Monday, May 26, 2008, 08:47 PM
Indigo Incarnates
I always have two thoughts about Memorial Day.I think of my grandfather's bravery and I think of my father-monster's cowardice. My grandfather served in the Navy during WWII. He was a lieutennant. The father-monster served no one but himself and evaded the draft. When I graduated college, I dearly wanted to join the Navy. It would have been a pretty unsuitable career for me, but I had wanted to remove the stain of shame that the father-monster's cowardice put on our family.
Alas... I had to submit my medical record and the recruiter said "hell no" is the nicest way possible.
I am grateful for the people who could defend our country and had the bravery to do so. It is a job that often goes unthanked, and yet without the men and women in Uniform, we'd all speaking German now.
So... My day was pretty mundane. I did a bunch of housekeeping. I'm trying to get the house into servicable condition before my friend from South Carolina visits. Egads, Doug and I are real slobs. Mentally ill people are not well known for their tidy housekeeping and both Doug and I have pretty significant diagnoses. But hey, I'm working on it. It's almost fit for human habitation, har har.
My friend Mike invited me to his house for dinner tonight. It was pretty nice. We had veggy burgers and fruit salad. Yum! Then we watched two episodes of the ill-fated "Firefly". That show was pretty cool, but I can see how it could fail. Basically, the producers overestimated the cultural savvy of the viewers by making a Sci-Fi/Western combo that featured a cast of morally ambiguous space pirates as the "heroes". Yeah... gotta love a show that features a train robbery that used a starship as the getaway vehicle. Hee hee!
I am feeling pretty stiff today from that 40-mile bike ride yesterday. But I actually don't feel as worn-out as I thought I'd feel, so that's cool.
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( 3 / 1243 )Sunday, May 25, 2008, 08:29 PM
Well... I had the chance to accomplish a truely awesome feat of endurance today. one of my goals for this year was to get in good enough shape to ride a bicycle from Timonium to the PA border. That's a 40 mile round trip!
it was perfect Weather too. It was sunny, warm, and breezy. I could not have ridden 40 miles without being able to draw energy from the sun. But changelings can get energy that way while regular humans can't. Too cool.
so... A 40 mile workout burns about 2,000 calories. Yay!
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( 2.9 / 1019 )Saturday, May 24, 2008, 09:18 PM
Indigo Incarnates
Well... I am going to be alone for 8 days. That is to say I will be without Doug for 8 days. Alas, he gets 3 weeks of vacation each year and I only get two. So on his spare week, he visits his mom and sister. It's good for him to do so, however, since he thinks of them often and his sister has been ill from chemotherapy. I just wish his sister and I could get along. We can't. The last time we saw each other in person, she punched me. Never again!
So, I'll be a bit lonely. :(
On the bright side, I have a friend visiting from South Carolina on Wednesday night and she'll be in Baltimore until the weekend. My friend Mike is inviting me over for Memorial Day on Monday. My uncle Blake invited me over for dinner on Tuesday. So, the only day that I'll be completely devoid of human companionship will be tomorrow. Still, I always miss Doug when he's away. But it's good for him to see his family.
Today was a pretty good Saturday, however. I did my usual Saturday super-workout at the gym (9 miles, 1167 calories!) and I did a walk outdoors in the sun too. It's good for Thistle to be able to fly in the sunlight and it's good for me to get energy from the sun. I'm still maintaining a 40-pound weight loss. Yay!
Then I had my Wicca class. It was very informative. We had our first test -- 50 questions! I think I only got one answer incorrect, but I suppose I'll find out next time the class meets. The teacher did agree that I was biting off more than I can chew by attempting to use magic to cure a friend of fibromyalgia. That's just something a Seeker is too inexperienced to do (Seekers are Wiccans in their first year of study. After that, we're Initiates.)
I got a Sicilian pizza for dinner. I love the thick, square pizzas and I got mushrooms on mine. They only come in one size, so that means I'll have enough leftover for lunch tomorrow too. Groovy.
Mom said she'll probably be able to get an appointment with a specialist next week to figure out what medicines will work best for her. I'm really glad that she's willing to finally take her health seriously. I want her to be around for a while!
The only really stupid thing that happened today was that my Samsung Blackjack phone got shorted out because I was talking on the phone while jogging on a treadmill (sweat seeped into the keypad and shorted out the motherboard underneath). If this incident sounds familiar, that's because this is not the first time I've done this. As Homer Simpson would say: DOH!!!! Well... there's a reason why I buy my phones off Ebay: I'm tough on phones. Arrrggg.
Hopefully the weather will be good tomorrow since I want to do some bicycling. If it's like today, then it'll be perfect.
