Thursday, May 18, 2006, 08:33 AM
Tuesday was a REALLY busy day at Pretrial, so several defendants had to wait 3-4 hours before they could be processed and released. Well, one of the heroin zombies started getting agitated around noon. She looked like she weighed about 70 pounds and only had about six teeth left. She made a few pathetic-sounding moans before she stood up and declared, "I ain't had no JUNK in TWO DAYS!"
The supervisor came out of her office and told her to sit down and shut up.
So she sulked for about 15 minutes before she stood up again and started crying, "Iz needz muh SHIT!"
Then she started rolling all over the floor and was crying and whimpering about how she needed her "junk" and her "shit". Pathetic!
The sheriffs took her away. On the bright side, she will undoubtedly get referred for detox and drug treatment. It's too late to save her teeth, but maybe she'll be able to save her LIFE if she gets cleaned up!
[ 4 comments ] ( 12 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 3.1 / 1202 )Wednesday, May 17, 2006, 03:01 PM
Doug and I had out 7th anniversary on Monday. Doug picked out a completely aweso,e seafood restaraunt and we both had some of the best fish dishes we've ever had. I also had two very good martinis! The restaraunt has deserts that were made fresh daily. I had a fruit tart and doug had a creme broulet. The shrimp cocktail that Doug had as an appetizer had the largest shrimp I've ever seen! The salads were great too.
All in all, it was the best meal we've had since the last cruise. Amazingly, Doug STILL managed to lose a pound at the Jenny Craig weigh-in, despite the huge dinner we had. Very cool!
[ 4 comments ] ( 19 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 3 / 1028 )Wednesday, May 17, 2006, 02:53 PM
I had a terrible dream that reminded me of 911. I was in the downtown area of some large metropolis [I don't think it was Baltimore]. I was supposed to be having a good time, but instead I felt an overwhelming sense of doom.
It had been sunny and warm that day. Suddenly, I heard a huge explosion overhead and hot ash rained down from the sky. I was afraid to look up, for fear of getting the charred cinders in my eyes. The world turned from color to monochrome, and I could feel the life of thousands suddenly extinguish. I believe their deaths were somehow linked to the loss of color.
Around me, other people looked up at what I was afraid to see. They looked up and wept. I sensed their feelings of crushing loss and despair.
The air grew suddenly cold charcoal-colored snow began drifting down from the grey sky. All the color was gone from everything, and the world looked like images shot by an old-fashioned 8mm movie camera.
I knew that the survivors would survive, and perhaps rebuild. But I also knew that the act of savegry could never be repaid in kind. The injury inflicted would be a lasting one indeed.
[ add comment ] | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 3 / 1041 )Monday, May 15, 2006, 08:07 AM - Dumb Happenings
Well, apparently there’s a REASON why military suicides are at the highest rates ever. Back in 1997, Congress ordered that all “front line” personnel be psychologically evaluated to ensure that they could handle the stress of extended, full-time, theatre of war. When Resident Bush took over, he suspended this programme.
Only 1 in 300 soldiers get the required evaluation before being sent to Iraq. Moreover, soldiers with deteriorating mental health are mandated to remain in place instead of redeployed to a less stressful assignment.
This is pretty typical of Resident Bush, however. He doesn’t read books and doesn’t believe in science. He’s never served in combat. He doesn’t watch the news or read the paper. So why would he give any credence to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or any other war-related mental illnesses?
[ 1 comment ] ( 3 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 3 / 1440 )Sunday, May 14, 2006, 08:47 PM - Cool Stuff
Hanuman wrote something KIND on his website for his mother. But my mum and I share a rather darker sense of humor.
"M" is for the Meatloaf that turned out like shoe leather.
"O" is for the occasional Oven fire.
"T" is fur the Terror behind the wheel.
"H" is for the Horrible, yet Hilarious home videos
"E" is for the many Ethanol-based concoctions at Red Lobster
"R" is for the Ringing of the smoke alarms when dinners ready!
Put it all together, well... you get the idea!
