse and scream in the darkness until he has paid threefold for what he has done.
But YHVH, the god who rewards injustice and punishes faith, has always given the father-monster every blessing and every boon. He has escaped prosecution for his crimes. His lies have always been believed. His bad debts have never been enforced. His sins have never been called for accounting. This is because the father monster is the kind of creature YHVH actually LIKES. I can see that. Those who think YHVH is a loving god are fools and delusional.
The father monster escaped punishment because of YHVH's blessing of his evil works. YHVH rejoices in the suffering of the innocent, the kind, and the righteous. YHVH loves those who smite the helpless and take from those who have nearly nothing.
YHVH is a pretender god. And if Jesus was indeed the son of YHVH, and Jesus was perfect, then it reflects on YHVH that he had his own son tortured and murdered. If he does that to his spirit-child, why do people think any earthly child will be treated better by this cruel and capricious god? They are fools if they do.
I have never served YHVH. I will not give my power to someone who would so obviously and so easily misuse it.
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