Saturday, May 13, 2006, 12:22 PM - Random Thoughts
Bad Grammar and Spelling
What annoys me on an ongoing basis are the blatant examples of bad grammar and bad spelling in American merchandizing. Even multi-billion-dollar corporations are not exempt from faulty syntax. I’ll list the ones I just find to be like fingernails on the chalk board:
>> Microsoft Windows. When the blue “start” screen displays, the user sees “Windows is Starting Up”. Shouldn’t it simply be “Windows is Starting”? After all, the computer isn’t actually going anywhere (up or down).
>> Rite Aid. This is a pharmacy (chemist, for you Brits). And yet, “rite” means “ritual”. So going into “Rite Aid”, shouldn’t we be able to find chalices, crosses, Stars of David, Korans, Bibles, incense censers, cloaks, bells, and candles? How about “Right Aid”, guys?
>> Nite, Lite, Rite, Tite, et al. I am dreading the day that these truncated words actually become accepted as standard syntax. Let’s face it: you’re only saving one character space by converting “night” into “nite”. Sure, you’re cutting out the “gh”, but you’re gaining an “e”. To me, these truncated spellings aren’t “with it”, “modern”, or “cool”. To me, it just looks cheap and lazy.
>> “Kwik” and “Kool”, and other “K” words. When I see advertisers hawk their “Kwik Kopies” or their “Kool Menthol Cigarettes”, I just cringe. The existence of a brand of cigarettes called “Kool” is reason enough to never stop smoking. As for “Kwik Kopies”, if they’re in such a hurry that they can’t afford time for the “c” to return “Kwik” to “Quick”, then they don’t have time for me as a customer!
>> “Must of” instead of “must have”. I kid you not that I have seen this error in the employee handbooks of billion-dollar companies. It’s obvious that the writer is thinking of the contraction “must’ve”, but actually spelled it “must of”. It just chills my soul to think that there are highly paid HR professionals still making this mistake.
>> “z” as a plural indicator. I absolutely refuse to deal with any merchant that uses “trash-English” like “savingz”, or worse, “$avingz”. But I’ve seen “carz”, “phonez”, “Prepaid Cardz”, and other abominations on high, bright banners. The day that “savingz” becomes a proper word is they day that the American English dictionary will have to be euthanized for its own good.
>> “Ain’t Got No”. I swear to God that I have seen the phrase “ain’t got no” in advertising. The radio station at work has some car ad that plays five or six times per day. Their tag line is “You ain’t got no money down? You ain’t got no credit? C’mon down! Your JOB’S your CREDIT!” I could simplify it and make it more dignified, by suggesting, “If you don’t have good credit, but you’re gainfully employed, we can sell you a car!” Isn’t that much better? Of course, if I saw the ad in print instead of hearing it on the radio, it would probably read, “Yoo ain’t gott know monnie down?! Yoo ain’t got no Kredit?!! C’mon down!!! Your JOBZ you’re KREDIT!”
>> Which brings me to “Your”, “You’re”, There”, “Their”, “They’re”, et al. I’ve seen these word confusions so many times in print that I firmly believe that some merchants should only advertise on radio.
>> Too much punctuation. What badly written ad would be complete without phrases that end in “?!”, “!!”, or even “!!!!!!!!!”? But fear not: you’ll never see the poor, misunderstood semi-colon in print; people just don’t know how to use this symbol anymore.
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( 2.9 / 1026 )Friday, May 12, 2006, 07:28 PM - Dumb Happenings
SO... I told a friend (and former employer) that I would help him out with selling phones at the local baseball stadium. I got Doug to drive me to the train station so that I could get to the stadium without wasting gasoline.
Well... Like a fool, I forgot the damned entry pass! So I had to catch the train again going in the opposite direction and then walk two miles home.
Doug drove me out *again*. This time I have the entry pass.
I just don’t understand why my mind just doesn’t function correctly. I just forget things -- a lot. It’s been like that my whole life (which at least means it’s not alzheimers’ disease). But I get so tired of feeling stupid all the time. I’m just such a loser.
Because I’m so stupid, I managed to get Doug pissed off and disappoint a friend at the same time.
I hate myself.
