Sunday, April 20, 2008, 09:11 AM
Confessions Meme
1. Taken a picture completely naked? Nope. I’m actually pretty modest.
2. Made out with a friend from MySpace/Facebook? Noope. I don’t even have an account there
3. Danced in front of your mirror naked? I’ve never owned a big enough mirror, har har.
4. Told a lie? Yes. I’ve written a resume, haven’t I?
5. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Too many times, regrettably..
6. Been arrested? No, but it could have so easily happened when I was younger and dumber..
7. Made out with someone of the same sex? Well… I am gay after all…
8. Seen someone die? Yes. I was in the ER once because we had a cutting episode and the wounds wouldn’t stop bleeding. Someone else flatlined and they couldn’t revive her.
9. Slept in until 5 P.M.? No. Regrettably, my diurnal cycle it pretty hardwired to the day/night cycle.
10. Had sex at work? No. I’ve never had any co-workers who I felt that attracted to. And I’d never cheat on Doug.
11. Fallen asleep at work/school? No. I fell asleep at the wheel once while driving home from work, however..
12. Held a snake? Yes. A really big one too. It took four people to hold the snake.
13. Ran a red light? Yes. I especially do it when the pressure sensors are out of whack, causing the light to essentially stay red forever.
14. Been suspended from school? Yup. Almost got expelled once too. That was a year after I incarnated this body and I was lashing out a lot at people around me.
15. Wrecked your car in an accident?
Yes. I’ve had several car accidents, a motorcycle accident, and a hang gliding accident.
16. Pole danced? Nope.
17. Smoked? I did it a few times. But I was always too cheap to make it a habit Ashen smokes, but he doesn’t incarnate very often.
18. Been fired from a job?
No, but I’ve quit a few times when I saw the writing on the wall.
19. Sang karaoke? Nope.
20. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
Yes. HA! Who hasn’t?
21. Laughed until a drink came out of your nose? Yes.
22. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes! It was fun..
23. Kissed in the rain? I think so.
24. Sang in the shower? Once in a while
25. Given your private parts a nickname? Not just no but hell no.
26. Ever gone out without underwear? Long story, but no. I can’t
27. Sat on a rooftop? Yes. I was a roofer once.
28. Broken a bone? Amazingly enough, no.
29. Mooned/flashed someone? No. I’m not that stupid
30. Shaved your head? No, but I've wanted to dye my hair a few time (I wanted to dye it white).
31. Slept naked? When I was younger.
32. Played a prank on someone? Yes. But I’ve never played any cruel pranks.
33. Had a gym membership? Yes, and I still do!
34. Felt like killing someone? Not seriously. Unless you count myself. So I guess in that case, yes I have, but only myself.
35. Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? Yes, unfortunately.
36. Cried over someone you were in love with? Yes. Although it is pretty hard for me to cry. Sometimes I’ve wanted to and been unable to.
37. Had sex more than 10 times in one day? Is that even possible for a man? Egads. In any event the answer is no.
38. Had Mexican Jumping Beans for pets? Nope.
39. Been in a band? No. The whole “lack of talent” thing was always my stumbling block.
40. Subscribed to Maxim? No .I’m gay.
41. Taken more than 10 shots of alcohol? On one of the cruises, yes. I don’t recommend making a habit of it.
42. Shot a gun? Yes. A Browning Buckmark 22 pistol..
43. Had sex today? Unfortunately, no. Yesterday, yes.
44. Played strip poker? Nope.
45. Tripped on mushrooms? Hell no! Having a dissociative disorder changes my perspective on reality enough without having chemical modifiers, har har.
46. Donated blood? Yes, and platelets. Too bad the Dread Cross won’t take donations from gays once they’ve had sex for the first time.
47. Video-taped yourself having sex? Nope.
48. Eaten alligator meat? No, but I would.
49. Eaten frog legs? No, and I wouldn't.
50. Ever jump out of an airplane? No But I would give it a shot – assuming I have a parachute, har har.
51. Have you been to more than 10 countries? No. I think I’m up to six.
52. Ever wanted to have sex with a platonic friend?
Yes. I never have, however.
