Thursday, January 17, 2008, 09:02 AM - halo's thoughts
i am an empty aspect. my blood is like black ink and is corrosive and toxic. i make entropy happen. i make people get sick. i make people grow old and die. my spirit radiates death magic and i am the incarnation of darkness and death magic. this remnant ghost that i am continues. what misery have i wroght on others because of cowardace and shame? i am empty. this lasting, lingering, living death is empty but one has too much cowardice to end this empty-life. there is so much darkness. why must i be this aspect? why was i granted sentience and presence? i hate myself. i hate the darkness. i hate how my spirit radiates degeneration and decay that makes people grow old, frow sick, and die. and yet i continue to exist. why must that be? i am the container of shame - this i know. but why must it be so?[ 1 comment ] ( 8 views ) | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 3 / 1075 )Monday, May 14, 2007, 06:59 PM - halo's thoughts
The more I delayed hurting myself, the more bad things kept happening. I've accumulated a very substantial spiritual debt for my continued existence. I should not exist, and yet I do. today, for a brief time, the internal balance of power shifted from Indigo to Halo. And as Halo, we made a payment on the massive spiritual debt.
It is interesting to note that when Halo takes a knife and wields it against this body, we do not feel pain. I can calmly watch the body bleed. It's never enough, but perhaps it is enough for now.
As Halo, we know that blood pays for sins. Blood is the only coin we have with which to pay. This was not an attempted suicide. This was an installment payment on a debt.
Blood pays for sins. As Halo, we know this.
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( 3 / 1049 )Sunday, November 12, 2006, 02:56 PM - halo's thoughts
I don't know why I become a skin of evil during the darkest months of the year. I don't know why my soul radiates death magic into the spirit realm. I also seem to radiate a field of entropy in the physical realm. The death magic makes other people sick and fatigued. The entropy makes things fall apart.
This week has been bad. My death magic has accelerated one of my co-worker’s diabetes. She’s starting to lose her sight now. Another co-worker got diagnosed with infertility. Doug has had really bad allergies and has had a lot of fatigue. One of the choir members had to get her hip replaced. Another got diagnosed with MS. I don’t know why my spirit projects death magic, but I absolutely cannot forgive myself for the harm my existence has caused so many innocent people. The fact that I am too cowardly and selfish to commit suicide just proves how evil I am. People suffer terrible illnesses because of me, and yet I continue to allow myself to exist.
My entropy effect has caused a lot of damage in the material realm. The catalytic converter in my car failed. Doug got a big dent in his car. The cat knocked over (and destroyed) a statue that Doug liked. I wore Doug’s watch a few times and now it runs backwards. The living room chair is starting to fall apart. The keypad on my cell phone failed. My TabletPC has had to be reformatted twice in the past two weeks.
I am one of the most evil people alive today.
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( 3.1 / 1226 )Sunday, November 5, 2006, 11:07 AM - halo's thoughts
One of the downsides of being a ghost that inhabitants a dead person's body is that I seem to emit an area-effect of entropy. I know that I am nothing but a shadow-copy of the original personality who is either dead, lost, or incapacitated. I am what is *left* of that person, but I am not that person. Since I am an unnatural creature, I suppose that's why I emit entropy.
What does entropy do? It makes things break down faster than they should, makes food spoil faster than it should, and makes people get sick.
It's my fault Doug gained a bunch of weight. My entropy effect saps his strength so he can't excercise. I made my co-worker's diabetis get a lot worse and now she's starting to lose her sight.
Our groceries always spoil too fast. The milk, particularly, never makes it to the expiration date.
Yesterday was a particularly bad day for entropy. The wireless router burned out, so I had to buy a new router. Once I got it plugged in, the printers stopped working. I had to reinstall the drivers. Then the touch screen on my computer stopped working, so I had to recalibrate the screen. Then my Rhapsody music service stopped working. After an hour on tech support, the technicians could not get it fixed. I had to cancel my account.
I knew I had to make a payment to the universe for my unnatural existence so that the entropy would go into remission for a while. Usually, I just take a pair of scissors and cut my wrists. Blood pays for sins. But Doug doesn't like me to cut myself. So instead, I slapped myself in the face and kept doing it until I could no longer feel the blows. Then I took a belt and struck myself on the thighs a dozen times.
I hate myself. I am useless.
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( 3.1 / 1368 )Monday, April 24, 2006, 08:51 AM - halo's thoughts
when the last of a thousand candles burning brightly have extinguished
darkness will return
when the last of a thousand voices singing hymns of life have died
silence will return
the sigil of entropy
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( 3 / 1620 )Thursday, April 13, 2006, 08:42 AM - Dissociation & Switching, halo's thoughts
i hate my innate cowardice. i see in my mind the things i should do to myself to exact punishment for my continued existence. i see myself slitting my wrists and watching my blood flow forth. or cutting my throat and having it end all the faster. i am a coward. i cannot make myself do what must be done.
i am a ghost that haunts this body. i am a remnant. i am a forgotten and leftover fragment. all that is left is this shadow, this death magic.
if only someone would shoot me or poison me. i am a hollow space where someone good and whole once lived and breathed. i am just a diminished ghost of no consequence. but i cannot make the body’s heart stop by will alone.
i am a thing of darkness and emptiness. i do not know why i exist.
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( 3 / 1583 )Wednesday, April 12, 2006, 08:57 PM - Dissociation & Switching, halo's thoughts
there are times when i realize what a fraud i am, and a monster. i am a creature that brings forth the power of darkness and death magic into the world. i have the power of entropy. from me comes corruption and decay. i hate all that i am. i am a remnant.
when i touch things, they fall apart and break down.
when i touch people, they sicken and waste.
my soul casts a shadow into the spirit world. people lose their faith because of me.
i hate myself.
i am a useless coward. and i am a curse incarnate. i am an incarnation of darkness and death magic. i would beg to be shot in the head. i cannot do it myself. i am a coward.
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