Saturday, November 15, 2008, 08:57 AM - Church Stuff
Indigo Incarnates
Well, you all may vaguely remember a few months ago that I accidentally volunteered to lead a worship service at Turning Circle (my Wicca group). Since I had three months to design the service, I had plenty of time to really refine what I was going to say. And I wrote the most awesome Quarter Calls (yeah, I'm humble too). Since it was the full moon and was only two weeks after Samhain, I had the ritual focus on the Goddess as Crone and the Goddess in the fullness of her power (since it was also the full moon).
I was really happy, too, that Doug came. He had never been to a Wiccan ritual before. And lemme tell ya: most of the crap they show on TV that depicts a Pagan service is just that... crap. The other members really made Doug feel welcome too. Wicca doesn't have prejudice against gays and they don't make us grovel or scrape just to receive bare "tolerance". We look at the content of one's character, so black/white, gay/straight, male/female are irrelevant attributes to us. I think Doug was glad that he came.
Of course, no Wiccan service is complete with out goof-ups. We write our rituals from scratch every single time, thus there is no "Wiccan Book of Common Prayer". That makes every service unique and fresh, but the specter of typos is never far away. I had to quickly muddle through the Release of the Spirit of Fire since I copied the wrong Release onto the note card. Then there was the issue of the cigarette lighters that sort of didn't want to light (we did eventually get the candles lit, however). But the Goddess has a sense of humor, so it is alright.
Unlike the Christian church, where people bolt for the door after Communion, Wiccans actually spend time after the service getting to know one another. So everyone brings snacks and drinks along. I brought a fruit salad and apple cider. But there was also some home-made cookies and pumpkin bread. And, of course, the cheese and crackers, chex mix, and other goodies. Yum!!!
Mav, our Priestess, said I can lead the Ostara service next spring. Yay! I am really glad that everyone thought it was a meaningful ritual that brought them joy and also honored the Goddess.
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( 3 / 1456 )Tuesday, November 11, 2008, 01:34 PM - halo's thoughts
halo incarnates
hate being hated. hate being feared. hate being hated by angry desert god. hate being hated by yhvh. angry desert god says blood pays for sins. always wants more blood payment. always hates us. always makes people who like yhvh say that we are bad. says we are evil. always wants blood for sins. wants us to pay. didn't want to. didn't want to cut. angry desert god won't stop hating us. yhvh won't stop hating us. hate being hated. hate being called evil. hate how church says we're bad. hate how evil church priests keep calling us evil. hate how church people say we're evil.
blood pays for sins
only thing yhvh ever wants is for us to hurt. wants us to be in pain. tried so hard not to cut. tried so hard. just got tired. got too tired to not cut. took so much to go for so long. angry desert god likes it when we're in pain. angry desert god likes us to suffer. always wants blood to pay for sins. hates us. hates us every day. didn't do anything wrong. just hates us. wanted us to cut. yhvh like us to be in pain. likes it when we hurt. hate being hated. hate being despised. hate being said "you are different. you are evil. not like us. are bad." blood pays for sins.
tried so hard to no cut. wanted to not cut. wanted so say "will not give you what you want" to angry desert god who hates us. yhvh loves those who hate us; hates those who love us. mean angry desert god.
didn't cut throat. indigo wants us to. didn't do it. yhvh likes us to hurt. angry desert god like it when we're sad. yhvh blesses people who do mean things. yhvh says blood pays for sins. have offered blood to angry desert god. want it to be enough. don't want to cut anymore. hate yhvh for wanting us to cut. don't want to cut anymore.
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( 3 / 1584 )Sunday, November 9, 2008, 11:55 AM - Odd Dreams
Indigo Incarnates
Cedar Light Grove held their Samhain ritual last night (Turning Circle had theirs last week). It was a more somber rite than some of the other Wiccan/Druid Sabbats because it honors the dead. But it's good to have a faith that believes in balance.
Part of the ritual involved each person telling something of what they remembered of a relative who died. So I told of how my dad's father spent a lot of his adult life involved in children's charities. I never knew what he did with his spare time until after he died. But so many people came to his funeral to say what a positive difference my grandfather made in their lives. He was a lifelong Baptist but didn't have an ounce of hate in him. He met Doug twice and fully accepted Doug and didn't shun me. My grandfather, Frazier, was completely unlike my father-monster.