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( 3.1 / 1002 )Saturday, April 19, 2008, 07:18 PM
Indigo incarnates
Well... we had a total blast today! Partner-Doug and I took a daytrip up to New York City to see a Broadway musical (Gypsy, starring Patty LuPone). It was a great day for it too. It was sunny, warm, and not humid.
The theater district was a lot more crowded than usual because of the pope's visit. Personally, I couldn't care less since the Pope's ideas about most aspects of real life are so antiquated that they should be featured in the Smithsonian. ha ha ha. But WOW were the streets crowded!
We got some fruit smoothies and took long walk through Central Park. The trees were pretty and some seemed truly ancient and powerful. Thistle got to fly while we were doing the walk. It was nice because the sun was bright and the sky was clear. We are both filled energy. It's good. We had fun. :)
I've also never seen so many cute dogs in one place. I don't know much about dog breeds, but some of the critters were so tiny that they were only a little bigger than a soda can. Adorable!
The play was "Gypsy", starring Patty Lupone. Doug totally loved it. I thought it was OK. It's the story of an obsessed mother who, during the Great Depression, forces her two daughters into theater. Her manical pssion did eventually propel her children to success, but the price was that she ended up alone and completely alienated from her family. The play was performed well, I just thought it was a bit depressing.
Trying to get out of the theater was a harrowing experience. I get kinda claustrophobic when I'm packed in with too many people. This counted as too many people. Fortunately, we got away before I could panic.
We had a light dinner at Dean & Duluca's. I've been good at being a vegetarian. :)
Now we're on the boring bus ride back. Urrrg! I'd love to be able to sleep during the ride home, but my system just doesn't work that way.
It was a pretty nice day.
Tomorrow we have church choir (singing Tenor-II). Then we got invited to passover at a jewish friend's house. It's also the full moon tomorrow. Very exciting. I get to do somethibg in three religions tomorrow. Yay!
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( 2.9 / 970 )Friday, April 18, 2008, 07:50 PM
Indigo Incarnates
Well... Today was a pretty good day. Other than a minor screw-up at work (which I *was* able to fix), the day was really easy. I only had three cases for the whole day! That gave me a chance to get caught up on a whole bunch of low-priority nuisance work. I also got a gun-toting drug-dealer locked up by "remote control". Basically, I petitioned a judge to issue a warrant for this dirtbag for failing to comply with his pretrial relase conditions. So now he's going to have to pay $15k to get out of the slammer -- and he probably doesn't have $15.00 much less $15,000!
We also had an office party today. it's a sort of Easter/Passover/Spring sort of thing. I brough a nice fruit salad. Fortuntely, there were enough veggy dishes tha I got enough to eat.
After work, I did a 2mile power walk outside and a 1-nile run. Thistle got to fly. he has to much energy now! I am so happy that he is fully empowered again. We were low on energy when it was overcast for 10 days. But we're doing well now :)
I performed some ceremonial magic tonight with a friend. She wasn't feeling well so I stepped her through a guided healing meditation. It was nice. It was the first time I functioned as an actual Wiccan practitioner! I'm so happy! And my friend was happy too! I guess the timing was good, since consecrated my ritual tools only two days ago.
Now Doug and I are going out for pizza. I'm starved. Changelings have really high metaolism, And on top of that I excercised and performed magic. I need some food. Aieeee! :)
Tomorrow we are headed to NYC to see a broadway play. Fun!
So, all in all, this was a pretty good day.
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( 3 / 1035 )Thursday, April 17, 2008, 07:36 PM
Thistle Incarnates
It was a good day today. I was able to fly for a long time. The sky was so bright and blue and clear. The air was warm and clean nd full of energy. Life awakens in so many things. It was beautiful. I shine in sunlight. I can look at the sun and it does not dazzle me. I am happy. My life is a blessing.
I am so grateful to deity for granting me this life. I think of this every day. To have knowledg of the love of God and to have the gift of flight is such a wondrous blessing. I am glad to share my light and love with Indigo. And I love halo as well, although we are very different, his gifts are s crucial as mine. I am glad for this incarnation. i am glad to be a companion spirit. i am glad to have life.