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( 3 / 1362 )Friday, May 12, 2006, 08:23 AM - Stupid Criminals
What I’ve Learned About Islam:
1. It’s a sin to drink alcohol. It’s not a sin, however, to smoke marijuana, snort cocaine, or shoot heroin (or do all three concurrently!)
2. It’s a sin to eat pork. It’s not a sin, however, to lie, steal, forge documents, kite checks, smuggle guns, or deal drugs.
3. Homosexuality is a sin. It’s not a sin, however, to father 5 or 6 illegitimate children by 5 or 6 different women and then never pay a dime in child support.
4. Muslim folk are apparently supposed to hate America. This hatred, however, doesn’t preclude them from collecting welfare, food stamps, Section-8 housing subsidies, Medicaid, and bogus “disability” income.
5. Americans are supposed to hold Islam in the highest respect. It’s okay, however, for Muslims to harass, harm, or even murder anyone who doesn’t follow Islam.
6. “Pride” isn’t about doing things that make other people proud of you. Most Muslims demonstrating “pride” actually just demonstrate arrogance, rudeness, and contempt.
7. Suicide is a sin. Strapping a bomb to yourself so that you can blow up a school bus full of elementary school children is a holy act.
8. Shaving one’s beard is a sin. Paying a surgeon to mutilate your wife’s genitals, however, is not a sin.
9. Middle East poverty is the fault of America and Israel. The fact that the ruling families of each Middle Eastern country are all mega-billionares who don’t spend a red cent on their respective country’s infrastructure is simply a co-incidence.
10. When disasters happen in Islamic countries, the United States is supposed start cutting checks. When disasters happen in America, Muslims worldwide (including those in the USA) dance in the street and praise Allah.
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( 3 / 1851 )Saturday, May 6, 2006, 01:52 PM - Cool Stuff
Now, some people drive really conservatively because they don’t know how to drive. Other people, like myself, just don’t like getting tickets. But I *do* occasionally like to push the pedal to the floor. So when Doug and I were heading out this morning and Doug said, “You have to drive faster because we’re running late,” I replied, “You don’t have to ask me twice!”
I got my little Civic Hybrid up to 95 MPH on i83, and you could *really* hear the electric motor whine! I drained 85% of the battery pack in 5 minutes with this driving! Then I took the exit ramp so fast that two of the car’s wheels almost came off the ground. Slowing down for the ramp brought the battery pack up to 45%. Then I gloated on the Beltway as we blew past a SUV that almost seemed like it was standing still, and some dude who was actually reading the Baltimore Sun while driving. Again, I drove the battery down to 20% with 90+ MPH driving. When we exited on Greenspring Avenue, it had this long, straight downhill segment that allowed the kinetic energy recovery system to boost power back to 80%. At the bottom of the hill I floored it again. There’s nothing as exciting as driving 87 in a 30 MPH residential neighbourhood! Driving the batteries down to 25% again, we sped into the parking lot with a mighty screech and the smell of smouldering rubber.
I love to drive!
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( 3 / 1445 )Friday, May 5, 2006, 07:39 PM - Random Thoughts
Yay! Another fun LIST from Hanuman's website!
1. If you could be any person in the world, who would you be, and why? Heck, I’m already FIVE people!
2. Describe a place you remember from your childhood. I remember visiting my grandfather (years before he got sick with cancer and died.) He used to cut my hair when I was six to eight years old. Sometimes he would take me and mom out to the golf course restaurant to eat brunch after church. I remember he was one of the first people to own an Atari 2600, and I was totally obsessed with “Breakout” and “Combat”. I remember how awesome it was the year he built a swimming pool in the back year of his house.
3. How did you meet your closest friend?
My closest friend is also my partner. The hilarious thing is that I had run a personal ad in which I described myself as, “An average guy who likes really bad movies, reading cheap paperbacks, and playing Dungeons & Dragons”. Doug had just moved from Memphis to Baltimore and had read my ad in the City Paper and found it to be the only one that didn’t gloat over the length/width of various appendages. The rest is history. 5/15/06 will be our 7th anniversary.
4. What is something you do well?
I am very good at assimilating existing concepts in different ways in order to create something new. A lot of my writing is like that. My roleplaying game has certain elements of six different games, along with a lot of original content. I’m also good at multitasking and creative writing.
