Sunday, November 12, 2006, 02:56 PM - halo's thoughts
I don't know why I become a skin of evil during the darkest months of the year. I don't know why my soul radiates death magic into the spirit realm. I also seem to radiate a field of entropy in the physical realm. The death magic makes other people sick and fatigued. The entropy makes things fall apart.
This week has been bad. My death magic has accelerated one of my co-worker’s diabetes. She’s starting to lose her sight now. Another co-worker got diagnosed with infertility. Doug has had really bad allergies and has had a lot of fatigue. One of the choir members had to get her hip replaced. Another got diagnosed with MS. I don’t know why my spirit projects death magic, but I absolutely cannot forgive myself for the harm my existence has caused so many innocent people. The fact that I am too cowardly and selfish to commit suicide just proves how evil I am. People suffer terrible illnesses because of me, and yet I continue to allow myself to exist.
My entropy effect has caused a lot of damage in the material realm. The catalytic converter in my car failed. Doug got a big dent in his car. The cat knocked over (and destroyed) a statue that Doug liked. I wore Doug’s watch a few times and now it runs backwards. The living room chair is starting to fall apart. The keypad on my cell phone failed. My TabletPC has had to be reformatted twice in the past two weeks.
I am one of the most evil people alive today.
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( 3.1 / 1250 )Friday, November 10, 2006, 12:08 PM
Things I'd like to see changed
Now that the Democrats have come to power (even despite the Republican vote-fraud procedures), it looks like there is finally an opportunity to put our country back on track. Here are my ideas of what the Democrats should do:
-- Investigate Bush's corrupt activities for the past six years. From the CIA torture camps, to the Haliburton contracts, to the lies about Iraq, Bush (and company) should have to face the music. Whether the Bushites are fired or simply resign is of no concern, so long as Bush's crooked cadre get their walking papers.
-- Review the legality and constitutionality of the Patriot Act. Personally, I don't see what's so "patriotic" about a set of laws that allow the government to open mail, tap phone lines, and deny due-process to American citizens.
-- Revise the Bankruptcy laws. While it can be argued that the old bankruptcy laws were too lenient, few Americans would think it fair that an elderly widow should lose her home after her husband dies of a long illness and leaves high medical bills that cannot be paid. Some compromise law should be enacted instead that would retain protections for first-time filers but make it difficult to file a second time.
-- Reverse the tax cuts for the rich. Because Bush spent money like a drunken sailor for six years and gave great economic boons to the wealthies Americans (at the expense of the middle class), it is only fair that the millionaires have to pay their dues. The huge, $10 trillion debt must be paid somehow, and the mega-millionaires have the money required to pay.
-- Reverse the "outsourcing" trend. Corporations should pay stiff fines for sending American jobs overseas. The fines should be so high that it should offset any possible savings that greedy CEOs could glean from sending jobs to India and Costa Rica.
-- Extend the hybrid tax credits indefinately and penalize gas guzzlers. Any vehicle (hybrid, diesel, or otherwise) that can boast 40 MPG highway should receive an incremental tax credit based on the amount over 40 MPG the car achieves. Likewise, any vehicle that gets less than 25 MPG highway should pay stiff yearly fees. The Bush tax credit for expensive guzzlers (currently $25,000 for a Hummer H2) should be immediately abolished. Car companies failing to employ hybrid or clean-diesel technology in a significant way (10% of vehicles produced) should also pay a stiff penalty.
-- Protections for gay citizens: We need a federal law that supercedes all of the anti-gay constitutional ammendments. For gay couples, there should be a nationally recognized Civil Union law that provides a set of rights and responsibilities that parallels heterosexual marriage. States that have enacted anti-gay laws would have those previous decrees nullified. Gay couples already legally married would have their marriage converted to a civil union at no cost.
-- We need to vacate Iraq: We need to set up an undisclosed time-table that would ensure an orderly, phased withdrawel over a 6-18 month period.
-- Fix Social Security, but not through priviatization. I don't have any advice on how to do it, but it needs to be done so that people my age won't be handed IOUs at age 65 instead of cash.
-- Anti-corruptipon Initiative: There should be a law that states that no president, senator, or representative and vote on or sign any piece of legislation that involves any corporation that he/she owns stock in or was ever employed by.
-- Green Grants: There should be a fund that would accelerate research into solar and wind power that could augment electricity production in cities with insufficient reserve power. This would also have the net effect of reducing coal use during non-peak hours.
