Tuesday, January 9, 2007, 07:11 PM
I had a very depressing dream last night that the government had developed an illegal biological weapon that was released (either accidentally or on purpose) into the general populace. Those infected by the disease became psychotic and violent. They would turn on loved ones and tear them to pieces. The disease could be transmitted through a bite or a scratch. Thus anyone injured by the infected would also become infected.
If there was a cure, the government did not release it.
Those infected eventually died -- usually after three or four days of wreaking havok.
I remember the end-stage of the burnout of civilization. I was on the tenth floor of a ruined skyscraper when the last of the raging lunatics came for me. I held them off with the chair leg from a stool. But the two attackers were basically worn out by the time they found me. They made a few half-hearted attempts to bite me and then collapsed to the ground.
I looked outside through a window. Huge swaths of the city had simply burned. The sky was dark with suspended ash and soot. It was midday but it was dark as dusk. Plumes of smoke from a few remaining fires still drifted aimlessly into the sky. But there were no cars moving in the street and the only visible people were withered, unmoving corpses.
It occured to me that there must be other survivors, but I had no idea of where to even begin to look.
The electricity had failed. And even though the end of civilization had just happened, I was amazed at how old and worn-out everything looked. It was like the city had been abandoned for thirty years. Perhaps the city had a soul and that soul had departed, leaving a dry, pale, brittle skeleton of itself behind.
I remember looking through the wreckage. But I didn't really know what I was looking for. I think I wanted to find clothes that weren't falling apart. My own clothes had suddenly become thin and threadbare. By the time I woke up, everything in the city was just a forgotten, tattered ruin.
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( 3.1 / 1154 )Sunday, January 7, 2007, 01:37 PM
My partner's sister is probably the most worthless individual I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. She is one of the few people I've met that has ZERO redeeming features. She actually has not one single virtue! Try as I might, I cannot think of a single good thing to say about her -- not one. It's absolutely amazing!
I just find it hard to believe that Doug and this monster are related by blood. They really don't have anything in common.
Doug is kind, tolerant, funny, hard working, interesting, knowledgeable, creative, adaptable, kind, giving, happy, sober (with respect to drugs and alcohol), empathic, and occaisionally spiritual.
Doug's useless sister is greedy, spiteful, foul-mouthed, hateful, unforgiving, prejudiced, bigoted, lazy, spendthrift, self-centered, godless, untruthful, untrustworthy, violent, materialistic, uncreative, humorless, and generally unpleasant.
Doug's sister is also a cocaine addict who refuses to get any sort of drug counseling or detox. She snorted her way through $20,000 in under three months (from an inheritence.) She endangers Doug's mother by sending drug dealers to the house to collect on her drug debts. She's bled her mother dry, financially.
Doug's sister relies on the lamest excuses for not working. She says she has dislexia and depression, and says she "can"t work" because of these disabilities. She's not so disabled that she can't blow a few hundred dollars a day on cocaine.
I have ZERO sympathy for her. I know firsthand that these disabilities can be overcome. I, too, have dislexia and depression. I also have a dissociative disorder. But I go to work EVERY DAY. In fact, I've only missed four days of work in sixteen years, and have been unemployed a total of 72 hours in those same sixteen years.
I cannot abide by his sister's presence. She knows that she and I have the same disabilities but I've done things in my life and she's been nothing but a useless leech. She's cursed at me, made fun of me, called me "f***ing faggot", and has even struck me a few times. After the last time she hit me (three years ago) I have refused to visit Doug's family because I don't want to be attacked by her.
I wish her drug dealer would kill her or, failing that, I wish she would overdose. She's a useless, soulless, spiritually bankrupt piece of human debris.
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( 3 / 1076 )Saturday, January 6, 2007, 12:38 PM
It just cracks me up that Bush and the Red State Christians simply deny that global warming is happening. The Bush cadre sees no reason to make cars more efficient, replace coal-fired power plants with emmission-free nuclear generators, or to renew the hybrid purchase credit. Any attempt to enact even the most basic of conservation programs is delared "alarmist" and perpetrated by "left wing anti-American, anti-Christian, environmentalist whackos".
Right.
Today, in Baltimore, it is so warm that I had to turn the heat off, open all the windows, and wear shorts. It feels like may. It's actually January 6th. I also read online that the polar ice shield has shrunk by 20% in just 10 years! That means we could see the end of the polar ice caps in our lifetimes. I can't even begin to imagine the environmental catastrophe that will cause.
As far as the Red State Christians declaring that conservation is somehow pagan or anti-Christian, let me point out that God *created* this planet, and I doubt He would like to see it destroyed simply so a handful of corporate execs can die rich.
I put my money where my mouth is. I replaced my oil furnace with a high efficiency gas fornace, I drive a hybrid, and every bulb in my house is a CF tube. I turn off unused equipment. I buy recycled items whenever it is an option. I resell functioning (but no longer needed) items instead of just throwing them out. I wear my clothes until they have holes. It doesn't take a LOT of sacrifice to make a positive difference.