I had a dream about my grandfather last night. It was pretty innocuous. We drove in his Chevy Cavalier and had lunch together. It was pleasant.
In life, it was hard to really get to know my grandfather as well as I would have liked. He was emotionally distant through no fault of his own. He had to take powerful drugs that treated his epilepsy and it sort of made him emotionally "not there" a lot. He was highly intelligent and he worked hard. He apparently was actively involved in charity too.
In the dream, the emotional dampening effect of his medicines we not present. I felt like I really got to interact with him. In the dream, I really had the sense that he really did love me. I always knew that. I never doubted it.
Where he is now, he no longer has epilepsy. I am glad that the power of the Samhain rite allowed him to visit.
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( 3 / 1762 )Saturday, November 8, 2008, 02:18 PM - Church Stuff
Indigo Incarnates
Well, I'm not going to be vitriolic as Ashen. But I do agree that the time has come for the Christian Church to lost its tax-free status. Historically, being a "tax-free" entity implied that the institution in question was charitable. I'd hardly call putting hateful, discriminatory laws into the Constitution of 26 states to be a work of "charity" or "goodwill". For me, the last straw was in California. Is the Church going to reimburse the wedding expenses of the 18,000 legally-wedded couples who just had their marriages canceled by popular vote? I somehow doubt it. And yet, the "charitable" Christian Church was able to somehow pony up over $70 million to push through a consititutional revocation of gay rights in California.
That, my friends, is NOT charity. That is the functioning of a PAC. That's right, the Christian Church has become a Political Action Committee and has abdicated its original function as a purveyer of hope, charity, and peace. The Christian Church has basically become a subset of the Republican National Committee.
In the USA, charities are tax-exempt, but PACs are not. Since the Church has decided to become a PAC, it's time for them to pay taxes.
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( 3 / 1175 )Friday, November 7, 2008, 12:23 PM - Church Stuff
Ashen Incarnates
I hope you people who grovel before your angry desert god someday know true suffering. You worship two perpendicular sticks. You worship a god that truly does not give a damn, but laughs at you from afar. Have you never wondered why the most "faithful" amongst your kind always seem to come to ruin? That's because your angry desert god punishes those who beg, grovel, and scrape. He rewards those who abuse power, who take power, who use their will to break the will of others, and who harm others for the sheer pleasure of inflicting harm. Those are the people your angry desert god loves. You are fools for believing in a "just" and "loving" god who promises eternal damnation for even the most trivial of sins, while being guilty himself of genocide.
You fools. You goats. You bleating sheep. I loathe you for your weakness, fear, and bigotry. You crawl on your bellies to grovel before a distant, capricious entity that only shows hate in return for subservience. When will you realize that the angry desert god has only one proclamation: "Nothing you do will ever please me, but you shall suffer the consequences of having tried." Fools.
And when I see how you vote, I laugh at your willful, carefully maintained ignorance. You think your angry desert god cares about minutia about health insurance for homosexuals. You fools need to wake up. The desert god not only doesn't care about that, he cares about little else except showering powerful and abusive predators with divine blessings while sending tornadoes to strike down your double-wide trailers. I laugh at you. I loathe you. Your willful weakness disgusts me.
Have an ounce of strength, cowards. If you're going to hate, have the honesty to say "I hate you". Don't cower behind a book of old stories and then say "God told me to hate you."
And of your "bible", let me point this out: that book has been translated so many times that I wonder how anyone can know what was originally written? Show me the museum or archive that has the "original" documents. Show me the birth certificate for Jesus Christ. And, you fools may not realize, "Christ" is not his last name.
Your "bible" is the politically motivated, highly edited compilation from a bunch of old white men. It was put together long after the execution of Jesus. No live witness had any input into the "bible" you read. It is not a book in which the angry desert god wrote by hand so that His Way Bookstore could make copies. Christianity is a made-up religion -- as is EVERY religion.