5. What would have happened if you didn't leave the house this morning?
I’d probably lose my job, since I am a probationary employee for another seven months!
6. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Ireland. If there is anywhere on Earth that really has a Twilight Gate, it will be Ireland.
7. What sets you apart from the crowd?
I have a very unique sense of humor while at the same time being a total workaholic.
8. What do you want to be remembered for? I’d like to be remembered as a good person, whose faith prevailed in the face of some truly horrible catastrophes and abuses.
9. What is the nicest thing you have done for someone?
I don’t know. It all depends on how the beneficiary of the good deed interpreted my help. I rarely go out of my way to be mean to people – except for hurling curses at the junkie beggars.
10. What is the greatest lesson you've learned so far in your life?
God rewards the people who have hurt me the most.
11. What is your favorite day of the week? Saturday (the workweek is over, and the weekend has just begun!).
12. How old would you be if you didn't know your real age? 24.
13. Name some things you are thankful for. For Doug (my partner); for Nancy Stavely (the choirmaster at my church); for having decent health; for having enough food to eat; for having a new job that I enjoy; for being able to retain my faith through the dark years; for being able to write creatively; for being able to retain some measure of sanity in the aftermath of being on the receiving end of many years of child abuse; for finally making peace with being gay.
14. What was your favorite childhood toy?
I had a stuffed animal that was in the shape of a shark.
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( 3 / 1343 )Friday, May 5, 2006, 05:41 PM - Dumb Happenings
Y'know. . . I never thought I would find a type of cheese that I DIDN'T like. But last night, I managed to do just that. There's a Wegmans' grocery store in the Baltimore and Wegmans is the Mecca of grocery stores. I's got a huge aisle dedicated just to CHEESE. So Doug and I have been trying out a new kind of cheese each week.
Well, I tried this imported German cheese (with the writing in German, and an English translation in very small print). It was just listed as "traditional German semi-soft cheese". I cut the package open and the first thing that I noticed is that the cheese smelled like POOP! I'm not kidding! The cheese was also really oily. The "semisoft" texture was the same consistancy as poo also.
UUURRRGGHHH!!!!!!
It looked like cheese, but that was about it. I almost threw up when I took a good whiff. It went right into the trash.
It was only then that I thought: Are the Germans actually KNOWN for making good cheese? :P
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( 3 / 1063 )Wednesday, May 3, 2006, 09:35 PM - Random Thoughts
My fifth probationary performance review went well. As an entry-level law enforcement agent, I'm on probationary status for a whole year. What a drag! The trainee pay is pretty low too. But at least in seven more months, I get made permanent, I get a promotion from Investigator-trainee to Investigator-I, and I get a $5000/Year raise.[ 2 comments ] ( 6 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 3 / 1334 )Wednesday, May 3, 2006, 09:13 PM - Random Thoughts
I had a dreaded dentist appointment today. I have to go in for a checkup every three months instead of every six Because my teeth are so weak. And my teeth are weak because of the malnutrition and neglect I experienced when I was a kid. I've probably spent about $3,000 per year for the past seven years getting my teeth fixed.
But today, the dentist actually didn't find anything wrong! It was really just an ordinary exam! Maybe my teeth will finally hold up for a while.
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( 3 / 1529 )Tuesday, May 2, 2006, 08:13 PM - Cool Stuff
Doug has lost 22 pounds on his weight loss plan. He lost two pounds this week. I am REALLY proud of him!
A lot of people in his family are big, but he's bucket genetics! I am really happy for him!
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( 3 / 1406 )Monday, May 1, 2006, 05:26 PM - Cool Stuff
I added a forum for my roleplaying game (located at www.gaianar.com) It's pretty cool. I don't know how many of the readers here enjoy Dungeons & Dragons, but I wrote a roleplauying game from scratch that is in the fantasy RPG genre. The big difference here is that my game is FREE, heh heh.
Aside from game topics, I'm going to use the forum to host political rants as well (including a special section dedicated to bashing Bush!)
If anyone wants to check it out, just visit my RPG site and click the "Gaianar Forum" icon on the lefthand menu bar
World of Gaianar
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