A Friend In Town! 
Thursday, May 29, 2008, 10:19 PM - Cool Stuff
Indigo Incarnates

Yay! My friend Doris from South Carolina is here! It is SO COOL having her up visiting! We got el-cheapo pasta at the new restaurant in my neighborhood, then we did some shopping, got ice cream at Coldstone Creamry, an watched "For a Few Dollars More". It was a pretty nice day.

It's too bad doug isn't here. He would really like Doris. She's such a nice friend. She didn't think the house was too bad either. I'm glad. :) She likes the goofy Baltimore architecture (my house is 11' wide and 40' long and 3 stories high).

Tomorrow we're going to the Baltimore Aquarium downtown at the Inner Harbor. It will be pretty cool. I haven't been there in years, so I'm hoping the giant manta ray is still there.

Work today was a different story. Wow! Usually I get run-of-the-mill petty crooks at Pretrial. But I had some actual murderers today to process for release. Egads! It's very disheartening to see that cold-blooded murder only gets someone 7 years in jail these days. Another defendant had been arrested on a new attempted 1st degree murder over a Blackberry phone. Yeeesh.

I had one defendant say about his work history, "I tried workin' back in 1991. I didn't like it." He hadn't worked ever before or since. Nice.

But I have tomorrow off. Yay! So Doris and I can hang out the whole day, see the aquarium, and tour the Inner Harbor. That should be really cool! :)

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9th Year 
Saturday, May 17, 2008, 12:41 PM - Cool Stuff
Doug and I celebrated our NINTH year together last night! Yay! So we've basically outlasted a lot of straight marriages we've heard of. Too bad the California decision doesn't help us in Maryland. Well, Doug's anniversary gift was a 2008 Scion xD. Yeah... it's hard to beat a CAR as a gift, hee hee! :) I also got him a little box of Godiva chocolates last night. We went to a new restaurant too. It's an odd Mexican/Indian combination. We were hoping it was going to be a Mexican/Indian fusion, but what it had was Indian on one side and Mexican on the other side of the restaurant and you basically decided which side you wanted to eat on. So we did Indian since they're good for getting lots of vegetarian choices. The food was really good!

I'm also happy to say that it was finally sunny again this morning. So I did a two mile walk in sunlight and Thistle got to fly. It's nice having energy again. It's nice to not feel trapped in my body. I was also able to do a prayer meditation for the first time in a while. I wish I could put into words just how fulfilling it is to actually feel LOVED when I commune with the Mother Goddess. It was so wonderful and warm that it actually made me cry a little (which is rare for me -- or any abuse survivor for that matter). I wish I had been courageous enough to follow the Wiccan path years ago, since I could have been spiritually fulfilled a long time ago instead of just recently. But things happen for a reason and maybe I just wasn't ready for it until this year. Either way, I am so happy to be loved by deity.

I will never go back to worshiping the angry and cruel desert god that runs the Christian church. Jesus is great and I love Jesus, but I just no longer see any spiritual connection between the compassion, love, and hope that Jesus inspires and the condemnation, hate, and genocide that the angry desert god has inflicted on his own people time and time again throughout history. Jesus would have been a great Wiccan, since he knew how to love, knew how to forgive, and always wanted to heal those who were ill in body, mind, or spirit.

Oh... I found out something else interesting. My mom is apparently not fully human either. We were talking this morning and she decided to tell me something I already knew, but that she didn't know I already knew. She told me that I'm not really human because SHE'S not really human. So I asked her what she was, and she said she has "fey"? lineage. So when I asked her to describe what a fey is, it turns out that her definition of a fey happens to be my exact definition of a changeling, which also happens to be the exact definition of an "indigo child". At least I come by my non-humanity honestly.

Mom is also an abuse survivor. What is it about surviving abuse that also transforms the person from human into something else?

So...That's been my past two days. It's been a decent two days. Yay!

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Update: I also did an 11 mile bike ride, so we basically got two full hours of high-quality sunlight. We're doing much better. :)

Tonight is RPG night, and the players will have to sneak into the Talma cult compound and steal the Cybernomicon before the evil war priests can start creating hybrid zombie/robot footsoldiers! Ha ha ha ha!!!

