Friday, October 10, 2008, 08:18 AM - Random Thoughts
Indigo Incarnates
Egads! The "dark" time of year is pretty much at hand. It's pitch black when I get up in the morning and the sun is just crossing the horizon by the time I get to work. My energy level goes way down and I'm a lot more prone to depression when I can't get enough sunlight. Changelings need sunlight. It's going to really be distressing when the clocks change for daylight savings time (an antiquated practice that I wish would be abandoned). The practice of adjusting the clocks by an hour has the effect of making it be dark at 5:00pm. Once that happens, I basically won't see the sun again until spring since my office has no windows, I arrive for work pretty early, and I get off at 4:30pm. By the time I get home, it will be dark. I'm really not looking forward to that. I've survived it every other year and I'm sure this year won't be any different. But that doesn't mean I like it.
My mom's health continues to deteriorate. She's down to 90 pounds. I feel really sad for her, since she spent almost 40 years having an alcohol problem and being a heavy smoker. About two years ago she went to detox and quit alcohol and got her smoking down to about a pack per week. The damage was done, however. And then Uncle Jimmy did a bunch of unsafe home improvements that had the net effect of being the straw that broke the camel's back. All the dust and mold from his cheap/shoddy demolition/reconstruction pushed mom's lung condition from "dangerous" to "terminal". So mom won't get to enjoy sobriety very long. I really feel sad about this because I love her very much. It always seems that rich psychopaths get whatever they want, whenever they want it, and never have to face repercussions for what they have done. I wish that Uncle Jimmy would have to pay for what he's done, but he never will. He follows YHVH, and the angry desert god rewards the strong, the rich, and the cruel.
I start getting my own cases on Tuesday. I am glad that my office is away from the rest of the Case Agents here. I won't get easily sucked into the office politics or the tangled web of gossip and drama. I think most of my coworkers are kinda phoney anyway. After all, not one single person will own up to making an anonymous complaint about my Tree of Life, but one of them must have for me to so quickly have been ordered to take it down. I'm not going to make a retaliatory complaint, since the various Christian sloganeering in their offices don't actually offend me and I don't spend much time in their offices. But it does bother me that I am the subject of a double standard and that someone finds Wicca "offensive". Well, there has never been a "holy" war instigated by Wiccans, and no Wiccan has ever burned a Christian at the stake. so whose faith is "offensive"?
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( 3 / 1400 )Tuesday, July 1, 2008, 04:06 PM - Random Thoughts
Indigo Incarnates
In this case, I should write "Attack of the Killer Bs", as in B-movies, har har. I've been watching some of the new Netflix "Instant View" films that got uploaded to their server and -- wow -- did they digitize some real dogs! Fortunately, I'm a big fan of cheesy movies. Looking for some "Killer B's"? Look no further!
Dreamland: A young couple should have had their used car purchase checked out on CarFAX first, since they would have known that the major problem with the vehicle was that it was possessed by Adolph Hitler! Yes indeed, the 2-ton V8 gas guzzler was not powered by Premium Unleaded, but rather the Furhur. So the car tries to run the couple over when they get out to check the oil. Then they get chased into the desert where they run into Creepy Glowing Eye Girl and Creepy Undead Soldier Dude. Why? Who knows? But if your car's radio ever gets stuck playing the Nazi National Anthem, it might be time to junk it before it's too late.
Dark Moon Rising: In the redneck town of Louisville (KY? Not sure, they didn't say), strange things are afoot at the car rental agency. A zombie businessman shuffles into the office and bites some of the customers, turning them into zombies too! Who can save they day? The gay, vegetarian car clerk, of course! Wielding a baseball bat and a belt-fed machine gun, our heroic homosexual teams up with Butch Lesbian Chick (wielding a machete and a shotgun) to rid the town of the walking dead. Oh, the zombies also don't like air freshener or Lysol. And they keep tripping over discarded luggage again and again. When one of the zombies tears apart some dude's rental car, our brave hero declares, "I guess you should have opted for that $4.99/day comprehensive insurance, eh?"
Dead and Deader: A soldier gets bit by a radioactive spider in Cambodia and turns into a half-zombie, while the rest of his unit turns into full-fledged flesh-eating Undead. With his trusty sidekick (the cook, who isn't Undead), they hack and slash their way to gory glory! How does someone become a "half-zombie"? Why was he sorta-spared while his companions became crazed flesh-eaters? And why was there some creepy scientist who thought he could somehow turn zombification into the fountain of youth? Who knows? I always figured that being "a little bit zombie" was like being a "little bit" pregnant, ha ha ha. At the end of the movie, amidst the smoking, reeking carnage, our hero states, "Being dead really makes me appreciate life!" Ha ha ha!