-- Locate and deport illegal aliens. While this would be a tremendous undertaking, it must be done. Illegal aliens bring crime, disease, and poverty to our country while providing nothing but cheap unskilled labor for mega-corporations. Illegal aliens already put a tremendous strain on ER wards in hospitals across the United States (and we, the taxpayers, pick up the tab). Even if it takes ten years, the illegal aliens must either apply for citizenship through the appropriate means or go back to their country of origin. Companies found to be employing illegal aliens should face stiff civil and criminal consequences.
If these things were accomplished, the Democrats will hold on to power for the forseeable future!
--
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( 3 / 1222 )Tuesday, November 7, 2006, 11:59 AM - Random Thoughts
Doug and I voted today. We did our anti-Republican vote, since no one who is not a millionaire should EVER vote Republican.
The touch-screen system workers well. I was happy that it had a high-contrast zoom feature so that I could make the text really big.
I gave Erhlich and Steele their walking papers. Anyone who is against gay rights and against stem cell research (while trying ram gambling down our throats) deserves early retirement.
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( 3 / 1191 )Sunday, November 5, 2006, 11:07 AM - halo's thoughts
One of the downsides of being a ghost that inhabitants a dead person's body is that I seem to emit an area-effect of entropy. I know that I am nothing but a shadow-copy of the original personality who is either dead, lost, or incapacitated. I am what is *left* of that person, but I am not that person. Since I am an unnatural creature, I suppose that's why I emit entropy.
What does entropy do? It makes things break down faster than they should, makes food spoil faster than it should, and makes people get sick.
It's my fault Doug gained a bunch of weight. My entropy effect saps his strength so he can't excercise. I made my co-worker's diabetis get a lot worse and now she's starting to lose her sight.
Our groceries always spoil too fast. The milk, particularly, never makes it to the expiration date.
Yesterday was a particularly bad day for entropy. The wireless router burned out, so I had to buy a new router. Once I got it plugged in, the printers stopped working. I had to reinstall the drivers. Then the touch screen on my computer stopped working, so I had to recalibrate the screen. Then my Rhapsody music service stopped working. After an hour on tech support, the technicians could not get it fixed. I had to cancel my account.
I knew I had to make a payment to the universe for my unnatural existence so that the entropy would go into remission for a while. Usually, I just take a pair of scissors and cut my wrists. Blood pays for sins. But Doug doesn't like me to cut myself. So instead, I slapped myself in the face and kept doing it until I could no longer feel the blows. Then I took a belt and struck myself on the thighs a dozen times.
I hate myself. I am useless.
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( 3.1 / 1386 )Sunday, October 29, 2006, 06:52 PM - Stupid Criminals
Understanding Ghettoese
While English and Ghettoese appear to have surface similarities, Ghettoese is a degenerate, truncated subset of English. Moreover, Ghettoese has a vocabulary set of less than a thousand words. Certain words in Ghettoese have opposite meanings in standard English, while other words simply have different meanings. For example, the word “tools” in English could refer to a hammer or a saw, while in Ghettoese, “tools” refers to a heroin needle or a crack pipe.
Standard English, likewise, allows for the contraction of two words into one (like “don’t” from “do not”.) Ghettoese allows for three-word and four-word contractions (“gow’ma” from “ get out my”, used as” Gow'ma way!!")
Below is a basic primer on Ghettoese.
- 2.5: A parole, probation, or pretrial officer on duty.
- 5-0: A police officer on duty.
- Ah’z’ain’t: Contraction of “I is ain’t”. Example: Ah’z’ain’t goan be lookin’ fo’ no muffukkin job!”
- Ain’t: Improper contraction of “Am Not”. Ghettoites also use this word in place of “isn’t”. and “aren’t”.
- Aks : Variation of “ask”. Example: “Lemme aks you summit!”
- Baby-Mama : Someone that a Ghettoite male has impregnated.
- Bitch: Someone that a Ghettoite male is having sex with. Example.” My bitch letting me stay at her crib. She got coloh telebision!”
- “Come home: To arrive home after a prison stay.
- Cracker: A white person.
- Crib: Section 8 apartment (rent free). Example: “I got some junk we can shoot up over at mah crib, yo!”
- Cutcha: Contraction of “cut you”. Example: “I goan cutchawiff dis knife, yo!”
- Doins : Variation of “do” or “doing”. Example. “You goans be doins some junk tonight? I got some tools!”
