Thursday, February 12, 2009, 03:08 PM - Church Stuff
Indigo Incarnates
It was a year and a day ago that I first decided to start learning about Wicca. Tonight is my initiation into the faith. I have to say that learning this path has been incredibly spiritually fulfilling. I never knew until this past year that is was possible to be loved by deity. I had only experienced the angry desert god (YHVH). But I've learned that the Goddess does love us. I'm not a worthless, detestable "sinner"; I'm someone who is loved and is accepted as I am. I'm not an "abomination". I'm a person who was created to be who I am.
I feel loved when I pray.
I've read a lot of books. I've studied in a Wicca class. I'm involved with two worship groups (Turning Circle and Cedar Light). I've even officiated at a worship service. I've written a handful of spells (for healing) and protection). I've empowered a healing amulet that has helped my terminally-ill mother. I crafted my first wand. I've participated in all eight Sabbats. I've learned to appreciate the significance and beauty of all four seasons. I've taken better care of my body. Halo has (for the most part) stopped cutting. I've grown in faith in the Goddess and God, and I've learned that faith, love, and ecology come before pursuit of magic. I've learned that the Threefold Law really does work.
And I've made mistakes throughout the year too. But the Goddess does not threaten eternal damnation or everlasting fire. We are simply commanded to make amends and learn from our mistakes.
An unexpected benefit of developing a communion with the Goddess is that Halo has steadily become less agitated. I think part of the reason is that the Goddess is equally aligned to both light and dark. And darkness is not the same as evil. Halo is dark but not evil. He finds comfort in being accepted as he is.
Of course, Thistle is a Christian (although he has a different view on deity than a fundamentalist might have). And Ashen thinks religion is "hokum" in general. Willow is sort of the little druid, although he doesn't identify as such.
Tonight is my initiation. I'm really happy about this. It's been a good year. I've learned a lot.
Blessed Be.
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( 3 / 1696 )Monday, February 9, 2009, 09:15 PM
Indigo incarnates
I finally was able to get rid of my old Samsung Blast phone that was two years old and had a wonky keypad. So i got an Ericsson for thirty American dollars. The gadget du jour is the built-in GPS navigation. So when I did a power-walk around the neighborhood, I did it with the navigation running. It was cool seeing the phone update while I walked around. Neat!
Doug and I are watching Matlock on DVD tonight. Fun! Now that I work as an agent of the court, it cracks me up the stuff he gets away with in the show that just doesn't happen in real life. Of course, Most of the hearings I've seen involve drugs and not murder. And my defendants usually have public defenders.
It's only three more days until my initiation! Yay!
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( 2.9 / 1834 )Sunday, February 8, 2009, 10:30 AM
Indigo incarnates
Doug and I went to a full moon service last night and that was pretty nice. It seems like Doug does find comfort and spiritual identity in the Wiccan path. My happiness isn't because he wants to be a Wiccan. I'm happy that he has found a way to commune with god in a way that is meaningful to him.
The weather was awesome yesterday. I walked six miles yesterday. It was sunny and not too cold. Thistle got to fly. It's good for him to get sunlight and energy. The sky was so blue and bright. It really does seem like winter will be over soon.
It's handbell sunday today. Amazingly enough, the rev didn't torture us with a 22-minute sermon. For a change, it was ten minutes long and actually well-written and meaningful. Miracles do happen. I wish the rev would let Nick preach more often. He has the spiritual gift for it. The rev does not seem to.
My Wiccan initiation is in just four days. I am really happy. It sort of feels like I will soon be out of the clutches of the angry desert god. Jesus is great. The holy spirit is great. But it appals me how much evil, hate, and death that has been enacted in the name of the church. But there's nothing to not like about Jesus - he was the best witch ever since he used his powers to heal and he fought for social justice. It was the religious right who had him killed.
Ok. . . I'm a Wiccan that likes Jesus. Who said faith was easy?
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( 3 / 1872 )Friday, February 6, 2009, 07:33 PM
halo incarnates
is cold again. house is cold. outside is cold. hate how hands and feet were cold all day. worried about skinny mom. wish she weren't sick. have been tired. want skinny mom to not be sick.
have not cut. have not hurt body in a long time. am not hurting self. not following angry desert god. mother goddess is better. goddess doesn't want blood for payment. angry desert god likes blood payment. goddess does not. that is better. am glad goddess loves us.
am tired.
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( 3 / 1504 )Monday, February 2, 2009, 06:47 PM
Indigo Incarnates
Getting sunlight helps me a lot. I was able to exercise three days in a row. Today, I did 3.6 miles on the elliptical machine (565 Kc). I'm trying really hard to lose the 8 pounds I want to lose. I hate feeling fat. I LOATHE feeling fat. Urrrg. So hopefully I can get back to 180 in 60 days. That's the goal at least.
Oh... Today is Imbolc. I never knew until I started studying Wicca that Imbolc and Groundhog Day was the same day. Go figure.
It's too bad the Imbolc Sabbat isn't until nearly two weeks from now since we only have access to the Unitarian Church on the second Friday of each month. On the bright side, there's a full moon rite over at the book store this weekend. Kewl :)
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( 2.9 / 1804 )Saturday, January 31, 2009, 04:36 PM
Indigo Incarnates
I actually managed to get some sunlight on Friday and Thursday, which means I actually had some energy today. Whoooo-hooo! So I went to the gym and did a hard core workout. Between the treadmill, eliptical, and the stairmaster, I did 12 miles and 2000 calories! Yay!
