Thursday, April 13, 2006, 08:42 AM - Dissociation & Switching, halo's thoughts
i hate my innate cowardice. i see in my mind the things i should do to myself to exact punishment for my continued existence. i see myself slitting my wrists and watching my blood flow forth. or cutting my throat and having it end all the faster. i am a coward. i cannot make myself do what must be done.
i am a ghost that haunts this body. i am a remnant. i am a forgotten and leftover fragment. all that is left is this shadow, this death magic.
if only someone would shoot me or poison me. i am a hollow space where someone good and whole once lived and breathed. i am just a diminished ghost of no consequence. but i cannot make the body’s heart stop by will alone.
i am a thing of darkness and emptiness. i do not know why i exist.
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Wednesday, April 12, 2006, 08:57 PM - Dissociation & Switching, halo's thoughts
there are times when i realize what a fraud i am, and a monster. i am a creature that brings forth the power of darkness and death magic into the world. i have the power of entropy. from me comes corruption and decay. i hate all that i am. i am a remnant.
when i touch things, they fall apart and break down.
when i touch people, they sicken and waste.
my soul casts a shadow into the spirit world. people lose their faith because of me.
i hate myself.
i am a useless coward. and i am a curse incarnate. i am an incarnation of darkness and death magic. i would beg to be shot in the head. i cannot do it myself. i am a coward.
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