Wednesday, November 26, 2008, 04:16 PM
Indigo Incarnates
I have to tell ya: I'm feeling a distinct lack of holiday enthusiasm this past week. Our finances are really tight (because we had to get a new car a few months ago when the old one died). I'm on pins-and-needles over being in "fire at will" status as a result of being recently promoted (I love the job, but I won't have any job security until I'm off probationary status). My mom's health continues to deteriorate. My sister is still acting like a teen-age slut (despite being 36 years old) and she's neglecting her daughter's health. Uncle Jimmy probably can't wait for mom to die so that he can rent the house out at a higher rate. Doug's sister's health took a huge turn for the worse (her lung cancer has metastasized) and I doubt there's anything that can be done at this point. Doug's beside himself with worry over his sister and mom. My uncle Blake decided that Doug and I weren't worth inviting over for Thanksgiving this year (he does that some years).
So... I'm just not feeling the mood of the season.
I will say what I'm thankful for, however: I am thankful that Doug is my partner (for almost ten years now). I'm thankful that I have a meaningful faith. I'm thankful that I feel loved when I pray to the Goddess. I'm thankful that we bought the Scion xD before the credit markets dried up (we wouldn't be able to get one if we had applied now). I'm thankful that I am so welcome at Turning Circle (my Wicca group). I'm thankful for my friends Java, Joan, and Iris. I'm thankful for getting a promotion at work. I'm glad that the Sara Palin hate machine didn't win this month. I'm thankful that my mom has a meaningful faith too, which is a comfort to her in this difficult time. I'm thankful that George Bush is leaving office soon. I'm glad that I didn't get shanked last week on community visits. Blessed be!
To all of you that celebrate Thanksgiving... well... Happy Thanksgiving!
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( 3 / 1219 )Sunday, November 23, 2008, 03:09 PM - Church Stuff
Indigo Incarnates
So... it occurred to me that my Wicca group (Turning Circle) doesn't actually have a web site. All we have is a group page on Yahoo. Well, I did some digging and discovered that I am entitled to a free web hosting service as a side-benefit of having a Windows Live account (hey, considering how much Microsoft charges for everything else, we ought to get something for free!) So I threw together a site at www.turningcircle.org that shows the basics of what Turning Circle is all about. It's got driving directions, our mission statement, and the calendar of upcoming events. I'm no hand-coding hacker-genius, but at least we have an actual domain and an actual web site now. Yay!
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( 3 / 1505 )Friday, November 21, 2008, 05:44 PM
Indigo Incarnates
I got my score today that was based on the first 90 days of being a Case Agent. I needed a 1.75 on a 4-point scale to get a grade of "Meets Standards". I got a 1.85 score. So... I passed by the skin of my teeth, hee hee! Of course, I haven't been doing this job very long either. I'm also happy that the boss didn't factor in re-arrest yet, since that would have taken my score down. But I figure that by the six-month review, I'll be good enough at case management that my record keeping abilities will offset the hit I'm going to take on re-arrests.
Why do I think I'll have a problem with defendants getting re-arrested too often? Well, it's mainly because the bulk of my caseload involves supervising people charged with misdemeanor drug offenses. When someone is an addict, they're bound to buy more drugs. It's just a fact. And since it's illegal to buy heroin, cocaine, and marijuana, the people under my supervision get arrested... a lot.
Of course, there are plenty of programs that help out with opiate dependence. However, the defendant has to want to kick the habit. Unfortunately, a lot of them simply don't want to get clean badly enough to make it happen. It's really kinda sad. It's not a life I'd want to live.
If I can keep getting a passing score for the rest of my probationary period, my job should be pretty secure. That will be a good thing, considering that Bushonomics has basically triggered the Second Great Depression. And when the economy goes downhill, it makes crime go up. And when crime goes up, there's a need for criminal justice professionals.
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( 3 / 1074 )Thursday, November 20, 2008, 08:02 PM
Indigo Incarnates
Call me crazy, but I always thought being a vegetarian meant never getting an upset stomach. Well, that's apparently not the case! Wow... My stomach was churning until nearly 2:00pm.
