Thursday, July 31, 2008, 06:54 AM
Indigo Incarnates
I drove my bicycle to work three days this week. I'm thinking that I can realistically do this 2-3 days per week indefinately, but that doing it five days per week would be a bit of a stretch. Basically, on the way there it's about 80% downhill. The trouble is it's 80% uphil on the way back! Lemme tell ya: driving a bike uphill for three miles straight is pretty tough. I'm feeling stiff enough this morning that I just can't do it!
Of course, I'm used to using a treadmill for exercise, so I suppose bicycling uses different muscle groups. Maybe I'll build more stamina over time. The idea of polluting less, honoring the Goddess through concrete actions, and thumbing my nose at Bush / Big Oil has great appeal to me.
I also noticed that SUV owners get really pathological about bicyclists. They tend to thing it's funny to pull up right behind me and honk the horn. They also seem to enjoy passing me at twice the speed limit while giving me less than six inches of clearance. I realy think that people who feel they need to drive 500-HP vehicles that weigh 6,500 pounds should really consider getting therapy for whatever psychological problem their choice of vehicle compensates for.
So... the bike experiment is at least a partial success. huzzah!
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Speaking of experiments... I had a job interview today for a promotion to Case Agent. Basically, if I can get the promotion, it's another $6,000 per year. I also would get to have th (dis)pleasure of surprising the junkie-bums at home (Case Agents do home visits to make sure the bums live where they say they live). Very exciting.
So, 122 people initially applied for the case agent job. As far as I can tell, however, the Powers That Be only liked eight applicants enough to interview. I was one of the eight. Alas, one applicant has a masters degree while another is a gamma shift supervisor at one of the jails. So I feel a little outgunned. On the bright side, I have been an Investigator for 2.5 years, so I sort of know part of the Case Agent job already. I also interview reasonably well and express myself in writing VERY well.
There was an essay section. Heh heh. I think I did extremely well on that part.
So... given that glaciers move faster than government, I figure I'll know if I got the promotion sometime before Yule, har har. Wish me luck!!
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( 2.9 / 1122 )Monday, July 28, 2008, 05:38 PM
Indigo Incarnates
I'm sure I'm not the only one to blog about this, but my patience has worn down to the point that I just have to vent. Here's what I am feeling: Vista is about as fun as an ingrown toenail.
I have a new laptop that I bought earlier this year. It's got a 2.0 GHz DuoCore processor, 2.0 Gb RAM, and a hugh hard drive. So why does it run about the same speed as my old machine that had only 512 Mb RAM and had a Celeron 900 MHz processor? Why? Because the old computer had WinXP and the new one has Vista.
Vista takes about 5 minutes to reboot when something goes wrong -- and "something" is basically "all the time".
When I have multiple instances of Explorer open, it seems like one of the windows won't close. So I end up using task manager to manually terminate the application.
A process called DNS Host crashes all the time. When that process bites the dust, it disables my wireless internet card.
It's not very backward compatible. My favorite video game of all time, Sacred, won't run on it. Real Player *barely* runs on it. Rhapsody *barely* runs on it.
Why does it have to black out the screen, make a bloop noise, refresh and then the screen in grey scalem, just to ask "Are you sure you want to [whtever it is I want to do]?" Then once I hit yes or no, it bloops again, the screen goes black, and then the screen refreshes in color. this takes almost 10 seconds. It's really, really annoying!
Why does the comvista take nearly as long to shur down as it does to start up?
Why does Vista take nearly as long to recover from hibernation as it does just to do a cold restart?
Why does Sleep mode take as long to come out of as Hibernation mode did in Windows XP?
I think my next laptop is going to run Mac OS.
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( 2.9 / 942 )Sunday, July 27, 2008, 01:28 PM
Indigo Incarnates
I did my test run for driving my bicycle to work. It takes 25 minutes to get there by pedal power. That's actually only 5 minutes longer than driving directly, but 15 minutes shorter than carpooling. It's also going to be about $100 month cheaper when gasoline and 1/3 of a parking pass are excluded.
I have two other motivations as well. One: my two co-workers with whome I had been carpooling think I'm white trash because I live in a blue-collar neighborhood and drive an older beat-up car and can't afford super-expensive things. But then, they have husbands that both make six-figure incomes. If they didn't, they'd be driving an old car and living in a blue collar neighborhood just like I do because they do the SAME JOB as me. What a crock.
