Saturday, May 13, 2006, 12:22 PM - Random Thoughts
Bad Grammar and Spelling
What annoys me on an ongoing basis are the blatant examples of bad grammar and bad spelling in American merchandizing. Even multi-billion-dollar corporations are not exempt from faulty syntax. I’ll list the ones I just find to be like fingernails on the chalk board:
>> Microsoft Windows. When the blue “start” screen displays, the user sees “Windows is Starting Up”. Shouldn’t it simply be “Windows is Starting”? After all, the computer isn’t actually going anywhere (up or down).
>> Rite Aid. This is a pharmacy (chemist, for you Brits). And yet, “rite” means “ritual”. So going into “Rite Aid”, shouldn’t we be able to find chalices, crosses, Stars of David, Korans, Bibles, incense censers, cloaks, bells, and candles? How about “Right Aid”, guys?
>> Nite, Lite, Rite, Tite, et al. I am dreading the day that these truncated words actually become accepted as standard syntax. Let’s face it: you’re only saving one character space by converting “night” into “nite”. Sure, you’re cutting out the “gh”, but you’re gaining an “e”. To me, these truncated spellings aren’t “with it”, “modern”, or “cool”. To me, it just looks cheap and lazy.
>> “Kwik” and “Kool”, and other “K” words. When I see advertisers hawk their “Kwik Kopies” or their “Kool Menthol Cigarettes”, I just cringe. The existence of a brand of cigarettes called “Kool” is reason enough to never stop smoking. As for “Kwik Kopies”, if they’re in such a hurry that they can’t afford time for the “c” to return “Kwik” to “Quick”, then they don’t have time for me as a customer!
>> “Must of” instead of “must have”. I kid you not that I have seen this error in the employee handbooks of billion-dollar companies. It’s obvious that the writer is thinking of the contraction “must’ve”, but actually spelled it “must of”. It just chills my soul to think that there are highly paid HR professionals still making this mistake.
>> “z” as a plural indicator. I absolutely refuse to deal with any merchant that uses “trash-English” like “savingz”, or worse, “$avingz”. But I’ve seen “carz”, “phonez”, “Prepaid Cardz”, and other abominations on high, bright banners. The day that “savingz” becomes a proper word is they day that the American English dictionary will have to be euthanized for its own good.
>> “Ain’t Got No”. I swear to God that I have seen the phrase “ain’t got no” in advertising. The radio station at work has some car ad that plays five or six times per day. Their tag line is “You ain’t got no money down? You ain’t got no credit? C’mon down! Your JOB’S your CREDIT!” I could simplify it and make it more dignified, by suggesting, “If you don’t have good credit, but you’re gainfully employed, we can sell you a car!” Isn’t that much better? Of course, if I saw the ad in print instead of hearing it on the radio, it would probably read, “Yoo ain’t gott know monnie down?! Yoo ain’t got no Kredit?!! C’mon down!!! Your JOBZ you’re KREDIT!”
>> Which brings me to “Your”, “You’re”, There”, “Their”, “They’re”, et al. I’ve seen these word confusions so many times in print that I firmly believe that some merchants should only advertise on radio.
>> Too much punctuation. What badly written ad would be complete without phrases that end in “?!”, “!!”, or even “!!!!!!!!!”? But fear not: you’ll never see the poor, misunderstood semi-colon in print; people just don’t know how to use this symbol anymore.
[ 3 comments ] ( 29 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 2.9 / 969 )Friday, May 5, 2006, 07:39 PM - Random Thoughts
Yay! Another fun LIST from Hanuman's website!
1. If you could be any person in the world, who would you be, and why? Heck, I’m already FIVE people!
2. Describe a place you remember from your childhood. I remember visiting my grandfather (years before he got sick with cancer and died.) He used to cut my hair when I was six to eight years old. Sometimes he would take me and mom out to the golf course restaurant to eat brunch after church. I remember he was one of the first people to own an Atari 2600, and I was totally obsessed with “Breakout” and “Combat”. I remember how awesome it was the year he built a swimming pool in the back year of his house.
3. How did you meet your closest friend?
My closest friend is also my partner. The hilarious thing is that I had run a personal ad in which I described myself as, “An average guy who likes really bad movies, reading cheap paperbacks, and playing Dungeons & Dragons”. Doug had just moved from Memphis to Baltimore and had read my ad in the City Paper and found it to be the only one that didn’t gloat over the length/width of various appendages. The rest is history. 5/15/06 will be our 7th anniversary.