I was disappointed that none of the cases I had that went to court actually closed out. I don't know why these penny-ante misdemeanor cases get put off until later. Urrrgg!
Did I mention how the Community Supervision went yesterday? Although *I* think I'm a pretty good driver, there are darned few who would agree with me. Well, to complicate matters, the Pretrial vehicle is a gigantic SUV that is the biggest thing I drove in years. My coworker put up with that for about an hour before she said "I can't take it anymore! Pull over: I'm driving!" Heh heh. Well, there's a reason why I drive a Scion xD: it's tiny. I didn't wreck the Durange -- only came close four times, heh heh.
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( 3 / 1056 )Wednesday, November 19, 2008, 09:45 PM - halo's thoughts
halo incarnates
hate myself. hate failing. hate being a shadow-thing. blood pays for sins. hate myself. hate that skinny mom is sick. can't fix her. am tired. really tired.
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( 2.9 / 1552 )Monday, November 17, 2008, 07:23 PM - Random Thoughts
Indigo Incarnates
Well, my web hosting service has been down for two days, so I had no email access and my website was down. Oh well. It sucked. But I make backups of everything that I can make backups of.
The changeling effect burned out yet another cell phone this past week. The "changeling effect" is the effect I cause on electronics when I get emotionally agitated. If I'm really angry or really upset (usually rage, not sorrow does this), electronics tend to burn out. That's why it's no use wearing a watch. So I was really pissed off about Prop-8 and I was pissed off about my loathsome uncle, and I was talking on the phone with Java and the phone went "zzt...pzzzt.. zzt..." and that was it for the phone.
It's not the first time this has happened.
I also can't seem to keep a wireless router working or compact fluorescent tubes. Or MP3 players.
Oh... Carol wanted to know some of our favorite songs:
Indigo: "In Your Eyes", Peter Gabriel. (the live version from Secret World)
Thistle: "Platform Cloud", Flowchart.
Halo: "The Celebration of the Lizard", The Doors
Ashen: "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap", AC/DC
Willow: "Oro", Morira
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( 3 / 1505 )Saturday, November 15, 2008, 08:57 AM - Church Stuff
Indigo Incarnates
Well, you all may vaguely remember a few months ago that I accidentally volunteered to lead a worship service at Turning Circle (my Wicca group). Since I had three months to design the service, I had plenty of time to really refine what I was going to say. And I wrote the most awesome Quarter Calls (yeah, I'm humble too). Since it was the full moon and was only two weeks after Samhain, I had the ritual focus on the Goddess as Crone and the Goddess in the fullness of her power (since it was also the full moon).
I was really happy, too, that Doug came. He had never been to a Wiccan ritual before. And lemme tell ya: most of the crap they show on TV that depicts a Pagan service is just that... crap. The other members really made Doug feel welcome too. Wicca doesn't have prejudice against gays and they don't make us grovel or scrape just to receive bare "tolerance". We look at the content of one's character, so black/white, gay/straight, male/female are irrelevant attributes to us. I think Doug was glad that he came.
Of course, no Wiccan service is complete with out goof-ups. We write our rituals from scratch every single time, thus there is no "Wiccan Book of Common Prayer". That makes every service unique and fresh, but the specter of typos is never far away. I had to quickly muddle through the Release of the Spirit of Fire since I copied the wrong Release onto the note card. Then there was the issue of the cigarette lighters that sort of didn't want to light (we did eventually get the candles lit, however). But the Goddess has a sense of humor, so it is alright.
Unlike the Christian church, where people bolt for the door after Communion, Wiccans actually spend time after the service getting to know one another. So everyone brings snacks and drinks along. I brought a fruit salad and apple cider. But there was also some home-made cookies and pumpkin bread. And, of course, the cheese and crackers, chex mix, and other goodies. Yum!!!
Mav, our Priestess, said I can lead the Ostara service next spring. Yay! I am really glad that everyone thought it was a meaningful ritual that brought them joy and also honored the Goddess.