Blessed Be :)
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( 3 / 1058 )Friday, May 23, 2008, 10:13 PM
Indigo Incarnates
It's really amazing how eight years of a rampantly incompetent President and a rubber-stamp congress can screw up a country. Yesterday morning, it cost $57 to fill up the tank of our Honda Accord. This is not a big car and it's not a big tank. Back in 2001 when the car was new, getting 29 MPG was considered pretty good. At $3.94/gallon, it's bleeding me white.
And how is it that possible?
Bush started this STUPID war in Iraq to get some sort of petty revenge for the first Gulf War being something of a letdown. The result has been a destabilized Middle East and the price of crude oil has been spiraling upwards ever since.
Then there's the huge debt the war has cost (alongside with huge tax cuts for the rich) that has gotten our nation nearly ten trillion dollars in debt. That's about three times what it was in 2000 when Clinton left office.
Of course, Bush has favored the agri-corporations with big gimmies for growing corn -- not for food, but for making ethanol. The result has been higher fuel costs because it actually takes more fuel to create ethanol than is created in the ethanol distilation process. Smooth. So while the price of gasoline goes through the roof, so does grain, and milk, and beef, and chicken.
In other words, a gallon of milk now costs about the same as a gallon of gasoline. Thanks a lot, Bush!
Now, another factor in the rising fuel price is the weakening dollar. Basically, the Federal Reserve has been printing money nonstop 24/7 for years under Bush's watch. Why? In order to reduce the effect of the national debt through diluting the currency. The downside to this policy is that anything that somes from overseas will cost more as the dollar is worth less against other currencies. Oil is one such item.
I am just so SICK of this stupid, incompetent, lazy man being our president. I know that I don't talk politics too often on this blog, but having a $57 fillup this morning and knowing damned well that in 2001 it cost $15 is just outrageous. My pay is still about $3,000 less than it was in 2001 (I changed jobs 3 years ago), but the price of fuel has increased by over 300%, the utilities have gone up over 100%, my health insurance has gone up over 50%, and the price of food has gone up at least 50%.
But Bush's cronies have all gotten even richer than they already were before. Gotta love those no-bid Haliburton contracts!
Yeah, this is a rant, but I'm frustrated as hell!
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( 3 / 869 )Thursday, May 22, 2008, 09:01 PM
Indigo Incarnates
Today was a pretty decent day. I didn't have any outrageous criminals at work. I actually felt sorry for one of them. He was an obviously gay person who was attempting to live a false straight life. He had gotten arrested for having sex with another man in a car, but he self-identified as straight and is in a straight relationship. I wosh people didn't feel the need to hide who they really are. there really isn't anything bad or wrong in being gay. Now... the other three I didn't have any pity for, heh heh. They were general n're do wells.
I actually got to take an hour ling walk on the clock. I had to attend a dreadfully boring committee meeting that was a mile away. I decided to walk since it was delightfully cool, windy, and sunny. Thistle got to fly for nearly an hour and he really liked that. It's good to have energy, and we feel pretty energetic now. It's nice being a changeling and being able to draw energy from sunlight.
My new Athame arrived so I did a consecration ritual so that I can use it in ceremonies. I just love the smell of sage, and now the whole house smells like sage and scented candles. It's also really nice to feel loved when I pray.
I also found out that my friend from South Carolina really will be able to visit next week. I'm taking Friday off so we can hang out next weekend. We're planning on seeing the Baltimore Aquarium, the NCR Trail, and do some Wicca shipping. Fun! :)
The only aggrivating spot was having some fundamentalist tell me I'm going to burn in hell. I told him flat-out: I don't play by that rule set. I don't follow YHVH, nor do I believe in satan. I love the Mother Goddess and I feel loved when I pray. What else do I need to know?
Mom got some more tests done on her lungs. She said that with the right meds, her lung disease can be stabilized at a somewhat higher lung funciton than she has now. She'll never be "well" again, but she can be at least better than she is now and have it be tat way for a reasonably long time. I am glad. I am so grateful to Goddess that it isn't kung cancer.
So... all in all, it was a pretty good day. And I feel pretty good. :)
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( 3 / 1038 )Wednesday, May 21, 2008, 09:32 PM
am willow
indigo tried to say up. got sleepy. am here. hi!
had nice day. it rained. then was sunny. then rained. then was sunny. now raining again.
air smells nice from all the rain
cooler now
air smells clean
rain sounds soft
calm
nice
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( 3 / 1261 )Tuesday, May 20, 2008, 08:03 PM
indigo incarnates
I feel Halo in the bckground, but I'm still incarnate as I write this.
