Friday, February 17, 2006, 08:32 AM - Dissociation & Switching
So... There are times when a shadow seems to pass over my soul, and I cease being a creature of light, but instead I become a harbinger of Death Magic. I imagine that, in the spirit plane, a horrible and ghastly black radiance emanates from my soul. This darkness has the power to make other people sick, or make their bodies deteriorate, or make their aging accelerate. I hate when I become a thing of Darkness.
Right now, I can feel the Death Magic streaming outward. My body is numb, and my skin is like some sort of strange facade. I could cut myself now and know that it would not hurt. I could bleed without fear.
As Halo, my blood is the blackest, most caustic poison known. But I do not feel. I am the Incarnation of Darkness and Death Magic.
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( 3.1 / 1564 )Sunday, February 12, 2006, 02:02 PM - Dissociation & Switching
Well... Two factors can make me start dissociating again, even though I'm integrated: Being off my meds too long, and being way too tired for too long. Last night, I got to experience both.
I accidently left my prescription bottle of Effexor (an anti-depressant) at work on Friday. But then I had already agreed to help a friend out with some side-work selling phones at a trade show. (I used to sell cellular phones full time, but now I'm in law enforcement as a Pretrial Release Investigator.)
So by 9:30pm last night, I was exceedingly tired and I had missed two doses of my meds. I felt the integration sort of "fall away" and realized that I was functioning just as Indigo, not as the integrated super-personality.
In one way, it's interesting to function as simply a powerful Alter. I became reaquainted with my own unique capililities and what I can do unaided. But then there was the chorus of voices that I was not used to hearing. Before I was integrated, it was normal for me to never have my mind all to myself. Last night I could hear Thistle humming a church hymn, Ashen complaining about liberal judges and worthless junkies, and I could *feel* Halo's sadness. I have almost no contact with Willow (and I never did), but I could feel his presence in my mind.
This is not a bad thing, per se.
But I/we function better as one, for it really seems like the psychic potential of the integrated super-personality is stronger than the colelction of pieces. (by psychic potential, I mean a concept akin to "willpower", not telepathy or ESP).
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