Tuesday, April 25, 2006, 10:01 PM - Random Thoughts
For you British readers, BGE is the power company that services Maryland. They just became a deregulated monopoly and announced a huge rate hike. They have this condescending spokeswoman who lecturespeople on conserving energy.
Here's MY version, ha ha.
More Tips From Allegra
A BGE Parody
Now that price caps are ending and BGE is becoming a multi-billion dollar unregulated monopoly, we’re going to nearly double your bill over the next eighteen months, and charge you extra for the process of raising your prices! But our spokesperson, Allegra, is here to tell you how you can cut back even further on energy use!
>>> Set your hot water heater to 80 degrees. It’s tepid, uncomfortable to bathe in, and isn’t hot enough to wash your clothes or dishes -- but you’ll save so much money!
>>> In the winter, set your thermostat to 50 degrees. Wear a sweater, parka, mittens and boots indoors for extra warmth.
>>> Have a fireplace? You can burn the Baltimore Sun and other junk mail for extra heat. Breaking down no-longer-needed wooden furniture is also a smart, cost-effective way to keep out the chill.
>>> Buy a dog. Not only do they add household security and amiable companionship, dogs are great for keeping your couch or bed warm.
>>> Buy a Toyota Prius and siphon off electricity from its internal 500-volt power plant. Who says hybrids just save you money at the pump!
>>> In summer, stay at work later so that you can enjoy your boss’s air conditioning system. The extra overtime will help pay the rate increases!
>>> Consider moving the Family Room to the basement. Underground dwellings tend to maintain a comfortable 59 degrees year-round!
>>> Own a three bedroom house? Trade it in for a one-bedroom flat. The energy savings will let you afford to put your kids in boarding school.
>>> Buy a treadmill. Losing weight increases one’s circulation and therefore ones tolerance to heat and cold.
>>> Savvy seniors: you, too, can afford the rate hikes. Just take your prescription medicines every other day to save money for your power bill. Smart seniors have also already learned that cat food isn’t just for cats anymore! Take those grocery savings and pay for your August air conditioning!
See, Citizens? With just a few common-sense adjustments, you can not only pay the 72% price increase, but ensure that the BGE directorate gets their billion-dollar year-end bonuses! And doesn’t that give you a warm feeling?
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( 3.1 / 1430 )Monday, April 24, 2006, 06:50 PM - Random Thoughts
I got the clever notion from Sunshine's page. Just click the link to take a groovy 10-question quiz on how well you know me!
http://www03.quizyourfriends.com/linkquiz03.php?quizname=060424183950-478764&
Quiz
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( 3 / 1523 )Monday, April 24, 2006, 08:51 AM - halo's thoughts
when the last of a thousand candles burning brightly have extinguished
darkness will return
when the last of a thousand voices singing hymns of life have died
silence will return
the sigil of entropy
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( 3 / 1638 )Monday, April 24, 2006, 08:29 AM - Stupid Criminals
In nature, particularly in mammals, the female of a given species usually tries to advance the characteristics of species by selecting a mate with advantageous qualities (smarter, faster, healthier, furrier, better claws, etc.) But in Baltimore, the human species appears to be undergoing an advanced, accelerated reverse evolution. Why, because the females of the human species choose to procreate with males of no discernible human advantages.
Baltimore is second in the nation for illegitimate births, burglary, and car theft. We’re third for unemployment in youths 18-25. We are numero uno in drug addiction. Yes indeed! One in eight citizens in Baltimore has a substance abuse problem, and that directly corresponds to the high crime, high unemployment, and high illegitimacy rates.
So how does this relate to reverse evolution? Glad you asked!
When I’m doing a pretrial release interview, some of the questions I ask pertain to the defendant’s demographics. Here’s how these questions usually go:
Me: Marital Status? Your choices are single, married, widowed, divorced, or separated.
Def: Single
Me: Any children?
Def: I thinks I gots four or five.
Me: Do you pay child support?
Def: No
Me: Who is your current employer?
Def: Ain’t gots no job.
Me: Your highest level of education?
Def: 9th grade.
Me: Are you using any illegal drugs?
Def: Heroin. I use a little coke here and there too.
Me: How often?
Def: Every day.
Me: Would you be interested in free drug treatment and detox?
Def: Man, I can stops any times I wants!
Yeah. Right.
So I have to ask: what woman in her right mind would want to have sex with these sleazy, grubby, violent, lazy losers? And yet they do. . . Frequently!
By having gaggles of fatherless, drug-prone kids, these inner city women are NOT helping the human race advance to the next level of evolution.
For humans, the three primary traits worthy of increase are intelligence, empathy, and creativity. But in Baltimore, these traits are actually shunned -- severely and actively. You can actually get murdered in Baltimore for maintaining a 4.0 grade point average (or straight “A”s, depending on the scale). Here, the female of the species appears to value stupidity, laziness, and aggression as traits worthy of passing on to the next generation. The result? Some of the younger defendants are so stupid that they can barely speak! But their low cunning enables them to still cut the throat of an old man (for $5) so he can buy a crack rock or a heroin gelcap.