But the Bush folk and the Red State Christians act as if it's their *divine right* to ruin the planet. Bush is probably one of those Bible freaks who think Jesus is coming back in the next 15-20 years.
News flash: Jesus was *not* a rich, white, Republican. He was a lower middle-class, Socialist Jew. He didn't care who people loved, only that they DID love. He cared a great deal about how the rich mistreated the poor. He said that the stingy rich, not homosexuals, were the ones who would have trouble getting into heaven.
So what could make a difference in the near term?
-- Eliminate the Guzzler Credit, which gives rich yuppies a $25,000 bonus for buying a Hummer H2 or a Cadillac Escalade (both of which get a robust 13 MPG).
-- Stop wasting federal grants on Fuel Cell Vehicles (those oh-so-trendy concept cars that cost over a million dollars each to produce and can only be refueled with compressed hydrogen). Take the grant money and invest in better battery chemistry for hybrids and electric cars.
-- Take the federal oil company subsidies and give it to alternate energy companies (such as BP Solar).
-- Tax guzzlers that get under 25 MPG ($200 per year per MPG under 25.)
-- Restore the hybrid tax credit (due to phase out this summer)
-- Replace coal power plants as rapidly as possible with nuclear power plants. Nuclear energy is nearly 100% efficient, emits no greenhouse gasses, and only have to be refueled every thirty years.
-- Offer a federal tax credit to allow poor and middle-class home owners to replace outdated oil furnaces with electrical or gas units.
-- Offer consumption bonuses for citizens who use *less* than the average per-capita of electricity and natural gas.
Personally, I don't want to have to face summers that reach 140 degrees, or breathe air full of carcinogens. It's too bad Red State Christians are allowed to vote, since they elect brain-dead, corrupt leaders like Bush.
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( 3 / 1096 )Friday, January 5, 2007, 04:10 PM
I had an odd dream in which I took a wrong turn and ended up in an alternate reality. I was driving on 695 and a rude/stupid SUV driver ran me off the road, forcing me onto an exit I had not planned on taking. The exit ramp somehow curved *underneath* this reality an emerged somewhere that was similar to, yet fundamentally different from, the usual Baltimore reality.
I immediately knew my surroundings were different. All the colors were muted and everything seemed greyer and stark. There was an overall feeling of deterioration as I drove into Baltimore. It seemed like a more oppressive, more hostile environment.
My job had changed, too. While I still worked for the Department of Corrections, the agency known as Pretrial Release Services did not exist. Instead, I and my coworkers were employed in a division charged with beating the crap out of drug dealers.
Apparently, in this reality, when someone died of a drug overdose, they would invariably rise up as foul Undead zombies that sold illegal drugs to the living. Since the zombies were nearly impossible to kill (since they were, technically) already dead, the Department of Corrections had a cadre of employees that beat the zombies up until they were at least temporarily incapacitated. It sucked knowing that we couldn't really destroy these monsters.
It struck me as somehow desolate that these Undead drug dealers practically ruled the streets, and that members of the Living were stupid enough to start taking drugs (even though they knew it would kill their souls eventually).
My first fight with an Undead drug dealer basically sucked. My co-worker (Joanne) and I hopped out of a State van with bludgeons and beat a zombie until it was nothing but a quivering pile of perpetually rotting flesh. I sustained a bruised rib during the fight.
Later, at the doctor's office, my physician asked why I would choose to do such a dangerous job. It just seemed like it was what I was destined to do.
I was glad to awaken. I would not want to live in that reality.
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( 3 / 1110 )Wednesday, January 3, 2007, 08:36 PM - Random Thoughts
It’s been a drag this week. Doug is visiting his family this week, as he usually does after Christmas, so it’s just me and the two cats this week. Gigi is lounging on a cushion to my left while Scrunchie is perched on the arm of the couch. The cats are just too cute.
At least I’m not too depressed this year. Still, it will be nice to have Doug back next week.
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( 3 / 1114 )Monday, January 1, 2007, 10:17 PM - Random Thoughts
Stolen from Larrytronic's Blog!
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1. The phone rings. Who are you hoping it is? Doug (my Partner), Ed (a close friend), or mom.
2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? Always. Lazy people REALLY bug me.
3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener? A little of both. It depends on how much the other person talks.
4. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive? No. I’d get lost and then freeze to death while walking around in big circles.
5. Do you like to ride horses? I haven’t had much experience. They seem like nice animals.
6. Did you ever go to camp as a kid? A Christian summer camp in PA. I only went one summer, when I was 8. Just ghastly.
7. What was your favorite board game as a kid? Monopoly.
8. If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was taken what would you do? I don’t purposefully hurt people, so I would not pursue.