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A Nice Saturday 
Saturday, April 5, 2008, 04:37 PM - Cool Stuff
So far, I've been having really good luck with Saturdays lately. Today was pretty good too. I didn't have nightmares last night (a rarity for abuse survivors; and I don't think a dream about being in a car wreck quite rates as a nightmare, heh heh). So I felt pretty good when I got up.

Doug and I went to First Watch for breakfast (big shock there -- we've been going there every Saturday morning since they first opened their doors! But we're not PREDICTABLE!!!) They had a new waitress that kept eyeing my pentacle and I knew she wanted to ask if I was a Wiccan or a Satanist. She didn't ask. If she had, I could have told her "Wiccan", which is or course as far removed from Satanism as it gets.

Oh... I'm almost at the two-month mark for being a vegetarian. Yay!

The weather was sunny for a change, which meant Thistle could fly. I did a two mile walk outdoors and Thistle flew in the bright, warm sunlight. It felt good to draw energy from the sun. For the first time this week, I don't feel fatigued. I am glad. Thistle shines in the sunlight.It's also nice to see the trees awakening and beginning to grow new leaves. Some of the trees have white and pink blossoms. And there are a lot of people in our neighborhood that have planted all kinds of flowers in their front yards. It's nice being able to feel the return of life. It's nice being a changeling since I can sense life. :)

After the walk, I moved my music collection from my dead computer to my laptop. I was smart enough to make a backup of my music files to an external hard drive just before the desktop computer bit the dust. So now I can get my iPod updated too. Yay.

I did a 5 mile workout at the gym too. That was fun. I burned about 985 calories! I try to take good care of this body. I enjoy this incarnation quite a bit, so I plan on making this body last a long time.

I did my taxes today. I'm getting $479 back. Yay! that means I can actually get my (extremely past due)gas/electric bill paid down before they shut off the service. Whoo-hooo!!

The only sour notes on the day is that my mom is sick again, and some religious fundamentalist disparaged my spirituality. Mom doesn't have the best pulmonary system. She's had chronic bronchitis most of her life and she smokes. Yes, that's a bad habit. No, she won't stop smoking. She she gets sick... a lot. It's stressful. She also doesn't take good care of herself when she's ill either. The religious fundamentalist is someone I can easily dismiss. He talks in King James English and sent me a link to some fundamentalist website called "Lies of Wicca" or some nonsense like that. Yeah... I'm sure that site has fair and balanced reporting on Wicca, ha ha ha!

But I have faith that mom will get better. And I will pray on her behalf.

Now we're watching a British mystery. Yay! Gotta love those British murder series. Folk get bumped off in such classy ways, heh heh.

So... things went pretty well today :)

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Thirty Day Milestone! 
Sunday, March 16, 2008, 10:00 PM - Cool Stuff
Today marks some pretty good things that have been going on for 30 days (or a few days longer).

-- I haven't performed any retaliatory acts of road rage.
-- I haven't told any beggars to "get jobs".
-- I've been a vegetarian for a full month.
-- I've been studying Wicca for a full month.
-- Halo hasn't inflicted injury on our shared body in a month.

So... things are looking pretty positive :)

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Fun Saturday Stuff! 
Saturday, March 15, 2008, 12:44 PM - Cool Stuff
Man! I've been having really good luck with Saturdays lately. I've been really blessed.

The day started off the right way in that I actually got a good night's sleep that restored a lot of my physical energy. I feel pretty good. It also means I can go to the gym later on in the afternoon. Yay.

I got some plumbing repaired this morning, and the job was done quickly and inexpensively. A really nice guy named Dean has done repair work for Doug and me for years and he's licensed, does good work, and doesn't rip us off. What a find! It's nice being able to step into the bathroom and not hear the sound of water being wasted for no good reason. I'm guessing our next water bill will be a heck of a lot lower too! Huzzah!!

I drove down to the Turning Wheel bookstore to pick up some Wiccan items. Basically, Wiccans often use a ritual knife or wand when creating magic circles. So I was hoping I'd find something that sort of "called out" to me. Well... I lucked out again. I felt drawn to an odd_looking clear crystal rod. Using crystal instead of wood is probably a bit unconventional... but I'm kinda unconventional, hee hee! I wanted to pick up a pentacle, but I was a bit low on dough. but I can get it on Wednesday when I get paid.

