itty bitty computer 
Thursday, December 11, 2008, 09:32 PM - Cool Stuff
indigo incarnates

It looks like the tale of technological woe is finally at an end! My dreaded Vista computer bit the dust two weeks ago and I had ordered a Dell as a replacement. However, the month of December is a bad time of year to order a computer on the internet. In this case, the computer is delayed indefinately due to "unforseen supply constraints". SI cancelled the order and went over to the dreaded Best Buy (where I shop as an absolute last resort).

There is a new breed of laptop called a "netbook". For a whopping $379, I got a little 10" computer that runs an Intel Celeron and WinXP. It's a neat little machine that weighs just 2 pounds. :)

So... I'm back in business!


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The seemingly never-ending darkness 
Tuesday, December 9, 2008, 06:16 AM
Indigo Incarnates

I hate this time of year. I just can't get any sunlight. It's pitch black when I get up. It's charcoal grey when I drive to work. My office is in a windowless dungeon that used to be a bomb shelter. The sun has already set by the time I get off work. I just can't get any sunlight. But changelings need sunlight. We aren't like regular humans who apparently don't notice not getting sunlight for months at a time every winter.

I am so exhausted all the time. I actually wake up a lot more tired than when I go to bed. I can't get much sleep anyway, despite the fact that I'm bereft of energy.

It's so stupid how daylight saving time works in this country. The standard time gets jerked around artificially twice each year for no apparent reason. But the adjustment in winter has the undesirable effect of moving sunset to 4:30pm in the afternoon -- which is how it's possibly for me to have gone a full month without sunlight.

It's just so horrible. I'm just so tired all the time. I need to have sunlight.

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Weekend Stuff 
Sunday, December 7, 2008, 10:04 PM
Indigo Incarnates

I got my replacement wireless modem this weekend so I'm a little more connected. I resurrected an older Tablet PC that I had in a drawer for a year. Put the two together and VOILA! I'm back online with an actual computer. Now that the older computer is running 100% it's going to make an awesome Christmas gift for a very special friend. But for now, the tiny tablet is still mine while I'm waiting for my new laptop to arrive. Yay!

It's just about soul-freezing weather. It snowed last night, which was cool, Too bad it didn't stick. Snow is always so pretty and it's generally rare in Baltimore.

I did a super-workout this afternoon. I did 6.1 miles and 1000 calories. That was pretty cool. It's a little harder to have energy at this time of year since there is so hard to get sunlight. But I made myself exercise and it was a good thing to do.

I did an awesome housekeeping job yesterday too -- without being compelled to do so by Ashen. Sometimes when the house gets too messy Ashen sort of gets morally outraged by the chaos and pushes me to clean the place up. But yesterday I did it on my own initiative. Whoooo-Hoo! :)

Tomorrow is Community Supervision day at work. That's when the Case Agents verify that the junkie-bums live where they say they live. There's always the tiny chance of getting shanked -- but it!s a pretty tiny chance indeed. Still, it does keep things interesting!

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Fun Friday 
Friday, December 5, 2008, 08:34 PM
Indigo Incarnates

The Governor has sort of a legalized-bribery thing going with the employees. For the low-low-low price of $2, we get to have casual fridays instead of wearing slacks and ties and all that rot. The money goes to the Maryland Charity Campaign. So I pay my $2 every time it's an option since I like blue jeans and jogging shoes much better :)

I got a warrant issued for a non-compliant offender. So now he gets to cool his heels until someone coughs up $2,500 for bail. Yay.

Doug, Jeff, and I got to eat at our favorite hangout: El Salto's. It has good food and it's cheap, so I can dig that combination. They also have goof flan.

I did a short prayer ritual too. The thing that always is so amazing about Wicca is thatI feel loved when I pray to the Goddess.

I also heard from my brother. He thibks mom's deterioration has stabilized somewhat, and that mom has the drive to prove her doctors wrong by living much longer than they estimate. It's nice to hear that sheKs got some fight left. Attitude is everything when in the grip of a truly terrible illness.

So, all in all, it was a pretty good day. It's been a while since I've had one, heh heh, so I'm feelibg pretty appreciative! :)

Blessed be

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Dark 
Thursday, December 4, 2008, 06:14 PM
Halo Incarnates

Dark time now. Am not afraid of long nights. Just dark. Not afraid. Will not be afraid. An not afraid of the dark nights. Too much dark makes body tired. Don't know why. Would like to not be tired. Tired of being tired. Am really tired.

Am tired. Skin becomes numb. Can feel with just fingers. Skin becomes numb. So little energy. Hard to sleep. Can't sleep much. Am so tired. Hard to have energy.

Wanted to cut. Didn't cut. Sometimes get afraid to cut. Think it would be hard to stop. So have not cut. Am so tired. Am so very tired. Am really tired. Am tired.