Another four or five generations of this and we could be looking at an actual divergence of the species. We’ll have regular humans in the ‘burbs and rural areas and have a new, violent orc-like species that rule the crumbling inner cities.
In Baltimore at least...
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( 3 / 1842 )Sunday, April 23, 2006, 10:02 AM - Random Thoughts
I got this list from Hanuman's blog . Feel free to copy it and answer it your way.
53 Questions
1. How old were you when you knew you were gay? 14
2. Have you ever had sex with the opposite sex? Yes. Once. It finalized any notion of ever being straight. Oh well.
3. Who was the first person you came out to? A close friend, Gail. She’s a lesbian. .
4. Are you out to your family? Yes. The revelation got mixed results.
5. Do you want children? Not just no, but hell no.
6. Do you have more gay friends or straight friends? Mostly Straight.
7. Were you out in school? No. But if I could do it again, I’d be out in college. Not in high school, however.
8. Is your best friend the same sex as you? Yes.
9. If your best friend is the same sex, have you ever had sex with him/her? Yes. My life partner is also my best friend!
10. Have you ever done crystal meth? Hell no! Having a dissociative disorder (MPD) is tough enough without dope!
11. Have you ever been in a sling? Nope. I seem to avoid being badly injured when I get in car wrecks. Does a hang glider harness count?
12. Have you ever done a 3-way? That has no interest for me. Yuck!
13. Have you ever dressed in drag? No. I think my partner would like to try, however. I've dressed like a monk a few times, though.
13. Would you date a drag queen? Well, it my partner went drag, I wouldn’t leave him.
14. Are you a top/bottom or truly versatile? I'm versatile. I lean a little towards bottom.
15. Have you seen an uncircumcised penis? Yes. Not impressed. It reminds me too much of an animal penis. Big turnoff.
16. Have you had sex with someone of a different ethnicity? Does Jewish count?
17. Have you ever barebacked? Yes. It's easy when you're in a 7-year exclusive relationship.
18. How many Cher CDs do you own? None. Doug's got quite a few.
19. Does size matter? Yes. Long but narrow is the best.
20. Biggest turn on? Being seduced unexpectedly.
21. Biggest turn off? Doug never turns me off.
22. Worst gay stereotype that applies to you? I worry about getting fat.
23. Ever been to a pride rally? No.
24. Would you marry if you could? If it was called a "civil union" I definitely would. If it was called "marriage" I'd really have to think about it.
25. Would you rather be rich and smart or young and beautiful? Rich and smart. If I could *really* pick, I'd choose young and smart.
26. Do you sculpt your eyebrows? No.
27. Do you trim your body hair? Yes.
28. Ever had sex with more than one person in a day? No.
29. Ever been to an orgy? Not just no but hell no.
30. Have you dated your best friends ex? No.
31. Would you vote for Hillary Clinton if she ran for president? Probably not. But if the Republicans ran Pat Beaucanon or some other ignorant crazy homophobe, then yes.
32. Do you want monogamy in your relationships? Absolutely!
33. Do you believe in true love? Yes
34. Do you have any tattoos? No. I can’t think of any Icon I’d want on my body for the rest of my life.
35. Do you have any piercing? No. That’s too close to self-mutilation.
36. Would you date a smoker? No.
37. Do you get HIV tests every 6 months? Not necessary.
38. Do you know anyone who has died from H.I.V.? No.
39. Do you know what Stonewall was? A Civil War General?
40. Strangest place you have had sex? We’re pretty vanilla when it comes to sex.
41. Strangest place you've woken up? San Juan, Puerto Rico. It was a terrible, long business trip. I worked 84 hours over six days.
42. Are your best years behind or in front of you? Still in front of me, I hope! So far so good. My childhood was a nightmare that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
43. Favorite porn star? I don’t watch porn.
44. Are you in love now? Yes!
45. Ever been in love with a straight guy/girl? Yes.
46. Did you ever have sex with them? No. He was straight. He *was* flattered, however!
47. Have you ever been to a nude beach? Yes. It convinced me that most people look better fully clothed. Aieeeee!
48. Have you ever been to a bath house? Does the shower room at the gym count?
49. Ever had sex in public? No.
50. Have you ever been/stayed in a relationship for Money or Security, instead of Love and Friendship? No and No
51. Have you ever keyed someone's car? No, though I have been tempted! Some useless homophobic redneck *did* key my car once, however.
52. Have you ever fantasized killing someone not famous? No. I've hoped that they would die, but, that's different.
53. Have you ever witnessed someone dying? Yes. I was in the hospital ER because Halo tried to kill our body (he slashed our wrists). Some other Patient in the ER had heart arrhythmia then flatlined. They could not revive her.