Oh! And the bookstore offers a free workshop on Wicca for Beginners! Yay! I can go next Saturday! :)

I'm running errands now and doing the foolhardy practice of writing a blog entry whille driving a car. Isn't it great that dissociatives can so easily multitask? Ha ha ha!

And I can tell that it will be only a few more weeks until it's warm enough to start bicycling again. Yay!

all in all, I'm feeling pretty happy today.

And I didn't even wreck my car writing this!

============================================================

Update:

I made it home in one piece. Yay! :)

I recieved my therapist referral today. More yay!

It was sunny and warm, so I let Willow go outside. It was really good for him to see plants, trees, flowers, sunlight, and blue sky. He was very, very happy!

This is a pretty nice day. Life is good!

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Another Perfect Saturday! :) 
Saturday, March 1, 2008, 04:01 PM - Cool Stuff
Well... when perfect days come around, I'm never one to waste them. Doug and I both had the same day off, so that was a real treat. My day started off really peacefully. I had the experience where my mind sort of woke up and my body was still asleep. I tend to call this "standby mode". It's very relaxing and time seems to pass incredibly slowly. It feels regenerative and healing. Over the course of an hour, my body slowly woke up and I felt really refreshed and balanced.

Doug and I went to First Watch for breakfast. It's our favorite Saturday morning thing. They have totally awesome pancakes and french toast. I used to get their ultra-crunchy bacon before I became a veggy, but their scrambled eggs are pretty good. And their bottomless coffee was pretty good.

The wounds that Halo inflicted on our shared body are healing pretty well. There's no infection and we didn't need stitches. The injuries are definately going to scar, but that's okay. There's plenty of scars on the shared body already, so a few more won't make a difference. Halo was aware for a few minutes (deeply, far away). I didn't waste this opportunity. Thistle and I told him as well as we could that we aren't mad at him and we do love him, and that soon things will get better and he'll be safe.

Since the weather was just about perfect (sunny, windy, not too cold), I did a 2.5 mile walk outdoors. Thistle flew and he was able to recover from losing all of his energy in the battle with Halo on Wednesday night. I wish I could relate in words how wonderful it is when Thistle flies. He shines in the sunlight and he seemed to be able to fly really high today. It was just so wonderful! :) He was happy and I felt incandescent. Angels need sunlight, humans need food, changelings need a bit of both. So we are both fulfilled and my changeling spirit rejoices. Thistle was thinking of a friend who has been kind to us and willed some excess sunlight her way. :)

So... after goofing off on Second Life for a while, I went to the gym and did my Saturday super-workout. If I include the outdoor walk, I did a total of 8.6 miles and 1,200 calories. It's great having an obediant body. Nice!!!

I did my Wiccan visualization/drawing/grounding exercises before the sun set. Yay! It's good to feel groounded and re-centered.

Next stop was dinner at Mango Grove. It's a totally awesome all-vegetatian Indian food restaraunt that's not too expensive either. I ordered my dinner "as hot as you can make it", which is a dangerous thing to do in an Indian restaraunt, heh heh. But I love spicy food and I flet like I could exhale fire by the time dinner was done, hee hee hee! This is day 18 of being a vegetarian. the body grumbles here and there, but my changeling spirit is happy for the change. Yay! Fun fun fun!

Days like this are sacred. I didn't waste it. Blessed Be. :)

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40 Pounds! 
Friday, February 22, 2008, 12:54 PM - Cool Stuff
Back in the bad old days, I used to have this really stressful job as a district manager for a cell phone company. I pretty much drove 30,000 miles per year, had horrible hours, 50-55 hour work weeks, and super-high stress. The long and short of it is that by the time I quit that job, this physical body was not only drained beyond understanding, but also weighed 221 pounds -- and that's not a healthy weight. A fat changeling is not a pretty sight. Aiieee!!

Well, once I got the job I currently have, my stress level dropped by about 2/3, my workweek went to 40-45 hours per week, and I have pretty normal hours. So I got into excercise and improved my diet. Over a 2-year period, I lost 37 pounds. For the past four months, I've been unable to lose those last three pounds I wanted to lose -- until I stopped eating meat, that is.