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( 3 / 1539 )Tuesday, November 11, 2008, 01:34 PM - halo's thoughts
halo incarnates
hate being hated. hate being feared. hate being hated by angry desert god. hate being hated by yhvh. angry desert god says blood pays for sins. always wants more blood payment. always hates us. always makes people who like yhvh say that we are bad. says we are evil. always wants blood for sins. wants us to pay. didn't want to. didn't want to cut. angry desert god won't stop hating us. yhvh won't stop hating us. hate being hated. hate being called evil. hate how church says we're bad. hate how evil church priests keep calling us evil. hate how church people say we're evil.
blood pays for sins
only thing yhvh ever wants is for us to hurt. wants us to be in pain. tried so hard not to cut. tried so hard. just got tired. got too tired to not cut. took so much to go for so long. angry desert god likes it when we're in pain. angry desert god likes us to suffer. always wants blood to pay for sins. hates us. hates us every day. didn't do anything wrong. just hates us. wanted us to cut. yhvh like us to be in pain. likes it when we hurt. hate being hated. hate being despised. hate being said "you are different. you are evil. not like us. are bad." blood pays for sins.
tried so hard to no cut. wanted to not cut. wanted so say "will not give you what you want" to angry desert god who hates us. yhvh loves those who hate us; hates those who love us. mean angry desert god.
didn't cut throat. indigo wants us to. didn't do it. yhvh likes us to hurt. angry desert god like it when we're sad. yhvh blesses people who do mean things. yhvh says blood pays for sins. have offered blood to angry desert god. want it to be enough. don't want to cut anymore. hate yhvh for wanting us to cut. don't want to cut anymore.
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( 3 / 1667 )Sunday, November 9, 2008, 11:55 AM - Odd Dreams
Indigo Incarnates
Cedar Light Grove held their Samhain ritual last night (Turning Circle had theirs last week). It was a more somber rite than some of the other Wiccan/Druid Sabbats because it honors the dead. But it's good to have a faith that believes in balance.
Part of the ritual involved each person telling something of what they remembered of a relative who died. So I told of how my dad's father spent a lot of his adult life involved in children's charities. I never knew what he did with his spare time until after he died. But so many people came to his funeral to say what a positive difference my grandfather made in their lives. He was a lifelong Baptist but didn't have an ounce of hate in him. He met Doug twice and fully accepted Doug and didn't shun me. My grandfather, Frazier, was completely unlike my father-monster.
I had a dream about my grandfather last night. It was pretty innocuous. We drove in his Chevy Cavalier and had lunch together. It was pleasant.
In life, it was hard to really get to know my grandfather as well as I would have liked. He was emotionally distant through no fault of his own. He had to take powerful drugs that treated his epilepsy and it sort of made him emotionally "not there" a lot. He was highly intelligent and he worked hard. He apparently was actively involved in charity too.
In the dream, the emotional dampening effect of his medicines we not present. I felt like I really got to interact with him. In the dream, I really had the sense that he really did love me. I always knew that. I never doubted it.
Where he is now, he no longer has epilepsy. I am glad that the power of the Samhain rite allowed him to visit.
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( 3 / 1845 )Saturday, November 8, 2008, 02:18 PM - Church Stuff
Indigo Incarnates
Well, I'm not going to be vitriolic as Ashen. But I do agree that the time has come for the Christian Church to lost its tax-free status. Historically, being a "tax-free" entity implied that the institution in question was charitable. I'd hardly call putting hateful, discriminatory laws into the Constitution of 26 states to be a work of "charity" or "goodwill". For me, the last straw was in California. Is the Church going to reimburse the wedding expenses of the 18,000 legally-wedded couples who just had their marriages canceled by popular vote? I somehow doubt it. And yet, the "charitable" Christian Church was able to somehow pony up over $70 million to push through a consititutional revocation of gay rights in California.
That, my friends, is NOT charity. That is the functioning of a PAC. That's right, the Christian Church has become a Political Action Committee and has abdicated its original function as a purveyer of hope, charity, and peace. The Christian Church has basically become a subset of the Republican National Committee.
In the USA, charities are tax-exempt, but PACs are not. Since the Church has decided to become a PAC, it's time for them to pay taxes.
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