4. What is something you do well?
I am very good at assimilating existing concepts in different ways in order to create something new. A lot of my writing is like that. My roleplaying game has certain elements of six different games, along with a lot of original content. I’m also good at multitasking and creative writing.
5. What would have happened if you didn't leave the house this morning?
I’d probably lose my job, since I am a probationary employee for another seven months!
6. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Ireland. If there is anywhere on Earth that really has a Twilight Gate, it will be Ireland.
7. What sets you apart from the crowd?
I have a very unique sense of humor while at the same time being a total workaholic.
8. What do you want to be remembered for? I’d like to be remembered as a good person, whose faith prevailed in the face of some truly horrible catastrophes and abuses.
9. What is the nicest thing you have done for someone?
I don’t know. It all depends on how the beneficiary of the good deed interpreted my help. I rarely go out of my way to be mean to people – except for hurling curses at the junkie beggars.
10. What is the greatest lesson you've learned so far in your life?
God rewards the people who have hurt me the most.
11. What is your favorite day of the week? Saturday (the workweek is over, and the weekend has just begun!).
12. How old would you be if you didn't know your real age? 24.
13. Name some things you are thankful for. For Doug (my partner); for Nancy Stavely (the choirmaster at my church); for having decent health; for having enough food to eat; for having a new job that I enjoy; for being able to retain my faith through the dark years; for being able to write creatively; for being able to retain some measure of sanity in the aftermath of being on the receiving end of many years of child abuse; for finally making peace with being gay.
14. What was your favorite childhood toy?
I had a stuffed animal that was in the shape of a shark.
[ 3 comments ] ( 26 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 3 / 1285 )Wednesday, May 3, 2006, 09:35 PM - Random Thoughts
My fifth probationary performance review went well. As an entry-level law enforcement agent, I'm on probationary status for a whole year. What a drag! The trainee pay is pretty low too. But at least in seven more months, I get made permanent, I get a promotion from Investigator-trainee to Investigator-I, and I get a $5000/Year raise.[ 2 comments ] ( 6 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 3 / 1270 )Wednesday, May 3, 2006, 09:13 PM - Random Thoughts
I had a dreaded dentist appointment today. I have to go in for a checkup every three months instead of every six Because my teeth are so weak. And my teeth are weak because of the malnutrition and neglect I experienced when I was a kid. I've probably spent about $3,000 per year for the past seven years getting my teeth fixed.
But today, the dentist actually didn't find anything wrong! It was really just an ordinary exam! Maybe my teeth will finally hold up for a while.
[ add comment ] | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 3 / 1471 )Tuesday, April 25, 2006, 10:01 PM - Random Thoughts
For you British readers, BGE is the power company that services Maryland. They just became a deregulated monopoly and announced a huge rate hike. They have this condescending spokeswoman who lecturespeople on conserving energy.
Here's MY version, ha ha.
More Tips From Allegra
A BGE Parody
Now that price caps are ending and BGE is becoming a multi-billion dollar unregulated monopoly, we’re going to nearly double your bill over the next eighteen months, and charge you extra for the process of raising your prices! But our spokesperson, Allegra, is here to tell you how you can cut back even further on energy use!
>>> Set your hot water heater to 80 degrees. It’s tepid, uncomfortable to bathe in, and isn’t hot enough to wash your clothes or dishes -- but you’ll save so much money!
>>> In the winter, set your thermostat to 50 degrees. Wear a sweater, parka, mittens and boots indoors for extra warmth.
>>> Have a fireplace? You can burn the Baltimore Sun and other junk mail for extra heat. Breaking down no-longer-needed wooden furniture is also a smart, cost-effective way to keep out the chill.
>>> Buy a dog. Not only do they add household security and amiable companionship, dogs are great for keeping your couch or bed warm.
>>> Buy a Toyota Prius and siphon off electricity from its internal 500-volt power plant. Who says hybrids just save you money at the pump!
>>> In summer, stay at work later so that you can enjoy your boss’s air conditioning system. The extra overtime will help pay the rate increases!
>>> Consider moving the Family Room to the basement. Underground dwellings tend to maintain a comfortable 59 degrees year-round!
