Vacation Plans 
Wednesday, June 18, 2008, 08:11 PM - Cool Stuff
Indigo Incarnates

I got approved for some vacation time in early July, so I will get to visit my friend Doris in South Carolina. Yay! Since my non-working lazy coworker was absent two days straight, I got my vacation slip posted before she could (she usually takes that week off). So when she comes in tomorrow and finds the vacation slot taken, I get to say "toooooo baaaaad", hee hee hee! I'd feel bad about it, but I've been picking up her slack for two years straight. Doris is a totally awesome friend. She has REALLY helped Halo stabilize over the past four months too. It'll be really nice seeing her, her husband, and her family.

Work wasn't as bad today as yesterday. I still got stuck with training new employees because the Training Coordinator mostly came around at the beginning of the day and barked out "Here's your trainees. Train them!" Her pay grade is about ten levels higher than mine, but I have no idea what she actually DOES; neither does anyone else. I think the problem she has is that she doesn't actually know what an intake investigator does, therefore she can't train the new recruits. Why she occupies that position, I couldn't say.

I was pleasantly surprised that one of the trainees had a couple questions about Wiccan ethics. So I explained that "sin" doesn't really exist in Wicca, but instead practitioners are to instead avoid harming others. Fundamentalist Christians always cite how sin-free they are while finding legalistic ways to do harm to others. Likewise, there are certain "sins" that don't really hurt anybody. In Wicca, the morality is a bit more clear-cut. If it hurts someone, don't do it; if it doesn't hurt someone, it's okay to do it. Wiccans care about the environment because the Earth is a gift from the God and Goddess and is also infused with Divine energy. Christians view the Earth as something disposable; they think once they finish raping/stripping the Earth, Jesus will miraculously show up and lift all the Christians straight to heaven. Egads. So... the trainee thought that was pretty interesting.

It was pretty cool after work. A storm rolled through Baltimore briefly. Thistle flew threw it and he really liked it. The sky was so full of potential energy. It made my skin tingle as Thistle flew. It was wonderful. Thistle was happy. :)

I'm visiting my mom this weekend. She's interested in Wicca too, so we're going to do a Litha Sabbat (Midsummer Solstice) prayer ritual while I'm visiting. Oh... since PA doesn't charge tax on clothes, I'm going to pick up some new threads as well. Yay!

So... Today was a pretty good day. :)


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Nice Visit 
Sunday, June 1, 2008, 11:17 AM - Cool Stuff
Indigo Incarnates

I have to say that is has been a really nice experience having my friend Doris visit these past few days. It really makes me wish she lived closer than 500 miles away. Her family is really blessed to have her as the mom :)

She's visiting another friend in New York today and will be back tomorrow night and then will be headed home on Tuesday morning. The cool thing is that Doug will get to meet Doris tomorrow evening. That will be great.

Doug has been away for a week visting his family (I can never go because his sister has been [and would probably be again] physically violent towards me). But he's coming home tonight. Yay! We can get veggy burgers and garlic fries at Golden West when he gets home. Kewl!

It's hard for a dissociative to have "real life" friendships. At least it's been hard for me since I get the Christian judgement routine a lot (ie. the whole "you're gay, therefore you're evil", the "you're mentally ill, therefore you don't have enough faith", or "I don't understand your diagnosis, therefore it must be from Satan".) But it has been really great that Doris and I have developed a strong friendship and that she accepts the WHOLE system.

The refreshing thing is having a "real life" friend for whom I do not have to project the masquerade. I can be just Indigo -- a 25-year-old changeling. I don't have to project my approximation of a 38-year-old human. If Halo, Thistle, or Willow incarnates, that's been okay too. I wish more people could be as accapting as her. So few are.

So... It's been a really nice weekend. :)

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A Friend In Town! 
Thursday, May 29, 2008, 10:19 PM - Cool Stuff
Indigo Incarnates

Yay! My friend Doris from South Carolina is here! It is SO COOL having her up visiting! We got el-cheapo pasta at the new restaurant in my neighborhood, then we did some shopping, got ice cream at Coldstone Creamry, an watched "For a Few Dollars More". It was a pretty nice day.

It's too bad doug isn't here. He would really like Doris. She's such a nice friend. She didn't think the house was too bad either. I'm glad. :) She likes the goofy Baltimore architecture (my house is 11' wide and 40' long and 3 stories high).

Tomorrow we're going to the Baltimore Aquarium downtown at the Inner Harbor. It will be pretty cool. I haven't been there in years, so I'm hoping the giant manta ray is still there.