- Doos: Variation of “do” or “doing”, depending on context. Example: “I ain’t doos no stairs! I goan takes da exkalatuh !”
- Goan: Contraction of “Going to”. Example: “I goan git mea lotto ticket.”
- Goans: Variation on “Goan”
- Goants: Contraction of “going to not”. Example: I goant do no mo heroin!
- Harowin : Alternate form of “heroin”
- Harwin: Alternate form of “Heroin”
- Junk[1]: Drugs. Example: “I ain’t had no junk in two days! I needs mah harowin!”
- Junk[2]: Something of goof quality. Example: “Det prepaid Motorola Razor fone is da junk!”
- P.O.: A parole, pretrial, or probation officer.
- Shoant: Contraction of “Surely won’t”. Example: “I shoant goan do no credit check for no cellphone!!”
- Tools: Heroin needles, crack pipesand other drug paraphernalia Example: “Det cop took all mah tools, yo!”
- Uncle Tom: A former ghettoite that decided to finish school, get a job, renounce crime, and raise an intact family.
- Warnt : A warrant, as in an arrest warrant. Example: “Deh goas be a warnt on me mah whole life!”
- Yorn: To urinate, usually in context of a State-mandated drug test. Example: “Mah P.O. says I gots ta give a yorn.”
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( 2.9 / 1921 )Sunday, October 15, 2006, 09:58 AM
Doug doesn't like amusement parks too much, so I went with my friend Jeff yesterday to Six Flags. It was a real blast! Since it's pretty late in the season, it wasn't too crowded. Also, since "sküll" is in session, I didn't have to endure the typical two-dozen busses worth of ill-behaved ghetto animals. It was nice.
All the roller coasters were functioning, even the unlucky Superman coaster. Jeff and I got to ride that one twice. That's always an exciting one for me since that coaster does kill people from time to time. But what's life without a little risk?
While Jeff and I were in the line, there was almost a race riot. A pack of five ghetto animals shoved their way to the front of the line (clearly breaking the rules). A white couple flagged a security guard and announced loudly, "Those five BLACK people butted in line!". And another couple added, "BLACK people ALWAYS seem to butt in line!". Not to be left behind, I added (in my best ghettoese voice, "But da black folk ALWAYS be GOAN be buttin' in lines, yo! Is cause of yoo white prejudism, yo!"
So, the security guards ejected the ghetto animals from the park. Yay!
Jeff totally rolled his eyes when I did my ghettoese rendition. I thought it was pretty dead-on, ha ha.
Of course, the great thing about buying the season pass is that it's cheap to go to Six Flags. The season pass is $100, but also comes with three free tickets for friends and two half-price tickets. There's also a ticket for a free funnel cake (yum!)
All in all, I had a great time. Now all I have to do is wait until April when I can go again!
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( 3 / 1292 )Saturday, October 14, 2006, 10:47 AM
Exercise Mania
This year has been pretty good for my physical fitness. I lost (and kept off) 30 pounds! So I now weigh what I did in in 1996! I shrunk from size 38-40 to a size 34.
So here's my accomplishments this year:
Longest walk: 8 miles.
Longest walk/jog: 6.5 miles.
Longest jog: 6.2 miles.
Fastest 5km run: 27m 42s.
Lowest observed resting pulse: 60 beats/min.
Current weight: 185 pounds!
One year ago this week, I had tried to qualify for the Police Department, and I couldn't even jog a mile straight. I weighed a shade over 215, and my resting heart rate was 80. I also had borderline-high blood pressure.
All in all, it's been a pretty good year for physical health. I think I'm in the best adult health I've ever been. Yay!
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( 3 / 1211 )Monday, October 9, 2006, 05:53 PM
Understanding Baltimore City Wildlife
There are many interesting and dangerous lifeforms common to downtown Baltimore that the casual visitor must be made aware of when visiting. While some are merely repugnant, others are downright lethal.
Crat: These are the infamous cat-sized rats. These inner city predators fear neither man nor fire, and are resistant to most poisons.
Bench Bums: These homeless heroin junkies sleep on public benches at night and then sit around all day begging coins from passers-by. You can identify a Bench Bum by its cloying stench and the filthy overcoats that are worn even in summer.
Cardboard Conmen: These are the allegedly "homeless" beggars that shamble out to traffic intersections and hold dilapidated cardboard signs bemoaning their fate. While the signs typically state some variation of "Will Work For Food", the careful observer will note the practiced limp, a cane, or an everlasting leg cast.
