The Legend of Zip-Tie Nose Dude 
Sunday, January 27, 2008, 10:11 PM
You'd have to see it to believe it... but here's what I saw at the local 7-11 this morning.

I had stopped by the 7-11 on the way to the Evensong service and I saw the owner and this rather unsavory-looking customer having an argument. The owner was tired of this dude hanging around and not buying anything. The ghetto dude looked like he hadn't bathed in about 4-5 days. But he most distinctive feature was that he had had his nose pierced with a zip-tie. That's right, folks: he had a 8" long zip-tie going horizontally through his nose as if it was some sort of plastic mustache or something. Egads!!!

So the ghetto bum said something like, "You'z cain'ts be tellins me I'z gots ta go!"

The owner said, "Buy something or go!"

The ghetto bum called him a Muffukkah.

So I told the owner (loudly enough for Zip-Tie Dude to hear), "Just call the cops. Loitering is a prosecutable offense".

Zip-Tie Dude called me Honk Muffukkah. Ha ha ha!

Well, Zip-Tie his the sidewalk when the owner actually picked up the phone and called the cops. I walked out too after I finished paying for my coffee. Zip-Tie was swaggering around with two of his trashy junkie-homies and were collectively muttering in ebonics about how .deh is be gots deh rights, yo!" Ha ha ha ha.

But I have to ask: How can you take seriously anyone with a zip-tie theough his NOSE?! Ugh!

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Doug's Baaaaack! 
Sunday, January 27, 2008, 09:56 PM
Doug was away for a week visiting his mom and his sister (who's still battling cancer). I really missed him last week, so I'm glad he's back. We went to Dread Lobstrosity for dinnner. I also got an odd marguirita -- it was BLUE! We had a great time. It's so nice having him home.

I think my integration will restabilize now that I'm not alone all the time. I actually manged to not cut myself while he was gone!

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Stage Fright! 
Sunday, January 27, 2008, 09:51 PM
Well... we did a great Evensong service in church at Charles Village. Unlike our usual church, we were located at he *front* of the church where we could be seen by the congregation. Egads! i was not used to actually being SEEN! Wow! it was quite intimidating. I did not factor stage fright into the performance!

Fortunately, other than my heart beating about 150 bpm for the whole service, everything went flawlwssly. My favorite piece, the Change Ring, was totally awesome!

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Access Renewed! 
Thursday, January 24, 2008, 11:40 AM
I was able to get my security clearance renewed for another two years. Yay! It's good knowing that I can keep getting junkie bums locked up!

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a simple problem of cowardice 
Wednesday, January 23, 2008, 06:09 PM
i could kill myself if i wasn't such a coward

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Various Stuff 
Monday, January 21, 2008, 08:49 PM
Well... this week is probably going to be dull since Doug is visiting his mom and sister this week. Basically, he gets 3 weeks per year and I get only two, so that's that.

But I haven't done too much moping. I got some things accomplished this weekend:

-- Jogged 8 miles Saturday, 3.5 miles yesterday, and 5.6 miles today. New weight=184.
-- Chapter 51 of "I, Construct" is finished and uploaded (go to www.gaianar.com and click Downloads)
-- I did some work on the Gaianar campaign I'm running in two weeks (the Sunlight Realm campaign, where the heros have to find a way to restore the power of the sun).
-- I did a whole bunch of chores (blech).

So... I kept busy. But I sure do miss Doug. :( i'll be glad when he's home.

I think my integration is starting to go back together (that's a good thing). I didn't have any periods of dissociative numbess today (a harbinger of Halo's awakening), and I didn't feel that I was in danger of falling into the background. So things are getting better.

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super workout 
Saturday, January 19, 2008, 05:21 PM
I did a super-workout today. I did 8.2 miles at the gym, which burned 1,220 calories. Yay!

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Hmmmm..... 
Saturday, January 19, 2008, 04:51 PM
I've been having trouble with my integration for the past two weeks. i don't know why. I haven't been missing my meds.There haven't been any new disasters. So why am I having trouble?

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an empty aspect 
Thursday, January 17, 2008, 09:02 AM - halo's thoughts
i am an empty aspect. my blood is like black ink and is corrosive and toxic. i make entropy happen. i make people get sick. i make people grow old and die. my spirit radiates death magic and i am the incarnation of darkness and death magic. this remnant ghost that i am continues. what misery have i wroght on others because of cowardace and shame? i am empty. this lasting, lingering, living death is empty but one has too much cowardice to end this empty-life. there is so much darkness. why must i be this aspect? why was i granted sentience and presence? i hate myself. i hate the darkness. i hate how my spirit radiates degeneration and decay that makes people grow old, frow sick, and die. and yet i continue to exist. why must that be? i am the container of shame - this i know. but why must it be so?

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A Skin of Evil 
Sunday, January 13, 2008, 09:33 AM
There are times when I think that I am nothing more than a skin of evil. It is as if my soul casts a shadow of utter blackness into the spirit realm. My soul makes people ill. My soul makes things fall apart. I am an accursed thing. I should not exist at all, and yet I do.

I should have been dead so long ago, yet this flesh continues to breathe and continues to consume resources. I am a ghost and a remnant. I am a falsehood.

Blood pays for sins and that is why I injure this body on purpose. But I can never bleed enough to pay the cost of my illegitimate existence. If cowardice did not stay my hand, I would have bled until the body exsanguinated.

Thistle is pure. Willow is pure. Ashen is at least self-disciplined and strong. But I am weak, corrupt, and useless. I hate myself.

I am a coward and a sinner. I am the worst kind of coward, for I am too cowardly to end this life.

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