Work today was a different story. Wow! Usually I get run-of-the-mill petty crooks at Pretrial. But I had some actual murderers today to process for release. Egads! It's very disheartening to see that cold-blooded murder only gets someone 7 years in jail these days. Another defendant had been arrested on a new attempted 1st degree murder over a Blackberry phone. Yeeesh.

I had one defendant say about his work history, "I tried workin' back in 1991. I didn't like it." He hadn't worked ever before or since. Nice.

But I have tomorrow off. Yay! So Doris and I can hang out the whole day, see the aquarium, and tour the Inner Harbor. That should be really cool! :)

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9th Year 
Saturday, May 17, 2008, 12:41 PM - Cool Stuff
Doug and I celebrated our NINTH year together last night! Yay! So we've basically outlasted a lot of straight marriages we've heard of. Too bad the California decision doesn't help us in Maryland. Well, Doug's anniversary gift was a 2008 Scion xD. Yeah... it's hard to beat a CAR as a gift, hee hee! :) I also got him a little box of Godiva chocolates last night. We went to a new restaurant too. It's an odd Mexican/Indian combination. We were hoping it was going to be a Mexican/Indian fusion, but what it had was Indian on one side and Mexican on the other side of the restaurant and you basically decided which side you wanted to eat on. So we did Indian since they're good for getting lots of vegetarian choices. The food was really good!

I'm also happy to say that it was finally sunny again this morning. So I did a two mile walk in sunlight and Thistle got to fly. It's nice having energy again. It's nice to not feel trapped in my body. I was also able to do a prayer meditation for the first time in a while. I wish I could put into words just how fulfilling it is to actually feel LOVED when I commune with the Mother Goddess. It was so wonderful and warm that it actually made me cry a little (which is rare for me -- or any abuse survivor for that matter). I wish I had been courageous enough to follow the Wiccan path years ago, since I could have been spiritually fulfilled a long time ago instead of just recently. But things happen for a reason and maybe I just wasn't ready for it until this year. Either way, I am so happy to be loved by deity.

I will never go back to worshiping the angry and cruel desert god that runs the Christian church. Jesus is great and I love Jesus, but I just no longer see any spiritual connection between the compassion, love, and hope that Jesus inspires and the condemnation, hate, and genocide that the angry desert god has inflicted on his own people time and time again throughout history. Jesus would have been a great Wiccan, since he knew how to love, knew how to forgive, and always wanted to heal those who were ill in body, mind, or spirit.

Oh... I found out something else interesting. My mom is apparently not fully human either. We were talking this morning and she decided to tell me something I already knew, but that she didn't know I already knew. She told me that I'm not really human because SHE'S not really human. So I asked her what she was, and she said she has "fey"? lineage. So when I asked her to describe what a fey is, it turns out that her definition of a fey happens to be my exact definition of a changeling, which also happens to be the exact definition of an "indigo child". At least I come by my non-humanity honestly.

Mom is also an abuse survivor. What is it about surviving abuse that also transforms the person from human into something else?

So...That's been my past two days. It's been a decent two days. Yay!

---------
Update: I also did an 11 mile bike ride, so we basically got two full hours of high-quality sunlight. We're doing much better. :)

Tonight is RPG night, and the players will have to sneak into the Talma cult compound and steal the Cybernomicon before the evil war priests can start creating hybrid zombie/robot footsoldiers! Ha ha ha ha!!!

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A Nice Saturday 
Saturday, April 5, 2008, 04:37 PM - Cool Stuff
So far, I've been having really good luck with Saturdays lately. Today was pretty good too. I didn't have nightmares last night (a rarity for abuse survivors; and I don't think a dream about being in a car wreck quite rates as a nightmare, heh heh). So I felt pretty good when I got up.

Doug and I went to First Watch for breakfast (big shock there -- we've been going there every Saturday morning since they first opened their doors! But we're not PREDICTABLE!!!) They had a new waitress that kept eyeing my pentacle and I knew she wanted to ask if I was a Wiccan or a Satanist. She didn't ask. If she had, I could have told her "Wiccan", which is or course as far removed from Satanism as it gets.

Oh... I'm almost at the two-month mark for being a vegetarian. Yay!

