Tuesday, February 5, 2008, 05:41 PM - Dissociation & Switching
I guess I had some trouble this morning because I've been sick lately and haven't been getting much sleep. It's bad for me to get too tired for too long. It takes only a small amount of psychic energy (ie willpower) to maintain integration, but if that energy's not there, "I" starts functioning like a very disfunctional "we".
Thistle is actually a lot more powerful than Halo. If I can actually get some real REST tonight, I think the balance can be restored. Halo is necessary -- in very small quanities. We all need our dark side too, but it's got to be in balance. For us, the order of power goes: Indigo - Thistle - Willow - Ashen - Halo.
or you can look at it as: Changeling - Angel - Human - Protector - Remnant
or as : Creativity - Faith - Purity - Discipline - Shame.
Yeah... definately have to keep Halo out of the foreground. Thistle and I might not be human, but at least we *like* this body!
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( 3 / 1071 )Tuesday, February 5, 2008, 07:43 AM
One rule I make myself live by is to Harm None. It has to be this way because I am an unnatural being that has somehow inherited this human body. I don't really have a right to exist. So when I do harm people, I know that I must pay for what I've done. Blood pays for sins.
Doug (my partner) and Joann (my co-worker) both got sick because of me. So when Halo began whispering "blood pays for sins" I did not resist him. I let him cut our wrists. It never hurts when he cuts us because this body goes numb. But blood pays for sins. I hope it was enough to pay for what I inflicted on Doug and Joann.
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We think that more harm must come to this body, but there are no sharp objects permitted at this person's workplace. One must pay for sins. Blood pays for sins. We must cut and bleed so that the harm we have done unto others might be expunged. We must attone for this false-life, this empty-life in which we live as imposters inside a borrowed body. We are ghosts that inhabit the flesh, but the person who should have been is gone. It is our fault that people become sick. And we project a field of darkness into the spirit world that causes decay, despair, and entropy. That is why we must pay for our sins with blood. But how can we ever pay enough?
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( 3 / 1122 )Monday, February 4, 2008, 01:44 PM
The human body is so disgusting sometimes. Changelings and Angels don't actually get the flu, heh heh, but this human body is unfortunatley mere mortal flesh, ha ha. Too bad my body can't match my alter-self.
So... my fever broke a little after three. I never knew that a single body could produce so much sweat! It soaked the sheets, bed, pillows, and blankets. It woke Doug up and he ended up sleeping on the couch because all the bedding got soggy and gross. After I got dried off, I ended up spending the rest of the night on the recliner chair. Ugh. I'll be doing some major laundry tonight, that's for sure.
On the bright side, I feel a lot better now that the fever is gone. My chest congestion is starting to break up too. Things should be back to normal in another few days.
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( 3 / 1086 )Sunday, February 3, 2008, 04:21 PM
I rang handbells at the evensong service tonight, and it coincidentally occurred on Superbowl Sunday. Well... I'm sad to say that the congregation was apparently more interested in football than handbell music. There were EIGHT people in church this evening. Oh well...[ 1 comment ] ( 6 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 3 / 1077 )Saturday, February 2, 2008, 08:17 AM - Odd Dreams
Last night's wasn't as bad, fortunately. It just seemsed to be a jumbled-up hodge-podge of sci-fi.
So... there was Kirk's Enterprise somehow flung thousands of years into the future (like what happened to the ship on Andromeda) and was in the process of being salvaged by pirates. One of the pirate dudes was Starbuck (Battlestar Galactice -- the Dirk Bennedict version). The trouble came when Starbuck discovered that the ship was also invaded by cylons and by dalecks (from Doctor Who). Somehow Starbuck managed to defrost Spock, except that he came out of the freezer in pretty rough shape and wasn't too useful to anyone. Some parts of the ship looked like the Enterprise while others looked like the Andromeda Ascendant. Of course, when the dalecks ran into the cylons, they both started killing each other instead of hunting down humans. Starbuck was under the impression that taking over the ship wasn't goiing to be too tough since both robot races were probably going to mutually destroy each other.
Yeah... not a nightmare, but it was pretty bizarre and didn't make a whole lot of sense.
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( 3 / 1551 )Friday, February 1, 2008, 06:07 PM
Of course, the other lousy thing aout being sick is that I always get really disturbing dreams when I don't feel well. Last night was no exception.