[ 3 comments ] ( 9 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 3 / 1091 )Sunday, May 14, 2006, 06:05 PM - Dumb Happenings
I want a new phone. Actually, I want a new phone like Doug's phone. If I had a Sidekick, then I could junk my ancient Blackberry pager that's running on the old TDMA system and now gets only intermittant reception.
I tried bidding on Ebay, and I've been finding that the used Sidekicks sell for 80-90% of what a new unit costs. No thanks. I then called T-Moble customer care and the told me (and I'm not kidding), "The Sidekick is so popular that we can't waste these phones on upgrade customers". Oh.. I see... So only brand new customers get to buy the cool phones!
What a crock. I am very disappointed. It also seems like major corporations do very little to retain their customers once they've secured them under contract. All they seem to care about is grabbing the "new" customer. And that doesn't even make any sense. After all, you KNOW if your existing customers are paying their bills. A new customer is an unknown quantity. They could opt fot the "free" phione and then never send the company a dime in service fees. I've seen it happen that way all the time when I sold phones for Cingular.
[ 1 comment ] ( 7 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 2.9 / 1523 )Saturday, May 13, 2006, 12:22 PM - Random Thoughts
Bad Grammar and Spelling
What annoys me on an ongoing basis are the blatant examples of bad grammar and bad spelling in American merchandizing. Even multi-billion-dollar corporations are not exempt from faulty syntax. I’ll list the ones I just find to be like fingernails on the chalk board:
>> Microsoft Windows. When the blue “start” screen displays, the user sees “Windows is Starting Up”. Shouldn’t it simply be “Windows is Starting”? After all, the computer isn’t actually going anywhere (up or down).
>> Rite Aid. This is a pharmacy (chemist, for you Brits). And yet, “rite” means “ritual”. So going into “Rite Aid”, shouldn’t we be able to find chalices, crosses, Stars of David, Korans, Bibles, incense censers, cloaks, bells, and candles? How about “Right Aid”, guys?
>> Nite, Lite, Rite, Tite, et al. I am dreading the day that these truncated words actually become accepted as standard syntax. Let’s face it: you’re only saving one character space by converting “night” into “nite”. Sure, you’re cutting out the “gh”, but you’re gaining an “e”. To me, these truncated spellings aren’t “with it”, “modern”, or “cool”. To me, it just looks cheap and lazy.
>> “Kwik” and “Kool”, and other “K” words. When I see advertisers hawk their “Kwik Kopies” or their “Kool Menthol Cigarettes”, I just cringe. The existence of a brand of cigarettes called “Kool” is reason enough to never stop smoking. As for “Kwik Kopies”, if they’re in such a hurry that they can’t afford time for the “c” to return “Kwik” to “Quick”, then they don’t have time for me as a customer!
>> “Must of” instead of “must have”. I kid you not that I have seen this error in the employee handbooks of billion-dollar companies. It’s obvious that the writer is thinking of the contraction “must’ve”, but actually spelled it “must of”. It just chills my soul to think that there are highly paid HR professionals still making this mistake.
>> “z” as a plural indicator. I absolutely refuse to deal with any merchant that uses “trash-English” like “savingz”, or worse, “$avingz”. But I’ve seen “carz”, “phonez”, “Prepaid Cardz”, and other abominations on high, bright banners. The day that “savingz” becomes a proper word is they day that the American English dictionary will have to be euthanized for its own good.
>> “Ain’t Got No”. I swear to God that I have seen the phrase “ain’t got no” in advertising. The radio station at work has some car ad that plays five or six times per day. Their tag line is “You ain’t got no money down? You ain’t got no credit? C’mon down! Your JOB’S your CREDIT!” I could simplify it and make it more dignified, by suggesting, “If you don’t have good credit, but you’re gainfully employed, we can sell you a car!” Isn’t that much better? Of course, if I saw the ad in print instead of hearing it on the radio, it would probably read, “Yoo ain’t gott know monnie down?! Yoo ain’t got no Kredit?!! C’mon down!!! Your JOBZ you’re KREDIT!”
>> Which brings me to “Your”, “You’re”, There”, “Their”, “They’re”, et al. I’ve seen these word confusions so many times in print that I firmly believe that some merchants should only advertise on radio.