November and December were hard months since there were only a handfull of sunny days over a 10-week period. I didn't exercise much because my energy reserves were so low that it took all my effort just to go to work and back every day. It sucks that I gained some weight too. Fortunately I only need to lose 8 pounds. I've lost a lot more than that before. It should be easier this time since I no longer drink alcohol or eat meat.
I did have one of my rare non-nightmare dreams. Every once in a while I am able to assume my true form when I dream. This physical body may be human. But *I* am not and I never have been. In the dream, I was as I actually am.
Of course, the dream was pretty inconsequential. I was at a flea market somewhere and the little stands were closing up. There was some biker dude who had a baked goods table and he had a sheepish expression on his face, so I asked him what was on his mind. He replied, "Well, if you're a biker and you like to bake, folks think you're queer!"
I said, "Really? I didn't know that."
I didn't find out if the guy was actually gay.
Suddenly the wind started blowing and I was able to fly. So I did. I can't do it as easily as Thistle can. I can only fly when dreaming and when I'm in my true form. But if was nice to be my *real* self for that brief time.
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( 3 / 1615 )Thursday, January 29, 2009, 10:35 PM
Indigo Incarnates
Doug and I had a fascinating experience yesterday. We went to this other New Age bookstore across town to get some flash paper (since the one where my Wicca instructor teaches at discontinued stocking flash paper). So this other bookstore was pretty neat. It was bright, had all kinds of witchy stuff, and had a coffee bar with WiFi. That part was cool.
What was cracking me up was the bookstore's *other* services. For instance, for $100/hour, you can get negative energy purged. Or for $50 per 15 minutes you can get you FOOT read (as opposed to your palm). Yeah. I'm pretty open-minded about a lot of stuff, but some of these services seem like utter fluff. A foot reading... Oy.
And, man, the friendly people there are experts in the add-on sale, har har. Being an ex-salesman, I recognize the technique. On the bright side, I did get my new quarter candles and a packet of flash paper.
I think I like Aleta and her bookstore better. But I suppose I can put up with the dazzle of the other store here and there so I can get some things that my usual store doesn't carry.
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( 3 / 1263 )Tuesday, January 27, 2009, 06:45 PM - halo's thoughts
halo incarnates
is cold out. am cold. house stays too cold. fingers get stiff. amm not afraid of the dark but don't like cold. am cold. want body to be warm. can't make it happen. house won't heat well. old house. old windows. old everything. hate being cold for so long.
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( 2.9 / 2100 )Sunday, January 25, 2009, 03:42 PM - Random Thoughts
Indigo Incarnates
This weekend was a heck of a lot better than last weekend. Most importantly, my hip finally stopped aching yesterday. It's been warmer the past few days and it's been less damp. So I was able to do a short workout yesterday (2 miles) and a regular workout today (5 miles).
It was sunny today and Thistle was able to fly. I am so glad to have energy again. I know most people don't understand what it's like to have a companion spirit that can travel outside one's body and feed on sunlight. But that's the case. I'm not human either; I just occupy and animate this human body. It's good to have energy again. Winter is always such a difficult season.
The battery in my 2001 Accord is almost dead. I'm hoping that it will last three more days until payday. The cold weather we had last week pretty much finished it off. I suppose it doesn't help much that my drive to work is fairly short so the battery gets utilized for starting the car but the alternator never runs very long on the way to work.
It's only three more weeks until my initiation. I have to say that the Wiccan path has been a good one for me. Wicca isn't for everyone (nor do we say it is). But for me it seems like the right spiritual path. I've been a lot happier and Halo hasn't inflicted injury on the body in a very long time. We still go to church once per month since Thistle is a Christian, but he doesn't mind that we go to a Wiccan service once per month too. Life's too short to pray to an angry, hateful, capricious desert god. I am really glad to be loved by the Goddess.
The game on Friday night was pretty cool. I'm roleplaying a shaman that's sort of a redneck. He spits, drinks, and gets into bar room brawls. I was sort of inspired by the redneck demon hunter from the series "Supernatural". In that show, the dude has a Caterpillar hat, a bowie knife, and then says stuff like, "I was up all night translating this here cuneiform parchment. Now get your ass over here and help me cast this spell!" Ha ha ha ha!
All in all, it was a good weekend. :)
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( 3 / 1972 )Friday, January 23, 2009, 05:16 PM
Indigo Incarnates
Man! I thought this workweek would never end! The urinalysis machine at work was broken for about two weeks but was repaired las friday. So we had to test a huge backlog of samples all week. We ran that machine all freakin' day trying to get caught up. I can't tell you how glad I am that I'm *NOT* the one that loads up the samples, hee hee. It's a really foul job. No, my part is compiling the results so that the individual agents know which of their junkie-bun defendants are getting stoned.
I compiled over 400 results this week. Egads.
On the bright side, Doug and I got another lesson in tarot card reading last night. Doug bought me a really sinister tarot deck, so I think every time I use them the answer is the same: "you're going to get sucked down by a vampire!" Ha ha ha! Doug, on the other hand, is a real natural with tarot cards. He can really tell a story!
The old hip injury (from ten years ago) really flared up this week. My hip has hurt for days and I don't know why. I think the cold/damp weather last weekend was a trigger. It's a lot warmer today, thankfully.
We get to play my World of Gaianar game tonight. It's always fun breaking out the polyhedral dice and doing some hack & slash :)
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