The weather was sunny for a change, which meant Thistle could fly. I did a two mile walk outdoors and Thistle flew in the bright, warm sunlight. It felt good to draw energy from the sun. For the first time this week, I don't feel fatigued. I am glad. Thistle shines in the sunlight.It's also nice to see the trees awakening and beginning to grow new leaves. Some of the trees have white and pink blossoms. And there are a lot of people in our neighborhood that have planted all kinds of flowers in their front yards. It's nice being able to feel the return of life. It's nice being a changeling since I can sense life. :)

After the walk, I moved my music collection from my dead computer to my laptop. I was smart enough to make a backup of my music files to an external hard drive just before the desktop computer bit the dust. So now I can get my iPod updated too. Yay.

I did a 5 mile workout at the gym too. That was fun. I burned about 985 calories! I try to take good care of this body. I enjoy this incarnation quite a bit, so I plan on making this body last a long time.

I did my taxes today. I'm getting $479 back. Yay! that means I can actually get my (extremely past due)gas/electric bill paid down before they shut off the service. Whoo-hooo!!

The only sour notes on the day is that my mom is sick again, and some religious fundamentalist disparaged my spirituality. Mom doesn't have the best pulmonary system. She's had chronic bronchitis most of her life and she smokes. Yes, that's a bad habit. No, she won't stop smoking. She she gets sick... a lot. It's stressful. She also doesn't take good care of herself when she's ill either. The religious fundamentalist is someone I can easily dismiss. He talks in King James English and sent me a link to some fundamentalist website called "Lies of Wicca" or some nonsense like that. Yeah... I'm sure that site has fair and balanced reporting on Wicca, ha ha ha!

But I have faith that mom will get better. And I will pray on her behalf.

Now we're watching a British mystery. Yay! Gotta love those British murder series. Folk get bumped off in such classy ways, heh heh.

So... things went pretty well today :)

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Thirty Day Milestone! 
Sunday, March 16, 2008, 10:00 PM - Cool Stuff
Today marks some pretty good things that have been going on for 30 days (or a few days longer).

-- I haven't performed any retaliatory acts of road rage.
-- I haven't told any beggars to "get jobs".
-- I've been a vegetarian for a full month.
-- I've been studying Wicca for a full month.
-- Halo hasn't inflicted injury on our shared body in a month.

So... things are looking pretty positive :)

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Fun Saturday Stuff! 
Saturday, March 15, 2008, 12:44 PM - Cool Stuff
Man! I've been having really good luck with Saturdays lately. I've been really blessed.

The day started off the right way in that I actually got a good night's sleep that restored a lot of my physical energy. I feel pretty good. It also means I can go to the gym later on in the afternoon. Yay.

I got some plumbing repaired this morning, and the job was done quickly and inexpensively. A really nice guy named Dean has done repair work for Doug and me for years and he's licensed, does good work, and doesn't rip us off. What a find! It's nice being able to step into the bathroom and not hear the sound of water being wasted for no good reason. I'm guessing our next water bill will be a heck of a lot lower too! Huzzah!!

I drove down to the Turning Wheel bookstore to pick up some Wiccan items. Basically, Wiccans often use a ritual knife or wand when creating magic circles. So I was hoping I'd find something that sort of "called out" to me. Well... I lucked out again. I felt drawn to an odd_looking clear crystal rod. Using crystal instead of wood is probably a bit unconventional... but I'm kinda unconventional, hee hee! I wanted to pick up a pentacle, but I was a bit low on dough. but I can get it on Wednesday when I get paid.

Oh! And the bookstore offers a free workshop on Wicca for Beginners! Yay! I can go next Saturday! :)

I'm running errands now and doing the foolhardy practice of writing a blog entry whille driving a car. Isn't it great that dissociatives can so easily multitask? Ha ha ha!

And I can tell that it will be only a few more weeks until it's warm enough to start bicycling again. Yay!

all in all, I'm feeling pretty happy today.

And I didn't even wreck my car writing this!

============================================================

Update:

I made it home in one piece. Yay! :)

I recieved my therapist referral today. More yay!

It was sunny and warm, so I let Willow go outside. It was really good for him to see plants, trees, flowers, sunlight, and blue sky. He was very, very happy!

This is a pretty nice day. Life is good!

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Another Perfect Saturday! :) 
Saturday, March 1, 2008, 04:01 PM - Cool Stuff
Well... when perfect days come around, I'm never one to waste them. Doug and I both had the same day off, so that was a real treat. My day started off really peacefully. I had the experience where my mind sort of woke up and my body was still asleep. I tend to call this "standby mode". It's very relaxing and time seems to pass incredibly slowly. It feels regenerative and healing. Over the course of an hour, my body slowly woke up and I felt really refreshed and balanced.