My other motivation is that as a Wiccan I should be willing to do what I can to protect the environment and maintain the health of my physical body. Both are sacred to the Goddess. So this sort of accomplishes a bit of both. Yay.
So... as long as it's not raining, I think the bike method is a go. :)
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( 3.1 / 923 )Saturday, July 26, 2008, 07:07 AM
Indigo Incarnates
Doug and I are on the bus to NYC to see a show on Broadway. Yay! We're seeing "A Catered Affair", which is a musical about planning a wedding in the 1950s (and will probably draw more gays than straights, har har). There are a few restaraunts and cafes we always go to also. I totally dig The Iguana and they have a good "Broadway Special" for dinner that isn't too expensive.
I was also happy to learn yesterday that a friend who had to have surgery a few days ago got the surgery finished successfully. She had a few pollyps in her digestive tract but they were non-cancerous. I am really glad for her that she is going to be okay. She's a kind person who walks the path of the Goddess.
I decided that I'm going to start taking my bicycle to work next week instead of driving a car. Basically: parking is prohibitively expensive; I hate the people I've been carpooling with; gasoline prices are out of control; it's very Wiccan to get to work under one's own power. So... it'll save me about $10/week in gasoline, $60/month for my share of the parking fee, and (priceless) a big chunk of sanity.
Why don't I like my two coworkers? They both have rich husbands who make so much money that the women don't really need to work. But these two shrews always gripe about how "tough" the job is while at the same time gloating about getting some $300 purse or a $5,000 television. One of two had the nerve to tell me that the reason she's happy about living in a gated community is that it keeps "trash" like Doug and I out.
Well... it just goes to show ya: money can buy you things, but it can't buy you class. It's okay, though, since I woudn't want her as a neighbor either, har har.
So... that's what's going on. Yay!
__________________________________
We're on the bus ride home. The trip to NYC was awesome!
We stopped by the FAO Swartz toy store since it had Willow-appeal. After all, what little child doesn't like stuffed animals? Willow got to hug some really big, really soft, really squishy stuffed critters. It was great!
Then we did an hour walk in Central Park. Thistle got to fly and Willow got to see some pretty trees and flowers. I got to see a pretty lake and a really cool arched stone bridge. Neat-o!
We got lunch at my favorite restaraunt: The Iguana. I love Mexican food and thi place makes very good entres and also has food vegetarians can eat.
Doug and I saw "A Catered Affair". It was a heck of a lot darker than we had anticipated. It was a lot less about the young soon-to-be-married couple than it was about the unresolved marital issues of the young woman's parents. It starred Tom Wopat, Faith Prince, and Tom Wopat. It's too bad that the General Lee car was nowhere to be seen!
All in all, it was a pretty good day. and we even stayed within our budget!
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( 2.9 / 1031 )Friday, July 25, 2008, 06:04 AM
Indigo Incarnates
As of today, my life-force has occupied this body for 26 years. It's not a birthday, since the body was born in December (and 38 years ago). 'ut when I first came into being, I never thought I would live this long. I am really glad that I have! So, "birthday" isn't the exact right word, but today is something a whole lot like one, Yay!!
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( 3 / 1034 )Wednesday, July 23, 2008, 09:05 AM
Indigo Incarnates
My back is okay again. Yay! Oddly enough, when Halo incarnates the body, it somehow causes the body to heal at a very rapid pace. I find it interesting that Halo has gone from being an entity that hurts the body to being one that helps the body. This is a good thing. After all, I'm a 25-year-old life-force animating a 38-year-old body, so I try to keep the physical conditioning in some semblance of being 25.
I got my raise for finishing my midcycle review in "Exceeds Standards" status. So I will now get $10/month more (after tax!) Of course, the currency has hyperinflated so much under Bushonomics that I'd really need a $400/month raise to have the same purchasing power I did three years ago. But I am very happy for the raise.
I saw the movie Soylent Green and it got me to thinking that the scenario in that movie could probably take place by 2025 (when the movie takes place) if we keep getting far-right billionaire-friendly compassionate conservatives for another 8-12 years or so. Basically, in the movie there were a select few incredibly wealthy people and the rest of the population lived in unimaginable poverty. Moreover, food prices had hyperinflated so high that a pint of strawberries cost $225. Of course, the Feds subsidized nutrition wafers for the masses so that people got fed just enough to keep from starving to death (but not one calorie more). Of course, malnourished, underfed people can't riot effectively, and that's how the government likes it. Of course, the fod wafers turned out to be recycled human flesh mixed in with a plankton substrate. Nice.