9. Are you judgmental? Yes. I loathe cheaters and deceivers. I hate laziness.
10. Would you date someone with different religious beliefs? It depends on the other religion.
11. Are you continuing your education? I’d like to, but I don’t have the $$.
12. Do you know how to shoot a gun? Yes. I own a Browning Buckmark .22 pistol.
13. If your house was on fire, what’s the first thing you’d grab? My USB hard drive.
14. How often do you read books? Probably 20-30 books/year. I also have one novel in print and am 155,000 words into writing a second book.
15. Do you think more about the past, present or future? Some of my past is sealed off to me. Most of what I do remember is unpleasant. So I think about having a good present and a better future.
16. What is your favorite children’s book? I enjoyed many of the Redwall books. Mice as heroic figures… too cool.
18. How tall are you? Five foot ten inches.
19. Where is your ideal house located? I don’t know.
20. Last person you talked to? My partner.
22. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden? Probably in November. It’s always SO CROWDED!
23. What are your keys on your key chains for? My car, partner’s car, our house, back door, desk drawer, locks to my old company that went out of business, five or so keys that I have no idea what they go to.
24. What did you do last night? Watched the Clint Eastwood marathon with mom.
25. Where is your current pain at? Got a bit of a headache thanks to an allergy.
26. Do you like mustard? All Kinds! I love mustard, tolerate ketchup, and loathe mayo.
27. Do you like your mom or dad? I like mom. My dad was an abuser who enjoyed hurting me. We don’t talk.
28. How long does it take you in the shower? Monday-Friday: 10 minutes. Saturday-Sunday: Until the hot water runs out.
29. What movie do you want to see right now? I’m reading a Star Trek novel while watching Miss Marple.
30. Do you put lotion on your dog or cats? Where? They are all so furry!
31. What did you do for New Year’s? I watched the Clint Eastwood marathon with mom/
32. Do you think The Grudge was scary? I never saw it.
33. Do you own a camera phone? Yup! A SonyEricsson W810i.
34. What’s the last letter of your middle name? None of my Alters have middle names. The body’s legal middle name ends in “R”.
35. Who did you vote for on American Idol? I've never watched an episode!
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( 3 / 1177 )Monday, January 1, 2007, 12:46 PM
The visit with my family was really nice. I found out that my brother is getting his first apartment next week, and he's holding down his first job pretty well. Too cool. Mom and I watched a Clint Eastwood marathon yesterday. Gotta love spaghetti westerns. Now I am driving back and it's so foggy that I'm expecting undead pirates any moment.
Is it a bad idea to blog while driving? ha ha ha ha!
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( 3 / 1142 )Monday, January 1, 2007, 12:39 PM
On the drive up to visit my brother and mom on dec-30, it was something of a perfect day. it was mostly sunny, cool, and bright. These are days that causes Thistle to be more active. Since he is an angelic being, he somehow draws energy from sunlight and wind. He radiates such pure joy. I am always so happy to commune with him. I wish I had as much peace as he does. Angels understand love.[ add comment ] | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |
( 3 / 991 )Friday, December 29, 2006, 06:09 PM
Today is my birthday. But I usually have a hard time getting excited over that fact. Basically, the physical body is indeed one year older. But the actual "birth date" for the Indigo personna is up for debate.
I am basically a ghost that animates this body. The original intelligence that was born into this form died a long time ago. I'm just the closest aproximation to that original person. But like it or not, I'm basically a copy, not the real McCoy.
Who cares about how old this body is? It really doesn't matter. It just reminds me what a fraud I am, and reminds me that I'm basically not real.
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( 3 / 1065 )Thursday, December 28, 2006, 07:31 PM
It's been a pretty good year healthwise. I was kinda pudgy last December and I was unhappy with my weight and physical conditioning. So I changed a few things for the better. I started exercising and I started eating healthier foods. I almost always eat leafy salads for lunch and I cut out almost all snack food and fried food.
The results? Check it out:
Dec 2005 Dec 2006
Weight (lbs.) 221 185
Resting HR 76 62
Max Run 10 minutes 60 minutes
Running Speed 4.5 MPH 6.2 MPH
Fastest 5km (could not do) 27m10s
Max walk/jog 2.5 miles 8.2 miles
Pants size 38 34
Booze per month 8-10 drinks 3-5 drinks
Overall, I think it's been pretty successful. I wanted to get down to 175 pounds, but I can live with 185. A 36 pound weight loss in one year is nothing to sneeze at!
Of course, my willpower mostly comes from Ashen. My physique isn't like his yet, but it's better than the middle-aged flub I was 12 months ago! Fortunately, I did not start smoking, either.
Maybe at the end of next year I'll be at 175 pounds. Ideally, I'd like to sustain a 6.5 MPH run as well. It's good to have goals. I also want to live to be 165 years old.
A man can dream!
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