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Back in business! 
Thursday, December 4, 2008, 09:05 AM
Indigo Incarnates

Well... My blackberry got delivered last night, so I can do some blogging finally. My computer bit the dust the day after the Blackberry died, so it's really sucked not being able to access the internet. But at least with a Blackberry phone I can visit my favorite blogs again. Huzzah!

Oh... And I was able to delete the spam that got posted over the weekend as well. Yay!

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sad thoughts 
Tuesday, December 2, 2008, 11:46 AM
halo Incarnates

worried. don't want to be left behind. don't want everything taken away. angry desert god likes to take everything away. has hurt us before. afraid friends will go away. things get bad and people go away. don't want to be alone. don't want to be left behind. think our darkness makes people go away. am sad. soon things will get bad. then angry desert god will hurt us. then everyone leaves. hate being left behind. am sad. am tired. hard to sleep. mind races. so tired. hard to sleep. will always wake up. then can't sleep. am so tired. body has little energy. hand is weak. sometimes strength is low. old injury. wouldn't heal right. makes weakness happen. not always. just sometimes. hand is weak today.

feel like we did something wrong. computer died. don't know why. think we make charged energy. makes machines stop. don't know why.

still worried. don't want to be left behind. don't want to be left alone when the bad time comes. was hard last time. was hard to be left behind. hurt. am sad.

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The Changeling Effect 
Monday, December 1, 2008, 09:39 PM
Indigo Incarnates

Y'know... I get really tired of electronic gadgets going belly-up when I use them. My laptop managed to last a whopping two days after the weekend's reformat/reinstall procedure that took 14 hours. I brought it to work this morning and the screen started spewing out random-pixel gibberish. And I tried everything to revive it-- even another reformat/reinstall (which, curiously enough, only took 2 hours the second time around). If I had to take a guess, I'd say the nVidia GPU bit the dust. Since it's a laptop we're takling about, that means the GPU is hardwired onto the motherboard, which means that the computer is toast.

I should have known better than to have bought something too high-tech. I've had cheaper laptops that lasted longer.

So, I ordered a basic laptop for $594 (I added Bluetooth and Soundblaster Audigy, but otherwise left it pretty basic). My last two $600 laptops lasted 3-4 years each, while the $1,100 laptop lasted just 4 months beyond the 1-year warranty. :(

It's been a bad weekend for technology. I don't know why it is that electronic gadgets sort of self-destruct whenever I get in a highly emotional state. But I certainly can't deny that it happens.

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Vista Saga III 
Sunday, November 30, 2008, 10:48 AM - Dumb Happenings
Indigo Incarnates

If you're ever wondering how long it takes to do a complete reformat/reinstall of Vista after an unrecoverable system failure, I can now tell you. The answer is FOURTEEN HOURS. That's right, boys and girls: it took fourteen hours of automated machination between the time I put the Recovery disc in the drive and the time that I was able to select an adminiatrator password. Wow. On Windows 2000 or Windows XP, I could reasonably do a reformat/reinstall in 90 minutes or so. The Vista recovery process literally ran all night and finally finished up when I was drinking my first cup of coffee the next morning.

It's bad enough that the operating system crashed my Blackberry this weekend, but with the Windows OS failing later that same day, I no longer have my contacts and email backed up for that device. that means i'm going to have to manually repopulate the replacement phone by hand when it arrives next week. What a friggin' drag.

Fourteen hours for a system recovery. I just find that unacceptable.

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Best Intentions Blow Up In My Face 
Saturday, November 29, 2008, 09:36 AM - Church Stuff
Indigo Incarnates

Well, you all might remember how proud I was that I transformed my Wicca group's rudimentary Yahoo Groups page into a website, right? My intention in doing so really was benign. I don't have much in the way of money to donate to my religious practice, nor am I a particularly experienced or powerful Wiccan practitioner. But I am good at making basic non-commercial web sites. I also wanted to register the domain name before it was grabbed up by somebody else. I thought it was going to be nice if everyone in the group had a domain email instead of a cobbled-together collection of Yahoo and Hotmail accounts. My intent was for something really positive for the group.

It's just a shame that it wasn't recieved that way.

Basically, my efforts were recieves as an attempted usurpation of leadership authority. My efforts were viewed with shock and distress. I was told to never, ever do it again. I'm basically persona non-gratis at my group for a while. I guess I'll know in a few months if they want me back. I asked the priestess if she would be willing to put it up for a vote in a few months if I can be welcomed back. I guess I'll know what she thinks if/when she responds to my email.

So, I took down the website last night.

I had wanted positive things to come from my effots. But, as usual, every time I try to do something good, it blows up in my face. I really am a loser.

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