Ten days of being meat-free allowed me to shave off that last bit of weight I wanted to lose. So now, I weigh the same as I did 15 years ago. YAY!!!

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Other Fun Stuff 
Monday, February 18, 2008, 05:56 PM - Cool Stuff
I had Presidents' Day off so I got a chance to do some fun stuff today. I never waste days off that have good weather. :)

I did another full-sunlight 1.5 mile walk (1.5 mile flight for Thistle). We just feel so energized! :) It was unseasonably warm, too, so I didn't need a jacket, which means that more of my skin got direct sunlight. Changelings need sunlight, and I got it! Yay! I think Thistle and I have about as much energy as this mere human body can contain :)

I had so much energy that I did a whole bunch of chores (which REALLY pleased Doug -- my ever-loving partner!)

Then I got my bicycle cleaned up and went out biking for half an hour. It started raining on the way back, but it wasn't a cold rain, so it didn't bother me.

I finished writing chapter 52 of my novel ("I, Construct"), and I dedicated the chapter to my friend Jewell. In this chapter, the pirate-hunter ship Gaelic Knot ends up battling against a bloodthirsty pirate ship Rusty Rudder. The Knot gets heavily damaged, but does send the Rusty straight to Davey Jones' Locker, heh heh. Oh... and I just did a word count: it's got a shade over 232,000 words! Yay! Here's the link (and it's kinda a big file!): http://www.gaianar.com/Downloads/IC/I%20Construct%20-%20Complete/I%20Construct%20-%20Complete.mht


Oh... and it's day-6 of being meat-free. In 24 more days I can call myself a vegetarian. Cool!

So... All in all it was a good day :)

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A Really Nice Day :) 
Saturday, February 16, 2008, 10:34 PM - Cool Stuff
Well... I have to say that perfect days like today are few and far between, so I savored the hours of this day since it was enjoyable and peaceful.

Doug and I went to Bob Evans for breakfast and got blueberry pancakes and they were perfect! Oh, I've been meat-free for four days but I won't call myself a vegetarian until I've been meat-free for a month. I will say that the change of diet feels very healty. Yay!

After breakfast, I took a 1.5 mile walk in full sunlight. That was perfect too. Thistle flew freely and his spirit shone brightly in the sunlight. It was a really nice feeling. Humans only need food, angels only need energy, but changelings need a bit of both. And I got both. Yay!

So then I got to chat with some friends on Second Life for a while. I have a really cute avatar that looks like a giant butterfly. One of my friends is a Wiccan and he is really cool.

Then Doug, Rich, Jeff and I got to play my World of Gaianar roleplaying game. In tonight's adventure, the heroes got to bust up an Orchiel cult, rescue a stranded angel, pummel some zombies back into the ground, and begin a murder inquiry to solve a brutal murder. All in 4 hours! Yay! I'm really glad that my friends like my roleplaying game. :)

So, now I'm home and it's 10:30pm. It was a perfect day, and I am thankful.

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Tonight's Super-Workout! 
Wednesday, February 13, 2008, 08:32 PM - Cool Stuff
I've found excercise is really good for fixing depression. The body had a flu last week so I couldn't excercise. But the crap is finally cleared out of my lungs enough that I could do a decent workout.

Well... If I *must* exist as a changeling spirit stuck inside an inherited human body, at least it's a good body! I was able to do 6.1 miles and burn 801 calories. I am grateful for having a healthy body, so I try to keep it in good shape.

So, I guess a changeling life-force must be somewhat more powerful than a human's since I can get the body's heart rate up to 195 for extended periods of time without getting out of breath. Goody! I never feel exhausted after a workout. I like doing excercise, since it makes me feel like I am shining. I can't fly like Thistle can, but there are times that I can at least shine like he does. :)

I also came to the conclusion tonight that I am simply not going to allow Halo to hurt this body anymore. Even though it is a human body, it is a gift nonetheless. It is an obedient body and worthy of respect. I won't be made to feel shame for being a changeling. Being different isn't the same as being bad. I will honor the gifts I've been given.

And that's what I did! :)

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