Today wasn't too bad at work either. I got a burglar arrested on an open warrant. I didn't get stuck training trainees. the useless Training Coordinator didn't nag me about anything. My Wiccan ceremonial robe came today and is over at the post office for me to pick up. Yay! Just in time for visiting my friend Doris tomorrow. She has two Wiccan kids, so we'll have something in common already!
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( 2.8 / 1425 )Tuesday, June 17, 2008, 09:33 PM - Random Thoughts
Indigo Incarnates
I won't call it a "bad" day, since nothing really bad happened. I will say it wasn't the luckiest day I ever had, however. I got stuck with training three new trainees at work on a really busy day. We have a Training Coordinator who seems to do basically nothing, since the Investigation unit always ends up doing all of the new-hire training. The Coordinator mostly sits in her office and/or comes out and barks orders. That's pretty much what she did today. Yowza.
I lost energy for a little while today, but Halo was able to incarnate for half an hour. That time was enough for me to regain enough energy to incarnate the rest of my duty shift. One of my coworkers is psychic and she can see when other people incarnate, so she noticed Halo. Fortunately, it doesn't seem like anyone else did.
So... I totally hate my T-Mobile phone but I can't upgrade until December. I have a spare Cingular phone that I like, but they won't give me the subsidy unlock code. To add insult to injury, they made me wait a WEEK to tell me they wouldn't do it. Yes, they cited a one-week waiting period for the code. At the end of the week, I called back and the person said that my request had been refused. And they wonder why AT&T/Cingular scored rock bottom for customer service?
My "Bush Bribery Check" came and I put it in the bank (btw... the $600 isn't going to make me vote Republican -- now or ever), so I wanted to get a new stereo for my 2001 Accord. Alas, Circuit City can't adapt a new stereo to a really old car. ::blech:: I wanted an iPod dock for the car. I guess that's not going to happen. Well, I'm planning on buying a hybrid in 2011 anyway. Heck with it.
On the bright side, I DID get to have a nice dinner with my beloved partner, Doug. And it's looking like I might be able to visit my friend Doris for a few days next month. Oh, and I've been given a "Blog With A Purpose" award by San. Yay!!!
So, it's not ALL bad luck today :)
And hey, the great thing about Wicca is that we don't have YHVH slamming our heads against rocks for His own amusement. In Wicca, sometimes "shit happens", heh heh.
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( 3 / 1162 )Tuesday, May 27, 2008, 05:26 PM - Random Thoughts
Indigo Incarnates
It was really busy at work today. Of course, since the courthouse was closed yesterday for the Memorial Day holiday, we had twice as many junkie bums awaiting pretrial release processing. Egads! Can't the thugs stop committing crimes when we're off-duty?!
One of the "clients" was a realy winner. He was collecting disability income but he didn't know what his disability was. When questioned, he replied, "Dey is gimmie a check each mumph!" Yeah. If you can't cite why you're getting SSDI, you *shouldn't* be getting it Of course, he mostly spends his income on lottery tickets and marijuana. He mooches off him mom full-time. ::sigh:: If you're wondering why Social Security is in trouble, it's because there are too many people collecting from it who have never paid into it.
The other busy part of my life for the past few days has been trying to get the house cleaned up for when my friend from South Carolina arrives. As much as I love Doug, he doesn't really help out with housework very much at all. And I'm not very efficient at housekeeping. Doug doesn't care if the house is messy; I *do* care, but I have a great deal of difficulty staying focused long enough to o it. Long story short: our house is always a disaster My friend is coming. I've cleaned for three days and the house is still messy. Egads. I'm worried that she's going to freak out. I hope she doesn't.
Well... that's it for now!
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( 3 / 1095 )Tuesday, May 6, 2008, 06:21 AM - Random Thoughts
Indigo Incarnates
Halo used his diabetic lancelet to cut yesterday and drew only a single drop of blood. That worked for him. That compromise worked, since he gets to have his release and yet the body is not put at risk. This is a good thing. I don't know why inflicting self-injury makes this system feel better afterwards, but it does. At least now there's no chance of accidently causing serious injury. I can't even see the pinprick this morning.
I had a friend cancel out on going to Six Flags when my friend found out we were going only with each other and not with a group. I am such a freak.It was unfair to ask in the first place. Who in their right mid would want to spend quality time with a mentally ill, self-injurious dissociative, homosexual witch? I don't have many friends, and none of them feel safe around me one-on-one. I'm a broken, damaged, shell of a person. It's no wonder I'm shunned.I hate myself too.
