Wednesday, February 18, 2009, 09:10 PM
am willow
no one;s here
dark outside
cold
can see fuzzy cat in the hall
am tired
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( 3 / 1995 )Monday, February 16, 2009, 01:02 PM
Indigo Incarnates
I had the idea that it would be really cool if every Presidential library had a special room dedicated to the failures and scandals of the president in question. Here are my ideas, and feel free to add your own:
** Nixon Library **
A tape recorder, a bag of burglary tools, and a copy of the CREEP newsletter.
** Ford Library **
A copy of the Nixon pardon decree and an assortment of "Whip Inflation Now" buttons.
** Carter Library **
A Christmas tree with no lights on it, a six-pack of Billy Beer, and some helicopter wreckage.
** Reagan Library **
A copy of Star Wars and a life-size animitronic Ollie North doll that says "No guns for hostages!"
** Bush-41 Library **
One of those wind-up novelty teeth, but make it say "read my lips: no new taxes!"
** Clinton Library **
A cigar, a soiled dress, and a dictionary pointed to the definition of the word "is".
** Bush-43 Library **
A photograph of the Twin Towers, a "Wanted: Dead or Alive" Bin Laden poster, and the "mission accomplished" banner.
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( 3 / 1887 )Sunday, February 15, 2009, 08:25 PM
Indigo Incarnates
I'm visiting mom this weekend. I was afraid that she was was going to be in even worse shape than she was at Christmas. But I was really happy to see that mom looked much better than at Christmas.
I had been doing a healing ritual for her nearly every day since Christmas. Mom has also been following all of her doctors' instructions and taking her meds correctly. She's been doing light-duty exercise as she's been able (she has these big rubber band things that help her exercise). Her faith in the Goddess has brought her peace in her time of illness.
So, between magic, medicine, love, and hope, she continues to outlast her doctor's estimation of her life expectancy. When she was still alive after Christmas, she beat her doctor's best guess. The Goddess is a loving deity that answers prayers. Unlike YHVH, the Goddess doesn't make people sick on purpose, nor does She rejoice in the suffering of the helpless (again, unlike YHVH). I am so grateful to the Goddess for answering my prayers and helping mom to be more comfortable during the time she has left. I have no illusions about using magic as a miracle cure. But the fact that she has lived an extra two months so far, that she is happy and has some measure of peace, and that she is not in constant agony -- for this I am grateful, and for this I know that I made the right decision to walk the Wiccan path. YHVH is cruel and capricious and never answers prayers. But the Goddess is loving. Magic is real, magic exists, magic works. Blessed be.
So, compared to how she was at Christmas, he coloration is a heck of a lot better, she's more mobile, she's only having to use oxygen at night, her muscle tone is better, and her lung degeneration has slowed a lot. Her edema has shrunk a lot, which will take a lot of pressure off her heart. So if there's less drain on her heart, the congestive heart failure will progress more slowly.
Prayer, magic, science, and medicine are good things to put together.
I wish the same could be said for Doug's sister. He is visiting her this week and her health continues to deteriorate. She's been fighting cancer for nearly three years but it keeps spreading. She had to go to the hospital tonight. Her behavior suddenly became erratic and she started screaming for no reason. So something is probably wrong with her brain. Her doctors have feared that her cancer could spread to her brain.
I feel really bad for Doug. I loathe his sister. She is a cruel and heartless person. i'm sorry she's dying. I'm sorry that she has never done a single act of kindness in her life. I wish things could be different. I wish she could be healthy and that she would become a good person. I don't see that either will happen. And, for that, I am truly sorry. And I am so sorry for Doug.
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( 3 / 1908 )Friday, February 13, 2009, 05:08 PM
Indigo Incarnates
I wanted to say thanks to everyone who gave me good wishes for yesterday. My initiation ritual went great. Mav wrote a really beautiful service and it was held outdoors at Greenbelt National Park. It really was a life-affirming ritual.
Mav gave me a gift for my initiation too. She made a small wall hanging commemorating the event. It's really pretty.
Since we had a small fire burning for the rite, we made smores afterwards. Mav even managed to buy some vegan marshmallows. Yay!
We're having a worship service tonight at Turning Circle, and it'll be my first service as a full initiate. Kewl! :)
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( 3 / 1992 )Thursday, February 12, 2009, 03:08 PM - Church Stuff
Indigo Incarnates
It was a year and a day ago that I first decided to start learning about Wicca. Tonight is my initiation into the faith. I have to say that learning this path has been incredibly spiritually fulfilling. I never knew until this past year that is was possible to be loved by deity. I had only experienced the angry desert god (YHVH). But I've learned that the Goddess does love us. I'm not a worthless, detestable "sinner"; I'm someone who is loved and is accepted as I am. I'm not an "abomination". I'm a person who was created to be who I am.
I feel loved when I pray.
I've read a lot of books. I've studied in a Wicca class. I'm involved with two worship groups (Turning Circle and Cedar Light). I've even officiated at a worship service. I've written a handful of spells (for healing) and protection). I've empowered a healing amulet that has helped my terminally-ill mother. I crafted my first wand. I've participated in all eight Sabbats. I've learned to appreciate the significance and beauty of all four seasons. I've taken better care of my body. Halo has (for the most part) stopped cutting. I've grown in faith in the Goddess and God, and I've learned that faith, love, and ecology come before pursuit of magic. I've learned that the Threefold Law really does work.