>>> Own a three bedroom house? Trade it in for a one-bedroom flat. The energy savings will let you afford to put your kids in boarding school.
>>> Buy a treadmill. Losing weight increases one’s circulation and therefore ones tolerance to heat and cold.
>>> Savvy seniors: you, too, can afford the rate hikes. Just take your prescription medicines every other day to save money for your power bill. Smart seniors have also already learned that cat food isn’t just for cats anymore! Take those grocery savings and pay for your August air conditioning!
See, Citizens? With just a few common-sense adjustments, you can not only pay the 72% price increase, but ensure that the BGE directorate gets their billion-dollar year-end bonuses! And doesn’t that give you a warm feeling?
[ 1 comment ] ( 6 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 3.1 / 1384 )Monday, April 24, 2006, 06:50 PM - Random Thoughts
I got the clever notion from Sunshine's page. Just click the link to take a groovy 10-question quiz on how well you know me!
http://www03.quizyourfriends.com/linkquiz03.php?quizname=060424183950-478764&
Quiz
[ 3 comments ] ( 11 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 3 / 1475 )Sunday, April 23, 2006, 10:02 AM - Random Thoughts
I got this list from Hanuman's blog . Feel free to copy it and answer it your way.
53 Questions
1. How old were you when you knew you were gay? 14
2. Have you ever had sex with the opposite sex? Yes. Once. It finalized any notion of ever being straight. Oh well.
3. Who was the first person you came out to? A close friend, Gail. She’s a lesbian. .
4. Are you out to your family? Yes. The revelation got mixed results.
5. Do you want children? Not just no, but hell no.
6. Do you have more gay friends or straight friends? Mostly Straight.
7. Were you out in school? No. But if I could do it again, I’d be out in college. Not in high school, however.
8. Is your best friend the same sex as you? Yes.
9. If your best friend is the same sex, have you ever had sex with him/her? Yes. My life partner is also my best friend!
10. Have you ever done crystal meth? Hell no! Having a dissociative disorder (MPD) is tough enough without dope!
11. Have you ever been in a sling? Nope. I seem to avoid being badly injured when I get in car wrecks. Does a hang glider harness count?
12. Have you ever done a 3-way? That has no interest for me. Yuck!
13. Have you ever dressed in drag? No. I think my partner would like to try, however. I've dressed like a monk a few times, though.
13. Would you date a drag queen? Well, it my partner went drag, I wouldn’t leave him.
14. Are you a top/bottom or truly versatile? I'm versatile. I lean a little towards bottom.
15. Have you seen an uncircumcised penis? Yes. Not impressed. It reminds me too much of an animal penis. Big turnoff.
16. Have you had sex with someone of a different ethnicity? Does Jewish count?
17. Have you ever barebacked? Yes. It's easy when you're in a 7-year exclusive relationship.
18. How many Cher CDs do you own? None. Doug's got quite a few.
19. Does size matter? Yes. Long but narrow is the best.
20. Biggest turn on? Being seduced unexpectedly.
21. Biggest turn off? Doug never turns me off.
22. Worst gay stereotype that applies to you? I worry about getting fat.
23. Ever been to a pride rally? No.
24. Would you marry if you could? If it was called a "civil union" I definitely would. If it was called "marriage" I'd really have to think about it.
25. Would you rather be rich and smart or young and beautiful? Rich and smart. If I could *really* pick, I'd choose young and smart.
26. Do you sculpt your eyebrows? No.
27. Do you trim your body hair? Yes.
28. Ever had sex with more than one person in a day? No.
29. Ever been to an orgy? Not just no but hell no.
30. Have you dated your best friends ex? No.
31. Would you vote for Hillary Clinton if she ran for president? Probably not. But if the Republicans ran Pat Beaucanon or some other ignorant crazy homophobe, then yes.
32. Do you want monogamy in your relationships? Absolutely!
33. Do you believe in true love? Yes
34. Do you have any tattoos? No. I can’t think of any Icon I’d want on my body for the rest of my life.
35. Do you have any piercing? No. That’s too close to self-mutilation.
36. Would you date a smoker? No.
37. Do you get HIV tests every 6 months? Not necessary.
38. Do you know anyone who has died from H.I.V.? No.
39. Do you know what Stonewall was? A Civil War General?
40. Strangest place you have had sex? We’re pretty vanilla when it comes to sex.
41. Strangest place you've woken up? San Juan, Puerto Rico. It was a terrible, long business trip. I worked 84 hours over six days.