On a more cheerful note, I did a prayer ritual last night. It's always nice praying to the Goddess because I feel loved when I pray. Unlike YHVH, the Goddess is proud and joyful that the natural world exists. YHVH only likes to destroy and punish. The Goddess in immanent (meaning that She is manifest in many aspects of life), whereas YHVH is transendant (meaning that He is distant, detached, and judges from afar). I choose to dedicate my life to a loving, kind, and nurturing deity rather than one that seeks only to punish and condemn. I am happy that I have discovered the Wiccan path.
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Halo Incarnates
is dark out not. vast storm. sky flashes. is pretty. am not afraid of storms. sky is pretty when dark and filled with swirling clouds. am not afraid. rain is soft. thunder rumbles. love the mother goddess. is good to have storms and rain and wind.
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( 3 / 1066 )Monday, July 21, 2008, 05:50 PM
Indigo Incarnates
Well... I am not feeling too well today. I accidently did something to my back yesterday evening that made it really sore. So having a moderate amount of pain was enough to keep me from getting much sleep (I did sleep, but in useless 30-40 minute chunks, and I kept waking up in pain).
Sometimes being tired makes me dissociate, sometimes it simply makes me feel depressed. Today was just a "simply feeling depressed" kind of day. I did my job okay but without any kind of real satisfaction. I was desperately fatigued. It's not the kind of tiredness that makes me in danger of falling asleep, but rather the grey fatigue that makes it seem to hurt just to be alive.
I hate it when my body isn't functioning correctly. I am a changeling life-force occupying a human body and I have high expectations out of it, har har. So today was bad. My back hurt, my ankle hurt, I felt dizzy, I had tremors (damned psych meds), and I was feeling depressed and tired. Blech.
Well, I survived the work day. I processed a junkie bum who didn't see anything wrong with driving around in a car stocked up with guns and dope, of course, he was unemployed since 2003 and had no plans for finding work, har har.
I don't think I'm going to stay up late. I am super-tired. I hope I feel better tomorrow.
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( 3 / 1185 )Sunday, July 20, 2008, 04:52 PM
Indigo Incarnates
This weekend was pretty cool. I had my roleplaying game on Friday. The players went up against a desperado called the Death Dealer. The guy had a deck of cards that dealt mondo damage each round each time a card was turned. Very cool.
I had my superworkout on Saturday and burned 957 calories. A Rita's snowball stand opened in our neighborhood too. That was a nice surprise. I also had Wicca class. That was pretty nice. We studied some candle magic and learned more about the Wiccan holidays. My instructor said she was able to sense Thistle's presence (he was in the background during class yesterday).
Today, I did a 2 mile walk outdoors. thistle got to fly. Willow got to see lots of pretty trees and flowers. It was nice. I hit the gym for a while. I couldn't do the whole workout since I sometimes get peripheral weakness due to an old injury. Oh well. I did 4 miles before i had to stop.
So, overall, it was a nice weekend. :)
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( 3 / 1274 )Saturday, July 19, 2008, 12:26 PM
Indigo Incarnates
I've learned a lot about various religions during the past few years. My experience in law enforcement has also given me insight into what kinds of behavior people of various faiths find acceptable. So... Here's my comparison/contrast between Wicca, Christianity, Fundamentalist Christianity, and Wicca:
MURDER AND ACTS OF VIOLENCE
-- Wicca: Since life is sacred and a gift from the Goddess, murder is not permitted. The Wiccan Rede also prohibits purposefully inflicting harm on another being.
-- Christianity: Life is sacred and a gift from God and murder is considered a grievous sin. Jesus' "Golden Rule" commands Christians to treat others as they would like to be treated.
-- Fundamentalist Christianity: Murder is generally considered bad, although Christians often feel justified in killing homosexuals and witches.Fundamentalist Christians tend to murder their own children in spectacular ways. Violence against strangers is not usually tolerated, but Fundamentalist Christians are surprisingly tolerant of domestic violence and child abuse.
-- Islam: A suicide / mass-murder combination is considered the "passport to paradise". Violence against "Infidels" is celebrated. Domestic violence is celebrated.