I talked to mom today and her docs now think she has a lung disease called COPD. It's a bad one, but not immediately fatal and can be somewhat manged with medication. I'm still sad tht she's so sick. It just seems unfair that the father-monster is a millionaire who lives in a tropical pradise while mom suffers. How come nothing bad ever happens to him?!
I'm glad that it's not cancer, however. I'm also glad that mom's following all of her doctors' instructions. Back when her alcoholism was out of control, she used to really abuse her body. She used to cultivate illnesses to the point hat she was at the brink of death and THEN get treatment. I can't even begin to describe how stressful it was to see her do that year after year. She finally stopped being passively suicidal two years ago (coincidently about the same time she started questioning the dubious merits of mondern christian fundamentalism). Go figure: if you unchain your spirit, your mind and body start getting better too. it's a shame that she waited so long. She might have avoided getting COPD.
I hope that mom can still live for several more years and also be happy.
Our "friend" Ed apprently now refuses to talk with Halo. That just sucks. Apparently he still doesn't understand Halo's need to cut. But ever since his adoption of Wicca, the cutting urge has decreased a LOT. So you'd think Ed would be happy, but he's not.
On the briight side, our friend Doris did something really wonderful for us. She sent us a little package of neat stuff this week. Doris is just so nice! She have me a turtle necklace made out of hematite. She gave Halo a little bag of hematite turtles and three purple crystals. She gave Willow a colorful squishy ball to play with. Doris is so thoughtful. It's hard for dissociatives to have real friends who understand us, but Doris is a real friend. :)
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( 3 / 1058 )Monday, May 19, 2008, 04:08 PM
Ashen doesn't incarnate very often, but it's rarely a boring experience when he DOES show up. Today was no exception. What triggered his incarnation this time was a phone call from mom in which she said she was awaiting a test result that would detect whether or not she had lung cancer.
So Ashen incarnated.
Ashen is no friend of the angry desert god. He let me know his theology in full. First, he believes that Jesus is indeed God's son. However, YHVH is *not* the god to whom Jesus calls "Father". The real God is a loving, universal, omnipotent deity that has little to do with angry desert god. In Ashen's opinion, YHVH somehow usurped the real God's place as the focal point of worship in the Christian faith.
He pointed to the fact that Jesus is forgiving, copmassionate, kind, and loving. YHVH is essentially a hateful, genocidal sociopath. Jesus cares about the kindness and goodness in one's heart (even sinners' hearts!) YHVH measures "goodness" as equal to "blind, unquestioning obedience". The two really aren't anything alike. So yes, I do believe there is a God behind Jesus who is the real God. I think YHVH has just perpetrated a cosmic fraud on the Christian church.
Ashen also had the idea that if only YHVH could be banished, the real Deity of love and goodness could be better manifest. Of course, I believe that. I think that deity if manifest in the cycle of the Wiccan god and goddess. And there's a *reason* why Wicca the fastest growing religion in the United States (at least by percentage -- certainly not by raw numbers).
So... Mom told me this morning that she flat-out rejected YHVH and instead has loyalty to Jesus. I find it not coincidental at all that her test came back at 1:30PM as non-cancerous. I am fully convinced that had she not rejected YHVH, the cruel desert god of torture and malice would have made sure she had cancer. Rejecting the usurper-god saved her life.
Of course, mom is still very sick, and now she has to do more test to find out what is exactly wrong with her. But I am glad that she stopped following a hateful, abusive deity. Life's too short to love a god that doesn't love you back. Jesus has love. The god and goddess of Wicca have love. But for YHVH, that's a word he'd have to look up in the dictionary.
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( 2.9 / 1019 )Sunday, May 18, 2008, 10:07 PM
am willow :)
am out now. fun being out. saw the trees today. and so many people have flowers out! some were purple. my favorite. sun came out. was nice. like being with indigo outside. lets me touch the trees. trees are always so nice! :) not in a hurry. hee hee. have to go to sleep. tired willow. nice day. fun day. was nice.
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( 2.9 / 880 )Sunday, May 18, 2008, 07:43 PM
Indigo Incarates (huzzah!)
This was a pretty good Sunday. Doug and I did the 11:15am church service and I got to sing and ring handbellls. It was nice. Thistle took communion since he's a Christian.
I did 9.5 miles and 1450 calories today. Yay! I had a lot of energy today because I was able to get so much sunlight yesterday. The sun came out today too, so my last two miles were outdoors. That was nice. it's good having an obediant body. :) Willow got to see the trees too. He really likes trees.
I got to talk with my friend Doris for a while. She is such a nice friend who really likes Thistle, Halo, and Willow too.
Doug got a new episode of Doctor Who. It has the Doctor solving a murder mystery with Agtha Christie. How exciting! :)
All in all, it was a nice day!
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