Phoney Veterans: Similar to a Cardboard Conman, a Phoney Veteran holds a cardboard sign that declares himself to be a Viet Nam Vet. Many Phoney Veterans appear too young (late 30s to mid-40s) to have actually served in Viet Nam.
Heroin Husk: These are prostitutes who will trade their "services" for heroin or cocaine. They carry every disease imaginable, and yet somehow are never short on customers.
Whithered Zombies: These are soulless, mindless shells that walk like denizens of the Living Dead. Their decades-long use of heroin has sapped nearly every drop of life-energy from their minds and bodies. They appear as gaunt skelletons with a thin covering of taught skin. They typically have criminal records hundreds of pages long, as there is no act of savagery they won't commit in the quest of their next ampoule of heroin.
Welfare Spheres: These are females that weigh 300 pounds or more and have 4-6 children of mixed parentage under their "care". They have learned the secret of free rent, subsidized utilities, free food, and all manner of welfare benefits. They can be counted on to do just three things: eat, excrete, and procreate.
Bike Brats: These are young hoodlems on stolen bicycles who dart in and out of traffic. They appear to not fear being hit by a car, as they know such a collission will give them a winning Scratch-Off in the Law$uit Lottery.
Useless Hulks: These are morbidly obese young men have no job, no education, no morals, no initiative, no dreams, no prospects, and no future. They typically weigh 350 pounds or more, commit acts of petty theft and/or drug dealing, and father illegitimate children (see Welfare Spheres).
Muslim Apex Predators: Unlike a mainsteam follower of Islam, the Muslim Apex Predator converted to Islam while in prison and has adopted a lifestyle of stunningly intense violence and criminality. And while the Q'ran forbids alcohol, it apparently doesn't forbid using (or selling) cocaine. Muslim Apex Predators are typically 18-30 years old and have an arrest packet as thick as a paperback novel.
Revolving Door Judges: These are the court officials that reduce 20-year sentences to 2 months, or reduce a $100,000 bail to $1,500. Revolving Door Judges ensure that Apex Predators, Heroin Husks, Useless Hulks, and Zombies remain on the street to give YOU, the Baltimore visitor, a hard time every time you visit!
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( 3 / 1310 )Saturday, October 7, 2006, 09:45 AM - Random Thoughts
The Halloween List
I got tagged, so here’s my answers!
1. What's the scariest movie you've ever seen? “The Ring”. It took mea couple of weeks to recover from that one. People with dissociative disorders should NOT see that movie.
2. What was your favorite Halloween Costume from childhood? I didn't have a favorite that I can remember.
3. If you had an unlimited budget, what would your Fantasy Costume be for this Halloween? A very authentic “Lord of the Dance” outfit.
4. When was the last time you went Trick Or Treating? Age 15. I dressed as an angry Viet Nam Vet.
5. What's your favorite Halloween Candy? Miniature Reces Peanut Butter Cups.
6. Tell us about a scary nightmare you had. I had a dream that the color was draining from the world and as everything faded to grey, the spirit of life died in everything living: I remember looking at the slate-grey ocean and knowing everything was dead.
7. What is your Supernatural Fear? I fear that I will somehow become the Incarnation of Darkness and Death Magic.
8. What is your Creepy-Crawlie Fear? I really don’t like flies.
9. Tell us about a time when you saw a ghost, or heard something go Bump in the night. After seeing The Ring, I had for two weeks the irrational notion that mirrors connected to the spirit realm and that malevolent entities were going to emerge through then at night.
10. Would you ever stay in a real Haunted House overnight? No.
11. Are you a traditionalist (just a face) Jack O'Lantern Carver, or do you get really creative with your pumpkins? I’m pretty bad at carving.
12. How much do you decorate your home for Halloween? We’re pretty minimalist, thanks to vandalism.
13. What do you want on your Tombstone? Pepperoni and Sausage! Yum!
Now, I tag Choir-Joan, Jeff, Jay, and Matt.
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( 2.9 / 1219 )Saturday, October 7, 2006, 09:23 AM
Today is the kind of cold, damp, and dreary day that makes my knees hurt and makes me feel like not doing anything. I hate it when I wake up already aching. I have a 3-day weekend, so hopefully Sunday and Monday will be better.
On the bright side, I only have 8 more weeks of probationary employment left before I get upgraded to permanent status.
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