If you Christians insist on wallowing in weakness, then stay out of my way. But don't thrust your weakness and your fear and your hate down our throats by use of the ballot box. There will be revenge. There will be a reckoning. And I can tell you exactly HOW it shall be. The day will not be long off -- perhaps only a few decades -- when your Christian religion is no longer the dominant faith. Then there will be a ballot initiative to amend the Constitution to strip the churches of their tax-free status. After all, what is the Christian church by an arm of the Republican party? When you fools have to pay taxes, you will be crushed financially. I await that day with anticipation. And you all will have deserved it.
I have no use for you bigoted, stupid, willfully-weak fundamentalist Christians who use politics to achieve what your message cannot.
You wonder why Christianity doesn't appeal to the modern youth? Because they're smart. they figured out that your notion of "sin" and "redemption" doesn't make sense. They figured out that it's more important to not hurt people and it's important to make amends for misdeeds. I spit in your face when you people say "I've harmed my neighbor, but it's okay to do so because Jesus forgives. It's okay to do whatever I want because Jesus forgives." That's not a moral code. That's a virulent piece of sociopathology. You Christians justify hate, bigotry, murder, theft, and even genocide in the name of your angry desert god. You have no morals. You are weak and stupid.
You Christians will pay for what you did in California and other states. And I will rejoice when the "for sale" signs go up on the churches one by one as your numbers dwindle and your tax-free charters are revoked. Christianity deserves to become a half-forgotten cult.
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( 3 / 1384 )Wednesday, November 5, 2008, 06:30 AM - Cool Stuff
Indigo Incarnates
For the first time in 8 years, the majority of voters made their decision for President based on issues instead of fear. In the biggest landslide since Reagan vs Mondale, the RNC message of fear, hate, and division was largely refused. For this I am glad.
Will Obama be a good president? Maybe, maybe not. Time will tell. But at least he will not appeal to the lowest common denominator. The spectre of a Palin presidency has been crushed.
The only states where McCain won are areas of the country that must absolutely love intergenerational poverty. The Red States must enjoy being poor, since they keep voting in Republicans that keep the status quo in the Red States. I guess in Mississippi and like-minded states, it's more important to hate blacks, Jews, and gays than it is to ever have the possibility of a good job or a good education. The next time the South wants to withdraw from the Union, they should be permitted to do so.
I am very glad that we, as a country, at least have the possibility of changing direction and returning to being a secular republic and a prosperous nation. If Sarah Palin had been elected, we would have become a theocratic oligarchy. Last night America really dodged a bullet.
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( 2.9 / 1725 )Tuesday, November 4, 2008, 01:04 PM - Cool Stuff
Indigo Incarnates
It's too bad I only got to cast ONE vote, har har. Willow is too young to vote. Thistle is a spirit. But that still leaves me, Ashen, and Halo. We might not be human, but we're over 18 and are US citizens, heh heh.
All joking aside, I always figure that if you don't vote, you have no right to complain if the person who takes office does a lousy job.
Personally, I think most candidates this year are either doing a lousy job now or have a great possibility of doing a lousy job. So that's why I voted independent and anti-incumbent. The two Green Party women got my vote for President and VP, since Greenies have a tendency to also be Wiccan. For the House seats up for grab, our tax-and-spend, pro-crime Democrats did NOT get my vote. Again, I voted third party.
I figure, if your candidate wins, you can celebrate. If he/she loses, you can at least have the pride of saying "I didn't vote for that fool" when things go to hell in a hand basket next year. Huzzah!
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( 3 / 1515 )Sunday, November 2, 2008, 02:21 PM - halo's thoughts
halo incarnates
hate myself. am worthless. am useless. can't make things better. have failed. can't make things better. am useless. skinny mom is dying soon. couldn't make her not sick. disease is anchored to her. couldn't make it go away. failed. hate to fail. hate being useless. am bad. am worthless. am useless. wanted to help. couldn't help. wanted skinny mom to get better. didn't get better. is going away soon. don't want her to go away. hate myself. hate myself for failing. hate failing. hate being useless. hate failing. failed skinny mom. couldn't make her better. hate having failed. am worthless. hate myself. hate myself. can't stop hating myself. want to punish self for failing. want to cut. want to pay for failing. want to hurt self to pay for failing. have to pay for failing. hate myself. hate having failed. failed skinny mom. could make things better. wanted to. really wanted to. hate myself for failing.