And I've made mistakes throughout the year too. But the Goddess does not threaten eternal damnation or everlasting fire. We are simply commanded to make amends and learn from our mistakes.
An unexpected benefit of developing a communion with the Goddess is that Halo has steadily become less agitated. I think part of the reason is that the Goddess is equally aligned to both light and dark. And darkness is not the same as evil. Halo is dark but not evil. He finds comfort in being accepted as he is.
Of course, Thistle is a Christian (although he has a different view on deity than a fundamentalist might have). And Ashen thinks religion is "hokum" in general. Willow is sort of the little druid, although he doesn't identify as such.
Tonight is my initiation. I'm really happy about this. It's been a good year. I've learned a lot.
Blessed Be.
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( 3 / 1696 )Monday, February 9, 2009, 09:15 PM
Indigo incarnates
I finally was able to get rid of my old Samsung Blast phone that was two years old and had a wonky keypad. So i got an Ericsson for thirty American dollars. The gadget du jour is the built-in GPS navigation. So when I did a power-walk around the neighborhood, I did it with the navigation running. It was cool seeing the phone update while I walked around. Neat!
Doug and I are watching Matlock on DVD tonight. Fun! Now that I work as an agent of the court, it cracks me up the stuff he gets away with in the show that just doesn't happen in real life. Of course, Most of the hearings I've seen involve drugs and not murder. And my defendants usually have public defenders.
It's only three more days until my initiation! Yay!
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( 2.9 / 1834 )Sunday, February 8, 2009, 10:30 AM
Indigo incarnates
Doug and I went to a full moon service last night and that was pretty nice. It seems like Doug does find comfort and spiritual identity in the Wiccan path. My happiness isn't because he wants to be a Wiccan. I'm happy that he has found a way to commune with god in a way that is meaningful to him.
The weather was awesome yesterday. I walked six miles yesterday. It was sunny and not too cold. Thistle got to fly. It's good for him to get sunlight and energy. The sky was so blue and bright. It really does seem like winter will be over soon.
It's handbell sunday today. Amazingly enough, the rev didn't torture us with a 22-minute sermon. For a change, it was ten minutes long and actually well-written and meaningful. Miracles do happen. I wish the rev would let Nick preach more often. He has the spiritual gift for it. The rev does not seem to.
My Wiccan initiation is in just four days. I am really happy. It sort of feels like I will soon be out of the clutches of the angry desert god. Jesus is great. The holy spirit is great. But it appals me how much evil, hate, and death that has been enacted in the name of the church. But there's nothing to not like about Jesus - he was the best witch ever since he used his powers to heal and he fought for social justice. It was the religious right who had him killed.
Ok. . . I'm a Wiccan that likes Jesus. Who said faith was easy?
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( 3 / 1872 )Friday, February 6, 2009, 07:33 PM
halo incarnates
is cold again. house is cold. outside is cold. hate how hands and feet were cold all day. worried about skinny mom. wish she weren't sick. have been tired. want skinny mom to not be sick.
have not cut. have not hurt body in a long time. am not hurting self. not following angry desert god. mother goddess is better. goddess doesn't want blood for payment. angry desert god likes blood payment. goddess does not. that is better. am glad goddess loves us.
am tired.
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( 3 / 1504 )Monday, February 2, 2009, 06:47 PM
Indigo Incarnates
Getting sunlight helps me a lot. I was able to exercise three days in a row. Today, I did 3.6 miles on the elliptical machine (565 Kc). I'm trying really hard to lose the 8 pounds I want to lose. I hate feeling fat. I LOATHE feeling fat. Urrrg. So hopefully I can get back to 180 in 60 days. That's the goal at least.
Oh... Today is Imbolc. I never knew until I started studying Wicca that Imbolc and Groundhog Day was the same day. Go figure.
It's too bad the Imbolc Sabbat isn't until nearly two weeks from now since we only have access to the Unitarian Church on the second Friday of each month. On the bright side, there's a full moon rite over at the book store this weekend. Kewl :)
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( 2.9 / 1804 )Saturday, January 31, 2009, 04:36 PM
Indigo Incarnates
I actually managed to get some sunlight on Friday and Thursday, which means I actually had some energy today. Whoooo-hooo! So I went to the gym and did a hard core workout. Between the treadmill, eliptical, and the stairmaster, I did 12 miles and 2000 calories! Yay!
November and December were hard months since there were only a handfull of sunny days over a 10-week period. I didn't exercise much because my energy reserves were so low that it took all my effort just to go to work and back every day. It sucks that I gained some weight too. Fortunately I only need to lose 8 pounds. I've lost a lot more than that before. It should be easier this time since I no longer drink alcohol or eat meat.
I did have one of my rare non-nightmare dreams. Every once in a while I am able to assume my true form when I dream. This physical body may be human. But *I* am not and I never have been. In the dream, I was as I actually am.
Of course, the dream was pretty inconsequential. I was at a flea market somewhere and the little stands were closing up. There was some biker dude who had a baked goods table and he had a sheepish expression on his face, so I asked him what was on his mind. He replied, "Well, if you're a biker and you like to bake, folks think you're queer!"
I said, "Really? I didn't know that."
I didn't find out if the guy was actually gay.
Suddenly the wind started blowing and I was able to fly. So I did. I can't do it as easily as Thistle can. I can only fly when dreaming and when I'm in my true form. But if was nice to be my *real* self for that brief time.
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