It was good to fly. It was good to draw energy from he sun. We are restored in full. We are ready for any need. I was given life to do this: to love, to give energy, to give companionship, and to guide. I do this and I am fulfilled and happy to do so.
Blessed Be
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( 3 / 895 )Wednesday, April 16, 2008, 09:38 PM - halo's thoughts
halo incarnates
indigo is depleted. is ok. only depleted. tired. we are here because he cannot be here. said to write about today. will write. will do this. we did not cut. did not hurt the body. so we will write about today.
indigo consecrated his wicca tools. consecrated wand, atheme, chimes, altar stones. prayed to mother goddess. was good. prayer was good. mother goddess loves us. kind deity. house filled with smoke. sage. smelled nice. tools are empowered now. good. he did the ritual well. now we can do magic once we learn how. good. mother goddess loves us.
thistle flew. i can't fly. thistle can fly. i cannot. i'm different. thistle is different. i can make the body not feel. he can't do that. he drew a lot of energy from the sun. that made indigo happy. it's good when indigo is happy. i could almost cry today. wanted to. could not. would like to. maybe someday.
indigo made peace with partner-doug. partner said he would be less lazy. won't treat us like a servant. good. he's home now. trying to not let him see us. don't like to let him see me.
one online friend said he won't talk to indigo. afraid of me. afraid of halo. hate it when people fear me. not evil not evil not evil. didn't do anything wrong. feel bad now. hard for indigo to make friends. then when they see me, they run away. i'm not evil. i didn't do anything wrong. didn't do anything wrong. why do people fear me?
that was our day. done.
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( 3 / 1021 )Tuesday, April 15, 2008, 10:20 PM - halo's thoughts
halo incarnates
indigo argued with partner-doug. it was bad. they love each other. they got mad at each other. it was bad. we helped indigo not surrender. we didn't cut. we wanted to cut. we didn't cut. we helped indigo stay calm and not yell. yelling is scary. didn't yell. didn't cut. we are okay. we went numb but we are still okay.
we went to choir then. rang handbells. did well. no one saw us. we didn't want to be seen. no one saw us. we were okay.
sleepy now. tired. we get tired when we incarnate a long time. we've been incarnate three hours. tired. must sleep. it will be okay. we are okay.
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( 3.2 / 1216 )Monday, April 14, 2008, 05:35 PM
Indigo Incarnates
I didn't get a chance to write about how well Saturday's RPG went. I was out of energy Satuurday and Halo had the foreground most of the day. I got enough sleep last night that I can be incarnate today. So here goes.
I set up a mission in which the players would have to make a journey to a sacred grove called the Firefly Sanctuary on behalf of the Arcadia church. They need the mission completed because The Firefly Sancuary is the only known source of a magical liquid called the Water of Life, which is used for making heaing potions and other curatives.
Of course, getting there is half the fun. It involved threading through a long cavern that stretches across an entire mountan. Since the time of the Great Darkening, the mountain pass has aquired supernaturally evil features and properties. And this is where Halo's dark creativity really excels.
Halo created some truly frightening encounters for the players. He doesn't write mere monsters, but rather creates scenes that really convey pain, loss, and horror. It's a good outlet for him, and probably the reason he didn't cut yesterday.
Here are some of the encounters he wrote:
-- The Festival of Despair
-- Screams in the Darkness
-- Where the Weary Cannot Rest
-- The Memory of the Dead
-- The Cauldron
-- The Price of Faith
My friends really like the new psychologically frightening aspect of my campaign style, and it seems to help Halo. So that's pretty good.
I based the Arcadia church on Wicca. Doug noticed that, but the other players don't recognize it for what it is (yet). My friend Jeff is an ultra-fundamentalist and it shows in how he roleplays. Despite the fact that World of Gaianar has a polytheistic setting, Jeff always has his characters saying stuff like "I follow the only true god, and all the others are FALSE!" Ha ha ha ha!
Well... they didn't find the Firefly Sanctuary yet, but there"s always next time (in three weeks). My Arcadia priest character got to fling some groovy spells too. All in all, it was a real blast!