42. Are your best years behind or in front of you? Still in front of me, I hope! So far so good. My childhood was a nightmare that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
43. Favorite porn star? I don’t watch porn.
44. Are you in love now? Yes!
45. Ever been in love with a straight guy/girl? Yes.
46. Did you ever have sex with them? No. He was straight. He *was* flattered, however!
47. Have you ever been to a nude beach? Yes. It convinced me that most people look better fully clothed. Aieeeee!
48. Have you ever been to a bath house? Does the shower room at the gym count?
49. Ever had sex in public? No.
50. Have you ever been/stayed in a relationship for Money or Security, instead of Love and Friendship? No and No
51. Have you ever keyed someone's car? No, though I have been tempted! Some useless homophobic redneck *did* key my car once, however.
52. Have you ever fantasized killing someone not famous? No. I've hoped that they would die, but, that's different.
53. Have you ever witnessed someone dying? Yes. I was in the hospital ER because Halo tried to kill our body (he slashed our wrists). Some other Patient in the ER had heart arrhythmia then flatlined. They could not revive her.
[ 1 comment ] ( 9 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink | related link |
( 2.9 / 1554 )Thursday, April 20, 2006, 04:21 PM - Random Thoughts
This week has been a real drag. I started catching a cold after Doug and I came back from New York. Today I feel like total crap. I actually blew through an entire box of tissues.
My law enforcement job theoretically has sick leave, but it’s hard to use. Every absence has to be documented in writing by a doctor. That’s fine for getting a tooth drilled or a mundane health checkup. But it’s not useful if one just has a common cold and needs a day or two of rest. Oh well. This cold won’t last forever.
What I *really* hate is the knowledge that Doug will be sick in another 7-10 days because of me. That just sucks. It makes my Halo aspect start chanting about how I’m a harbinger of doom and bad breath (or whatever).
At least I only have to get through tomorrow. Then I will have two days of work-free rest.
[ 2 comments ] ( 4 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 3 / 1557 )Sunday, April 2, 2006, 09:57 PM - Random Thoughts
I downloaded my ten "free" music files from RealPlayer. I got a couple Peter Gabriel songs, a few Pink Floyds, and some ABBA. Thistle likes "In Your Eyes" and "Solsbury Hill". The Pink Floyd is more of Ashen's taste, and ABBA is all me!
I ditched my iPod on eBay because it synchronizes so poorly with Real Player. But my PDA connects just fine and has a better user interface. I never did understand the big hoopla about the ipod. they're ugly, expensive, and too proprietary. So now I just plug a 1.0 Gb chip full of music into my PDA. No fuss, no muss.
I never cease to find it fascinating how much Thistle likes certain kinds of music. He is a higher being. Unlike me, Thistle's spirit knows peace and joy. I wish I could shine like he does.
[ 1 comment ] ( 4 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 2.9 / 1515 )Friday, March 31, 2006, 08:38 AM - Random Thoughts
Back when I was in college, I weighed a lean, mean 165 pounds and had a trim 31" waist. Now that I'm middle-aged, I weigh 205 and have a 38" waist. Ugh! But I decided to *do* something about it. I joined a gym.
I've been working out three times per week at the gym (2.25 miles on treadmill and some weight lifting) and I also do a 2-mile brisk walk around the neighborhood 1-2 times per week. I cut out all junk food, and I've been limiting my calories to about 1900 per day. I've been doing this for three months straight.
I don't understand why I haven't lost any weight. Now, I *have* reaped other benefits: my physical endurance has increased a lot (I used to jog at 4 MPH, and now I can do 5.5 MPH), I sleep better at night, and I don't feel fatigued during the day. I don't crave unhealthy foods anymore. My resting pulse rate is 64, down from 76. I've been able to cut my coffee consumption in half. And my clinical depression has definitely been kept in check. Finally, those cluster headaches I get every other year that lasts 30-45 days only lasted 6 days this time around. So this is quite an accomplishment.
I just don't understand why I can't get any *slimmer* when it's pretty obvious that my health is improving in so many other ways. I wonder what I'm doing wrong? It's not the end of the world, but it is somewhat frustrating.
[ 1 comment ] ( 5 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 3 / 1461 )Back Next