ECOLOGY
-- Wicca: The earth is a sacred thing and is a physical manifestation of the Goddess (although the Goddess is also more than that). Because life is sacred and the earth is sacred, the environment should be protected and enhanced.
-- Christianity: Humans are given stewardship over the earth and are thus earth's caretakers.
-- Fundamentalist Christianity: It's okay to devastate the environment since Jesus will fix everything when He returns.
-- Islam: This religion cares absolutely nothing for the environment.
ALCOHOL AND DRUGS
-- Wicca: Because the body is sacred, it is bad to damage it with drugs or through excess consumption of alcohol.
-- Christianity: Technically it is not a sin to use illegal drugs, but few Christians do because that practice often leads to actions that are sins (such as theft, assault, etc.)
-- Fundamentalist Christianity: Drugs are bad, but it's fine to get drunk every weekend and beat your wife/kids/dog/etc.
-- Islam: Alcohol is bad, but it's just fine to snort cocaine, shoot heroin, and then mow down Jews with a suicide bomb.
CHARITY
-- Wicca: Many Wiccans give to pro-environmental charities or to those that seek social justice.
-- Christianity: Many Christians give to charities that feed the poor/hungry or promote education.
-- Fundamentalist Christianity: They consider the GOP and NRA to be charities.
-- Islam: They consider Hamas and Al Queda to be charities.
WORK ETHIC
-- Wicca: It's good to have a balance between work and play.
-- Christianity: Work is needed because it allows for the family unit to function. But the workplace should be safe, productive, and pay enough for raising a family.
-- Fundamentalist Christianity: It's ok for child labor to take place in China so we can get cheap goods at Walmart. It's ok for child labor when it comes to American agriculture, so long as the kids working 14 hours a day are Mexicans. CEOs are blessed by God, as evidence of their financial success.
-- Islam: It is permissible to be on welfare, since that frees up time for drug dealing and committing random acts of violence.
FAMILY VALUES
-- Wicca: Children are a gift from the Goddess and should be cherished. Marriage is generally optional but can be dissolved if one partner is unfaithful or violent.
-- Christianity: Children are a gift from God and should be cherished. Marriage is sacred and is generally maintained except un cases of infidelity and/or domestic violence.
-- Fundamentalist Christianity: Children should be taught to fear their parents. It is okay to beat or physically/emotionally abuse children. Some fundamentalists drown their children in lakes or bath tubs. Marriage is until death of a partner. Married women are supposed to tolerate infidelity and/or abuse at the hands of their husbands because it is their "cross to bear".
-- Islam: It is a sacred act to turn children into suicide bombs that blow up dozens of people at once. Alternatively, some Islamic men tend to father illegitimate children all over town and take little interest in their upbringing. Women are considered breeding stock and must tolerate all manner of violence at the hands of their husbands, even unto death.
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( 3 / 1357 )Friday, July 18, 2008, 11:57 AM
Indigo Incarnates
So... it was about three years abo that our body weight 221 pounds and it totally disgusted us. We started getting back into shape for a couple of reasons: I wanted to get my physical body more in sync with my changeling self-image; Ashen had wanted to be a cop and that required passing a really challenging physical endurance test. Three years later, we now weigh 179, for a total weight loss of 42 pounds in just under three years.
The trouble is, even when I lose weight, it feels like my weight loss was not good enough. When I weighed 221, I wanted to weigh 200. When I weighed 200, I wanted to weigh 185. When I weighed 185 I wanted to weigh 180. So, now I keep thinking of 165 as my next target weight. I know intellectually that 165 is too thin for my body frame and height. But emotionally, I always feel fat. I hate eating. I do try to skip meals when I can, but I find that difficult because my metabolism is so fast (that's because a changeling life-force animates this human body). On the other hand, I exercise a lot (again, my fast metabolism allows me to accomplish some pretty impressive physical feats.)
I do intellctually know where my fear of obesity comes from. The father-monster always called us fat. He called us a "disgusting pig" even when we had nearly starved to death. How a 12-year-old child weighing 69 pounds can be called "fat", I don't know. But that was the situation when I incarnated the body in 1982. I could see all my ribs through my skin. And somehow I was "fat".
The funny thing about the sentient mind is that it subconsciously believes what it is told if the message is repeated often enough. So i have this drive to be ever thinner. I know I'm not fat. I know I don't need to lose weight. Yet, I feel the need to lose another 15 pounds somehow.
The father earned his title of "monster"
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