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( 3.1 / 1017 )Sunday, April 13, 2008, 02:19 PM - halo's thoughts
racing thoughts last night. couldn't sleep. wanted to sleep. could not sleep. tired. so tired. so little energy. we did not cut. we are okay. no cutting. doing ok. tired. can't sleep. so tired. want to rest but cannot rest. chaos. will be okay. not cutting. not cutting. not cutting. we are okay. just tired. depleted. didn't sleep. two church services. no rest. tired. didn't cut. didn't cut. no bleeding. doing okay. just want to rest. will try. will try to rest. will be okay. wil be okay. will be okay.[ 4 comments ] ( 17 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 3.1 / 808 )Saturday, April 12, 2008, 03:55 PM
Thistle Incarnates
Indigo wanted this written. He was almost ready to write but he had a sudden loss of energy. He excercised today and pushed himself very hard. He keeps the body healthy through exercise but the effect is that he can suddenly run out of energy soon after. He completed 9.5 miles of treadmill, outdoor walking, and ellipse.
He has stayed positive since Friday afternoon. I am glad. His worship of deity differs in practice than mine, but it is good that he is seeking a way to love and serve deity that does not frighten him or make him feel worthless. I do not think it matters if he calls deity "Goddess" and I call deity "God". The deity -- the universal source of all goodness and life -- knows the motivation of our spirit and loves those who can show love, and cares for those who care. Deity has love, and that is deity's greatest power. If Indigo can love deity (and feel loved by deity) by addressing deity as "Goddess", then that is how it shall be.
It was sunny for a brief period today. I flew. I like to fly. I was created for flying. I love the feeling of the sun, of the bright shining energy. It holds me aloft. It gives me power. I shared my energy with Indigo. Perhaps someday he will trust himself enough to be able to fly as well. Changelings are spirits too. Until then, I am always willing to share what I have. Sharing is akin to love.
I am grateful to deity for giving me life as a companion spirit. I am always grateful. This is a good incarnation. We are blessed.
Tomorrow is church. I look forward to that. It is nice to ring handbells. It is nice to visit with my friend Joan. She can see me when I incarnate. I am grateful to her for how hard she tries to communicate with me. When I incarnate, it is so difficult for me to speak aloud. I cannot speak easily as Indigo can. The physical words come only with concentration and much difficulty. But Joan is patient. She is kind. She waits for me to be able to talk, and when I cannot, she lets me write on paper. She is a kind and good friend and companion. Blessed Be, Joan.
There is another choir member that is beginning to be able to see me when I incarnate. His name is Mike. I am not sure what will happen when he realizes the nature of what he sees. I worry somewhat -- not for myself, but for how he would then view Indigo. I am Indigo's companion spirit and I do not want him to be hurt.
Indigo has a friend named Matt who has also decided to befriend me. I am happy for that. I cannot incarnate for a long duration, so it is nice when I can communicate with Indigo's human friends.
Indigo is feeling positive. He is not wanting to cross the Veil by damaging the body on purpose. That danger has passed. He went to the Wiccan church last night and was able to pray to deity (as Goddess) and that made him feel happy and loved by deity. He is only not here now because he depleted his energy reserves through extensive exercise. He is well. Things are good. Deity loves us. We are well.
Blessed Be
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( 3.1 / 961 )Friday, April 11, 2008, 06:52 PM
I'm going to take Pink's advice and see if I can think of some positive things about myself. Usually I hate myself, but I'll see what I can think of.
-- I lost 42 pounds and kept it off.
-- I've been a vegatarian for two months.
-- i've been a Wiccan for two months (and have attended a High Rite and am on my 3rd Wiccan text)
-- I pray to the God and Goddess almost every day, and I never forget to pray for people I know who need the prayers.
-- I haven't committed an act of road rage in two months.
-- I haven't yelled "get a job" at panhandlers in two months.
-- I go to church with Doug every Sunday, and I ring hanndbells well.
-- My friends like my roleplaying game.
I think those are good and positive things. :)
Blessed Be
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