>> Too much punctuation. What badly written ad would be complete without phrases that end in “?!”, “!!”, or even “!!!!!!!!!”? But fear not: you’ll never see the poor, misunderstood semi-colon in print; people just don’t know how to use this symbol anymore.
[ 3 comments ] ( 29 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 2.9 / 972 )Friday, May 12, 2006, 07:28 PM - Dumb Happenings
SO... I told a friend (and former employer) that I would help him out with selling phones at the local baseball stadium. I got Doug to drive me to the train station so that I could get to the stadium without wasting gasoline.
Well... Like a fool, I forgot the damned entry pass! So I had to catch the train again going in the opposite direction and then walk two miles home.
Doug drove me out *again*. This time I have the entry pass.
I just don’t understand why my mind just doesn’t function correctly. I just forget things -- a lot. It’s been like that my whole life (which at least means it’s not alzheimers’ disease). But I get so tired of feeling stupid all the time. I’m just such a loser.
Because I’m so stupid, I managed to get Doug pissed off and disappoint a friend at the same time.
I hate myself.
[ 2 comments ] ( 9 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 3 / 1306 )Friday, May 12, 2006, 08:23 AM - Stupid Criminals
What I’ve Learned About Islam:
1. It’s a sin to drink alcohol. It’s not a sin, however, to smoke marijuana, snort cocaine, or shoot heroin (or do all three concurrently!)
2. It’s a sin to eat pork. It’s not a sin, however, to lie, steal, forge documents, kite checks, smuggle guns, or deal drugs.
3. Homosexuality is a sin. It’s not a sin, however, to father 5 or 6 illegitimate children by 5 or 6 different women and then never pay a dime in child support.
4. Muslim folk are apparently supposed to hate America. This hatred, however, doesn’t preclude them from collecting welfare, food stamps, Section-8 housing subsidies, Medicaid, and bogus “disability” income.
5. Americans are supposed to hold Islam in the highest respect. It’s okay, however, for Muslims to harass, harm, or even murder anyone who doesn’t follow Islam.
6. “Pride” isn’t about doing things that make other people proud of you. Most Muslims demonstrating “pride” actually just demonstrate arrogance, rudeness, and contempt.
7. Suicide is a sin. Strapping a bomb to yourself so that you can blow up a school bus full of elementary school children is a holy act.
8. Shaving one’s beard is a sin. Paying a surgeon to mutilate your wife’s genitals, however, is not a sin.
9. Middle East poverty is the fault of America and Israel. The fact that the ruling families of each Middle Eastern country are all mega-billionares who don’t spend a red cent on their respective country’s infrastructure is simply a co-incidence.
10. When disasters happen in Islamic countries, the United States is supposed start cutting checks. When disasters happen in America, Muslims worldwide (including those in the USA) dance in the street and praise Allah.
[ 2 comments ] ( 16 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 3 / 1793 )Saturday, May 6, 2006, 01:52 PM - Cool Stuff
Now, some people drive really conservatively because they don’t know how to drive. Other people, like myself, just don’t like getting tickets. But I *do* occasionally like to push the pedal to the floor. So when Doug and I were heading out this morning and Doug said, “You have to drive faster because we’re running late,” I replied, “You don’t have to ask me twice!”
I got my little Civic Hybrid up to 95 MPH on i83, and you could *really* hear the electric motor whine! I drained 85% of the battery pack in 5 minutes with this driving! Then I took the exit ramp so fast that two of the car’s wheels almost came off the ground. Slowing down for the ramp brought the battery pack up to 45%. Then I gloated on the Beltway as we blew past a SUV that almost seemed like it was standing still, and some dude who was actually reading the Baltimore Sun while driving. Again, I drove the battery down to 20% with 90+ MPH driving. When we exited on Greenspring Avenue, it had this long, straight downhill segment that allowed the kinetic energy recovery system to boost power back to 80%. At the bottom of the hill I floored it again. There’s nothing as exciting as driving 87 in a 30 MPH residential neighbourhood! Driving the batteries down to 25% again, we sped into the parking lot with a mighty screech and the smell of smouldering rubber.
I love to drive!
[ 3 comments ] ( 11 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 3 / 1384 )Back Next