Doug and I went to First Watch for breakfast. It's our favorite Saturday morning thing. They have totally awesome pancakes and french toast. I used to get their ultra-crunchy bacon before I became a veggy, but their scrambled eggs are pretty good. And their bottomless coffee was pretty good.

The wounds that Halo inflicted on our shared body are healing pretty well. There's no infection and we didn't need stitches. The injuries are definately going to scar, but that's okay. There's plenty of scars on the shared body already, so a few more won't make a difference. Halo was aware for a few minutes (deeply, far away). I didn't waste this opportunity. Thistle and I told him as well as we could that we aren't mad at him and we do love him, and that soon things will get better and he'll be safe.

Since the weather was just about perfect (sunny, windy, not too cold), I did a 2.5 mile walk outdoors. Thistle flew and he was able to recover from losing all of his energy in the battle with Halo on Wednesday night. I wish I could relate in words how wonderful it is when Thistle flies. He shines in the sunlight and he seemed to be able to fly really high today. It was just so wonderful! :) He was happy and I felt incandescent. Angels need sunlight, humans need food, changelings need a bit of both. So we are both fulfilled and my changeling spirit rejoices. Thistle was thinking of a friend who has been kind to us and willed some excess sunlight her way. :)

So... after goofing off on Second Life for a while, I went to the gym and did my Saturday super-workout. If I include the outdoor walk, I did a total of 8.6 miles and 1,200 calories. It's great having an obediant body. Nice!!!

I did my Wiccan visualization/drawing/grounding exercises before the sun set. Yay! It's good to feel groounded and re-centered.

Next stop was dinner at Mango Grove. It's a totally awesome all-vegetatian Indian food restaraunt that's not too expensive either. I ordered my dinner "as hot as you can make it", which is a dangerous thing to do in an Indian restaraunt, heh heh. But I love spicy food and I flet like I could exhale fire by the time dinner was done, hee hee hee! This is day 18 of being a vegetarian. the body grumbles here and there, but my changeling spirit is happy for the change. Yay! Fun fun fun!

Days like this are sacred. I didn't waste it. Blessed Be. :)

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40 Pounds! 
Friday, February 22, 2008, 12:54 PM - Cool Stuff
Back in the bad old days, I used to have this really stressful job as a district manager for a cell phone company. I pretty much drove 30,000 miles per year, had horrible hours, 50-55 hour work weeks, and super-high stress. The long and short of it is that by the time I quit that job, this physical body was not only drained beyond understanding, but also weighed 221 pounds -- and that's not a healthy weight. A fat changeling is not a pretty sight. Aiieee!!

Well, once I got the job I currently have, my stress level dropped by about 2/3, my workweek went to 40-45 hours per week, and I have pretty normal hours. So I got into excercise and improved my diet. Over a 2-year period, I lost 37 pounds. For the past four months, I've been unable to lose those last three pounds I wanted to lose -- until I stopped eating meat, that is.

Ten days of being meat-free allowed me to shave off that last bit of weight I wanted to lose. So now, I weigh the same as I did 15 years ago. YAY!!!

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Other Fun Stuff 
Monday, February 18, 2008, 05:56 PM - Cool Stuff
I had Presidents' Day off so I got a chance to do some fun stuff today. I never waste days off that have good weather. :)

I did another full-sunlight 1.5 mile walk (1.5 mile flight for Thistle). We just feel so energized! :) It was unseasonably warm, too, so I didn't need a jacket, which means that more of my skin got direct sunlight. Changelings need sunlight, and I got it! Yay! I think Thistle and I have about as much energy as this mere human body can contain :)

I had so much energy that I did a whole bunch of chores (which REALLY pleased Doug -- my ever-loving partner!)

Then I got my bicycle cleaned up and went out biking for half an hour. It started raining on the way back, but it wasn't a cold rain, so it didn't bother me.

I finished writing chapter 52 of my novel ("I, Construct"), and I dedicated the chapter to my friend Jewell. In this chapter, the pirate-hunter ship Gaelic Knot ends up battling against a bloodthirsty pirate ship Rusty Rudder. The Knot gets heavily damaged, but does send the Rusty straight to Davey Jones' Locker, heh heh. Oh... and I just did a word count: it's got a shade over 232,000 words! Yay! Here's the link (and it's kinda a big file!): http://www.gaianar.com/Downloads/IC/I%20Construct%20-%20Complete/I%20Construct%20-%20Complete.mht


Oh... and it's day-6 of being meat-free. In 24 more days I can call myself a vegetarian. Cool!

So... All in all it was a good day :)

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