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( 2.5 / 1232 )Saturday, May 3, 2008, 06:09 PM - Random Thoughts
Last night was pretty cool. I ran my roleplaying game with Doug and two other friends. It was a lot of fun. It was basically part two of the "Firefly Sanctuary" dungeon. The brave adventurers had to face a giant, man-sized skelletal hand that punched and slapped them all over the place. Then they fought two Undead captains who led mutually-opposing armies of the dead against each other in a semingly eternal conflict. Then they solved the mystery of a jilted bride who had the power to unleash hell's fury at any untruthful man. They eventually found the Firefly Sanctuary and were able to refill the decanters from which healing potions are made.
My night was not too good. I had a terrible nightmare that involved me getting burned to death. It was ghastly. I never want to experience that again. It's not the only time I've been killed in a dream, but the ones that involve being burned to death are the most horrible.It made me wake up tired -- like I hadn't slept at all. I would have almost rather had insomnia than have that dream.
Saturday was better, however. I took a nice 4.5 mile walk into the NCR trail and did a prayer ritual to the Lord and Lady. I can feel the sumble, gentle power of the magic circle. It's nice to feel the quiet love of the God and Goddess. The only hard part was finding somewhere secluded enough to pray that was still accessible from the main trail. I did find such a place. I think only one person saw me. that was good.
After that, I test-drove a car. Doug was really happy with his test of the Scion xD, so I gave it a spin today too. I got the wee beastie up to 100 MPH with little difficulty. :) Who would have thought? The dealer agent is pretty nice. He's not trying to shove a car down our throats or trying to upsell us into a Lexus. So far so good. Maybe next Saturday Doug will have his new car!
Halo was out for a while, but most of his friends were offline. Oh well. He does seem to be changing for the better. He's more human and less creature than he once was.
So... today's not too bad. :)
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( 3 / 1301 )Friday, April 4, 2008, 08:08 PM - Random Thoughts
Took (borrowed) this from Tigeryogi and Coco this week...
1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? An empty box, three pine cones, and a coffee mug.
2. When was the last time you threw up? About 15 years ago in college – I got food poisoning.
3. What’s your favorite curse word? I don’t really curse much.
4. Name 3 people who made you smile today? Doug, a co-worker, and the clerk at the gym
5. What were you doing at 8 a.m. this morning? I was working on some warrant petitions to put some baddies behind bars.
6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Eating dinner. Yum!
7. Where were you born? I was never “born”. I was incarnated into a pre-existing body.
8. Have you ever been to a strip club? Once – in college. It was overrated.
9. What is the last thing you said aloud? “Do you want the last roll?”
10. What is the best ice cream flavor? Peanut butter
11. What was the last thing you had to drink? Diet Dr Pepper
12. What are you wearing right now? Classified .
13. What was the last thing you ate? Fettucini alfredo, carrots, and rolls
14. Have you bought any new clothes this week? No
15. Where were you last? The gym
16. What’s the last sporting event you watched? I can’t remember… not really a sports fan.
17. Who won? Beats the heck out of me!
18. Who is the last person you sent a comment/message while blogging? Eleania (from Second Life)
19. Ever go camping? Yes
20. Where do you live? Baltimore
21. What song are you listening to? None right now, but I was listening to Jalan Jalan earlier.
22. Do you tan? yes, but I wear a lot of sunscreen. I had two patches of precancerous skin removed a few years ago.
23. Do you drink your soda from a straw? Usually
24. What did your last text message say? “We didn’t cut today”
25. Who’s your best friend? My partner, Doug
26. What are you doing tomorrow? Eating breakfast with Doug at First Watch.
27. Where is your mom right now? Bi idea
28. Look to your right, what do you see? Doug, sitting in a chair, and he’s watching “Murder City”
29. What color is your watch? I don’t wear a watch. My changeling life-energy somehow kills off wristwatches – quickly.
30. What do you think of when you think of where you live? “The city is filled with rats as big as cats, and the streets crawl with junkie bums.”
31. Ever ridden on a roller coaster? yes, and love every moment of it
32. What is your birthstone? I don’t have one.
33. Do you go in at a fast-food place or just hit the drive through? I usually walk in
34. What is your favorite number? 3
35. Do you have a dog? Lola. She is a half Labrador and half Corgie.
36. Last person you talked to on the phone? My friend Ed.
37. Have you met anyone famous? No
38. Any plans today? Nope. I’ve already done everything I need to do today.
39. How many states have you lived in? Florida, Georgia, Maryland, and Pennsylvania
40. Ever go to college? Salisbury State. B.S. Mathematics
41. Where are you right now? Home, sitting on the couch
42. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? Stagnant wages at the same time that taxes and gas prices keep going up.