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( 2.9 / 1605 )Saturday, April 22, 2006, 12:02 PM - Odd Dreams
In my dream last night, I was sort of an invisible shadow-spirit that was somehow linked to a small 3 or 4-year old child. I could look out the child’s eyes or use my own perception. I had no control over where we went. I don’t think the boy knew that he dragged me along as if I was some sort of helium balloon.
The weird thing was how *huge* everything looked if I used the boy’s eyes to see. Stairs really did have to be *climbed*.
The scene was in some suburban neighbourhood. The child had apparently been playing at some playground but had wandered off. Now it was twilight and the boy was getting scared. He did not know how to get home.
He chose a house at random and walked up the driveway to the back door. From the boy’s perspective, the bushes on either side of the pavement might as well have been 20’ tall. He climbed the stairs using his hands and feet and banged on the back door.
He could not reach the doorknob. But even though my body was insubstantial and invisible, I was able to grab the knob and turn it.
The boy walked into an unlit kitchen just as an elderly white-haired man came downstairs. He turned on the lights and said with surprise, “I wasn’t expecting a visit from you!” He said it in a kind way, however. He must have known the boy’s parents, since he followed it up with, “What say we get you home?” His accent sounded a lot like Edward Woodward’s (aka “The Equalizer”).
The man looked like a thin giant to the boy, even though I could see that he was about 6’1”.
He led the boy out to an old pickup truck. I followed, since I was tethered to him. The boy was just tall enough to climb into the truck unassisted -- but barely so.
I guess this happened in England, since the truck was a right-hand drive. The boy cried a little -- not out of sadness, but out of relief that someone was helping him. He was glad he was going home.
That’s where the dream ended.
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( 3 / 1428 )Friday, April 21, 2006, 09:06 AM - Dumb Happenings
It just got a lot more expensive to live in Maryland . About ten years ago, the legislature got the bright idea to deregulite the power industry. After all, it worked *so* well in California! What was supposed to happen here was the introduction of power competition, and this competition was supposed to keep the prices in check.
Well, it's ten years later, and there's *no* competition and the government price restrictions are about to dissolve. The result? BGE (the power company) is going to raise *everyone's* rates 72% because they *can*.
Maryland is already one of the most expensive states for power. After the rate increase, only California will be more expensive (co-incidently, the only other completely deregulated state).
Personally, I don't think private industry can be trusted with utilities. I think they should be run by state or federal agencies in order to keep prices down.
Our governor also inked a sweetheart deal for BGE in which customers can phase in the rate hike over two years, but pay *interest* as if the phased hike was some sort of loan. Wonderful.
So this hike, along with the 224% increase in gasoline prices since 2000, make me wonder: how are we supposed to pay for this?
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( 3 / 1253 )Thursday, April 20, 2006, 04:21 PM - Random Thoughts
This week has been a real drag. I started catching a cold after Doug and I came back from New York. Today I feel like total crap. I actually blew through an entire box of tissues.
My law enforcement job theoretically has sick leave, but it’s hard to use. Every absence has to be documented in writing by a doctor. That’s fine for getting a tooth drilled or a mundane health checkup. But it’s not useful if one just has a common cold and needs a day or two of rest. Oh well. This cold won’t last forever.
What I *really* hate is the knowledge that Doug will be sick in another 7-10 days because of me. That just sucks. It makes my Halo aspect start chanting about how I’m a harbinger of doom and bad breath (or whatever).
At least I only have to get through tomorrow. Then I will have two days of work-free rest.
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( 3 / 1616 )Tuesday, April 18, 2006, 09:56 PM - Drrruuggsss
The thing I've noticed about the defendants that use drugs is that each type kills off a piece of their psyche.
Marihuana kills off ambition. Most defendants who abuse Marihuana aren't mean or cruel, but it just seems like the psychologically stop aging at whatever age they were when they started smoking pot. Thus, you have a lot of 40. year-old potheads that still live with their live with their parents and work $6/ hour jobs.
Cocaine kills off empathy. People on cocaine do vicious and cruel things to the people they love. They turn into nasty predators.
Heroin kills off one's soul. the people addicted to heroin really are the walking dead. Their skin shrivels, their teeth fall out, and they become frighteningly gaunt. The sacred fire that makes one truly alive just gutters and extinguishes. After that, a heroin addict just staggers around looking for the next fix. they have sold their souls.
Personally, I think people who SELL heroin should be imprisoned in the deepest dungeons of the Yucca Flats salt mine. They should never be allowed to seethe sun.
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( 2.9 / 2302 )Monday, April 17, 2006, 09:03 PM - Cool Stuff
I can honestly say that I had the kind of Easter holiday that I enjoy the most: a nice church service and a good dinner with Doug.
The church service was great. I had a five-bell assignment and also sung tenor. The Choirmaster's selections were ultra-tough as always, but we pulled it off flawlessly!
Then, Doug and I visited two friends for a while before we went out for Easter dinner. We had ham steak and mashed potatoes at the Nautiloid. It was just Doug and I -- no crazy relatives. Very nice! No fuss, no muss/
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