Want to cut. want to hurt self. have to hurt self. have to cut. have to pay for failing.
have not cut. trying not to cut. hate myself. hate being a failure.
hate myself. am useless. am worthless. am a failure.
couldn't fix skinny mom. don't want her to go away.
wish she were better.
am sad.
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( 3 / 1608 )Saturday, November 1, 2008, 09:26 AM - Random Thoughts
Indigo Incarnates
I read recently that Microsoft is getting ready to unleash a newer version of Windows in early 2010. Of course, the first thing I thought was, "but wait, Microsoft hasn't fixed Vista yet!" Apparently it's never going to be fixed. Customers are going to be expected to simply buy new computers and a new OS 18 months from now. Nice!
Well, I regret not buying a Mac every time I turn my computer on. But, I'll throw in my two cents worth for how I think the next Microsoft OS should be.
-- It needs to be faster. That is a huge gripe all by itself. There is no reason why a computer with a 2.2 GHz processor (on Vista) should run as slow as a 900 MHz processor (on WinXP).
-- It needs to be more stable. Currently, I don't actually have any software applications that run better in Vista than they did in WinXP. And there is no excuse for Internet Explorer to crash as often as it does, considering that it was designed by Microsoft specifically for Vista. Microsoft really needs to figure out how Vista got released with such sloppy code.
-- It needs a special "compatibility" window. Considering that almost NONE of my older applications run in Vista, I think the next version needs to have Microsoft Virtual Machine integrated into the OS so that folks with older applications can access them in a separately-run window.
-- Get rid of the "paranoia" prompts. In Vista, every time it launches a dialogue box for user input regarding even the most trivial changes to the system, the user gets treated to: "bloop"... black screen... wait wait wait wait wait... "bloop"... greyscale screen... "Are you sure you really want to do this?"... black screen... wait wait wait wait wait wait. Done. This is REALLY annoying.
-- Make it a LOT less expensive. Asking $200 for the crippled version of Vista (Home Premium) and over $400 for the real version (Ultimate) is a crock. Bill Gates might be a billionaire, but most folks aren't. (Side note: I would have gladly upgraded to Office 2007 Professional if the $379 price tag hadn't been in the way. Think in the $150 range next time!)
-- Make it easier to set up dual-boot. There may be a way to put WinXP and Vista on the same machine already, but I haven't figured it out. The next version of the OS should have an optionally activated "boot console" for allowing users to choose from various installed operating systems (ie. Windows-7, WinXP, command prompts, ancient DOS for those vintage video games). Mac has had this for years.
Personally, I don't see any of these changes being made, since I'm pretty pessimistic about Microsoft. My prediction is that the next OS will require 64 Gb RAM, an 800 Gb hard drive, an Intel QuadCore processor array running at 4.5 Ghz, and a 512 Mb nVidia chipset. That will, of course, be the *minimum*. To run the OS correctly, simply triple these estimates. Oh, and it'll still run like a 900 MHz Celeron.
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( 3.1 / 1537 )Friday, October 31, 2008, 12:22 PM - Church Stuff
Indigo Incarnates
Today is the Samhain sabbat in the Wiccan calendar. It is the end of one year and the beginning of another. It is the third harvest (apples and pumpkins). It is the day when the Veil that separates the physical world from the spirit world is at its thinnest. It is a day to remember loved ones who have recently passed from this world into the Summerland. And so, on this day, there is a friend I remember.
I did not know Jewel for a very long time before she died. But sometimes it's possible to care for someone deeply without having to know that person for years. Maybe I knew her in a different life. I don't know. But I can say that Jewel had a kind of spirit that just shown with a warm, bright intensity that few others had. The brief time I knew her, she made a profoundly positive difference in my life. She just simply loved others unconditionally. She died of a brain tumor on February 10, 2008.
Her mother died five months after Jewel crossed the Veil. She could not live with the loss. She didn't commit suicide, nor did she have any long-term disease. She just simply died. theoretically it was heart failure, but I think she didn't want to be in this world without her daughter. They are together now.
I miss my friend. It's difficult for me to develop friendships. I am a strange and heavily damaged individual. Few can accept me as I am, as we are. But Jewel could. I miss her. But it's better that she is no longer being eaten by a terrible and incurable disease. She spead a lot of love and happiness in her brief incarnation. May she have peace and rest in the Summerland. May she be truly blessed in her next life.
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