I had a dream that focused on an incredibly cruel and brutal multi-millionaire that owned a palatial estate at the top of a mountain. He lived alone but had a large cadre of servants that he had somehow brainwashed into total submission. He had a big knife that he called "George" and he would use it to cut and wound his servants when the would make even the slightest or trivial of mistakes.
I was in the dream only as an unseen observer and could not interact with the environment. But I had an empathic awareness of this person's sadism and savagery. He repulsed and disgusted me, but he unknowingly broadcast his emotions as if he was shouting.
I apparently manifested in the dream right after he had murdered a male servant. The butler-like person had a large stab wound in his chest and his skin had turned the color of chalk. The way he lay on the floor, I could tell that he was dead, not merely unconscious.
An older female servant came in and saw the carnage. She somehow had the willpower and outrage to call the master a murderous sadist (or something to that effect.
The master slowly pulled out his knife and said something like "You need to apologize to George".
She tried to resist his command, as evidenced by her shuddering, hesitant steps. But in the end, she stood before the master. With single blow, he drove the knife through her abdomen.
My dream ended as she slumped to the floor. The master got a nearly erotic thrill out of murder and his emotions disgusted me. It made me wonder why people like this have to exist.
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( 2.9 / 1172 )Friday, February 1, 2008, 09:05 AM
I just hate it when I wake up in the morning KNOWING that I'm catching a cold. Well, this was one of those mornings. My skin feels hot, my muscles in my back are sore, and there's a bunch of crud in my lungs. Ugh. And it was just in time for the weather to bring some freezing, bone-chilling rain. Blech. On the bright side, since I never call in sick, maybe the junkie-bum defendants will all catch my cold today.[ 1 comment ] ( 6 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 3 / 1134 )Wednesday, January 30, 2008, 05:27 PM
I think today was the first day of the winter season that it felt like the darkness was beginning to retreat. I know that winter will hold sway for another 1-2 months, but it felt like it was receding. I felt Thistle's presence, and it was reassuring. Evening sunlight streamed through the window of the room that houses my elliptical machine (I was doing a workout) and it almost felt like I could look at the sun. I didn't, since I know it's dangerous to this merely human form. But I know that Thistle can see the sun and no light can harm him. Of course, angellic beings sense things differently.
I am glad tht the light is returning.
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( 3 / 1164 )Tuesday, January 29, 2008, 09:03 AM
So... A while ago I started an account on Second Life (as Symmetrica Indigo) and I picked up a completely adorable avatar that looks like a giant butterfly. One of the first things I noticed is that almost everyone is happy to see a giant butterfly show up in their environmant (aka their sim). Well... one of my "playmates" on SL (not sure what else you'd call it, heh heh) got a giant butterfly avatar for herself (in a different color scheme than mine). Well, she was abit bummed out because of some things going on in her real life (aka RL in SL-speak) so I offered a hug. Well... the "hug" animation between two butterflies is just about the most precious, most adorable thing I've ever seen! :) Very, very cute.
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( 3 / 1143 )Sunday, January 27, 2008, 10:11 PM
You'd have to see it to believe it... but here's what I saw at the local 7-11 this morning.
I had stopped by the 7-11 on the way to the Evensong service and I saw the owner and this rather unsavory-looking customer having an argument. The owner was tired of this dude hanging around and not buying anything. The ghetto dude looked like he hadn't bathed in about 4-5 days. But he most distinctive feature was that he had had his nose pierced with a zip-tie. That's right, folks: he had a 8" long zip-tie going horizontally through his nose as if it was some sort of plastic mustache or something. Egads!!!
So the ghetto bum said something like, "You'z cain'ts be tellins me I'z gots ta go!"
The owner said, "Buy something or go!"
The ghetto bum called him a Muffukkah.
So I told the owner (loudly enough for Zip-Tie Dude to hear), "Just call the cops. Loitering is a prosecutable offense".
Zip-Tie Dude called me Honk Muffukkah. Ha ha ha!
Well, Zip-Tie his the sidewalk when the owner actually picked up the phone and called the cops. I walked out too after I finished paying for my coffee. Zip-Tie was swaggering around with two of his trashy junkie-homies and were collectively muttering in ebonics about how .deh is be gots deh rights, yo!" Ha ha ha ha.
But I have to ask: How can you take seriously anyone with a zip-tie theough his NOSE?! Ugh!
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