43. Are you struggling to forgive someone right now? no
44. Are you allergic to anything? Bees.
45. Favorite pair of shoes? My gym shoes
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( 3 / 1500 )Thursday, April 3, 2008, 07:14 PM - Random Thoughts
I'm happy to say that I finally did get some decent quality sleep last night. One of my Wiccan friends worked with me for a while on visualizing and meditation techniques. So I put the lesson to use when it was time to sleep. Lo and behold! I fell asleep quickly and didn't have nightmares. Yay!
It turns out that it was a good thing I got the rest. Work was nuts! We had a huge number of people to process and we had to do a lot of drug testing on defendants already under supervision. I think I did about 30 drug tests. (urine bottles... yuck...)
But hey! I had the energy to do six cases, 30 drug tests, and write five warrant petitions (for the goofballs who didn't play by our rules).
It's too bad the weather changed before we got off work. I was hoping Thistle was going to get a chance to fly again. Unfortunately, it's dark grey, miserably cold, and raining. But I can't complain too much. After all, we need rain, and we need the balance between the light and the dark.
I'm headed out to choir now. Church is always fun since Nancy is such an awesome Choir Master. She pushes the choir really hard, but it's worth it. We reallly do make pretty music when we sing and ring handbells.
I guess my only church anxiety right now is about communion. I wonder how much longer I can, in good conscience, continue to take communion in church as my faith in the Wiccan deity grows. I should talk to the priest and see what he says. I'm just not sure that they ARE seperate entities. Intuitively, it seems to me that there is only one deity but many, MANY ways to worship deity. It's something that mighttake me a while to resolve.
Oh... I'm being bad again... I'm writing this blog whil driving a car. Aaaiieeee!!!!
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update:
Yay! I didn't wreck my car while posting my blog. Yeah... that's a pretty bad habit I've got, heh heh.
Choir was great. Thistle came out for the practice, since he really likes church music and he likes Joan and Nancy a lot. I am glad that he has friends who accept him at face value. :)
Oh... and I'm taking Pink's advice: I'm *not* going to talk to my priest about my Wiccan practices. I don't need any human's stamp of approval in how I choose to worship God/Goddess.
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( 2.9 / 1186 )Wednesday, April 2, 2008, 09:34 PM - Random Thoughts
Well... today was a lot better than Monday and Tuesday.The only down thing that happened was that we had a really terrible nightmare last night. But abuse survivors get bad dreams a lot. The dream involved a nightmare about an evil father who had supernatural powers. He had a small child that he used his powers on. He murdered his child by somehow having writing snakes erupt out of his abdomen. It was horrible and savage.I hate dreams where I feel the emotional drives of the characters. The father was a beacon of hate and the child was a beacon of fear and suffering.
So I woke up feeling completely fatigues -- as if I hadn't slept at all.
But things got better throughout the day. First, it was sunny, so Thistle got to fly. It was wonderful. He flew and was shining in the bright warm sunlight. He has an aura of silver when he draws energy from the sun, and I feel it too. It's a wonderful feeling.
My quasi-lazy coworker did a *little* bit of work today, ha ha. I got lucky on the defendants. I had only trespassing and misdemeanor assault cases today. I didn't have to process any desperados.
Thistle was in the forground for therapy today. He mostly wanted to talk about how it can be that he believes in God, and yet my fundamentalist friends treat him in such an un-Christian way.
I think we'll try to get some rest. :)
Blessed Be
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( 3 / 1320 )Tuesday, April 1, 2008, 10:40 PM - Random Thoughts
It was busy and tiring for Indigo. He has run out of energy and so I must report. He wanted me to write this.
And so I do.
He feels that one of his coworkers is lazy. She calls out sick very often and this increases Indigo's workload when she is not present. Because she was not present today, Indigo's workload was very high. This frustrated him.
Indigo also was injured in a small accident. He slipped and fell, and it resulted in a large scrape and bruise on his elbow. It bled through his shirt. He was not seriously injured, but it colored his perceptions of the day.
The defendants were not disagreeable, hoever, and were generally cooperative. Unlike yesterday, the defendants were people better suited for Pretrial supervision, as they were all charged with midemeanor offenses. That was manageable.
Indigo briefly ran out of energy towards the end of his duty shift. Halo incarnated but he did not harm the body.Halo has become stronger in his resistace of the urge to self-mutilate. Halo wanted to inflict cutting but he resisted. That is good.
We meditated after work and put to rest some of the stress of the day. Meditation helps add stability to our system.
It was sunny for only a few minutes. I could fly for only a few minutes. My energy reserves are low but not yet depleted. Perhaps tomorrow will be sunny and I will be able to fly.
Handbell choir was enjoyable.There is a certain energy created when people of joyous spirit come together to worship God. It is true that few of the choir members worship the same way, but I believe that there is but one deity, and that deity hears all of our prayers and songs.
We are home now. This body is tired and sore. Tomorrow will likely be a better day.
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